Is 45 too old to have a baby

I don't know many people of 45 who are grandparents, unless they were very young mums and then their children were also very young parents. I was 29 when I had my first and 34 with my last. Many friends the same age gad babies into their 40s.

Managing teenagers was fairly horrific in my 40s. I definitely would not have coped well now, in my early 60s

For me personally, I would say yes, 45 is too old to have a baby.

The older a woman is, the more risks there are associated with maternal and fetal health.
Not only that, if you have a non-sleeper, it messes you up in every way. There's no way I could cope with that if I had my DC at that age.

This is a very good point. I have teenagers, elderly PILs, and work full time in a stressful job. Honestly it’s too much. I can’t imagine having to do it with small children.

Just because you can doesn't mean you should. What happens if there were on going health problems with the child would that child grow up resenting their parents for being older and problems occuring as a result? Sperm ages as does eggs, higher risks all round.

I had my two at 41 and 45. Everyone’s life is different. Honestly, you’d be best not seeking opinions on here because some people are very vocal about how evil and selfish it is to be an older mother. Not an older parent, but specifically an older mother. I would have had my second at 43 if it hadn’t been for an ectopic pregnancy. I consider myself very fortunate to have been able to conceive again at 44. Do what’s right for you.

Yes, it's too old imo.

My eldest will be 23 when I'm 45. I could not imagine having a baby at that age.
Or having a 15yr old at 60! My mum is 60 and she has a 15yr old grandson!

Dp's parents died at age 59 and 63, through illness, potentially you could leave a teenager with no parents. Yes anyone can die at any time but he older you get the more likely it is.

The only thing that might be in your favour is more financial security than younger families.

I have three friends who have had or are having a baby mid to late forties. They are all utterly exhausted (not unhappy about it but they have all said how tired they are all the time ). One had her only child at 45, another had one at 44, one at 46 and is now having twins at 48 (not ivf apparently being older you release more FSH???) and the third had one baby via ivf at 47 with donor egg

If it feels right to you and it is what you really want, you should go for it. I had my second child at 41 and I don't think four years makes much difference. Yes, you will find it exhausting. But you will find your own ways of coping. The people saying 45 is a grandparent age are just being rude.

There are a few things you need to hear in mind:

1. are you actually physically able to get pregnant?
2. you may be in good health for a baby now, but by the time you get pregnant and give birth you’ll most likely be nearing 47. Statistically you probably won’t be around to see that child get married, have grandkids etc. You’d need to ensure they wouldn’t have to care for you in your old age when they are only in their 20s.
3. You’ll still be running around parks and doing school runs at 60. You also need to prepare for the fact everyone will assume you are the grandparent.
4. Do you have a support structure in place to provide care for a child if you do become infirm or pass away whilst they are still young?

My DH’s parents had him in their late 40s and to be perfectly honest they simply weren’t up to it.

Selfish to have a baby at 40 imo. A 60 year old parent with a 20 year, just no.
The child would be starting their own family and possibly have an aging parent to care for. With all due respects and fairness who is seriously going to say that is their choice in life? I wouldn't believe them for one minute.

This. Because what if it doesn't? They don't do refunds and to be honest I don't feel it's entirely healthy to bring a life into the world to plug a hole within yourself. That amount of pressure being put on one set of shoulders makes me shudder somewhat.

Yes. Look at fostering or adopting an older child. The risks to you and baby with a pregnancy at 45 are much higher and the chance of you becoming seriously ill or dying whilst they are still a child is much higher. I know going from typical life expectancy it may seem you are likely to be around into their adulthood but the reality is that the risks of cancer and other health conditions do significantly increase with age.

Yes it is but there is still a very good chance of a successful pregnancy.

It's not just for a decade!

Too old in my honest opinion.
Will it be fair on your current child and your possible new child? Probably not.
Don’t just think of your own wants and desires.

If you can get pregnant naturally at 45 ( & many women do ) then clearly you’re not too old.

I don’t think it is too old.

Don’t have a baby for your other child. Your existing child would be 15/16/17 when the new baby was born. They will be busy out with their friends when it’s a baby….. by the time it’s a toddler and old enough to play and interact, their elder sibling likely will have moved out, gone away to uni, or be working full time. Busy with their own adult life.

This new baby will grow up like an only child, just like your first has.

My husband was that new baby. His two much older siblings were very much not interested in him as a child……and moved away to uni when he was very young. They don’t have a sibling relationship like those who were similar age growing up. More like distant cousins than siblings.

Only have another child if you desperately want one for you, you are very fit and healthy and full of energy, are very financially secure, feel well able to do another 18 years of parenting.

I was born late 1960s and that's not my recollection at all.

I know someone that had their last child at 46, and someone that had first child at 47 and second at 49. Another had one at 47. The kids are all ok.

One was natural, one ivf and one egg/sperm donor. I worried I was old at 37 having a baby but at the school gate now (Im 42) I am nowhere near the oldest Mum.

speak to a clinic, understand your options, and also include adoption as an option, there is no upper age limit for this, although you would be unlikely to adopt a baby.

it is your life and it is up to you

I think it's fine tbh, I had my 2nd at 43 but I am a single parent so will be easier if you have a loving helpful partner. I'm 53 now and she is 10 and until now it's all been fine and dandy. No real issues to speak of and she's slotted in just grand.

How does your existing DC feel about it? My Teens would be absolutely horrified if I had another baby and have basically said as much.

I am 39 and a Single parent to 2 older Teens. I couldn’t think of anything worse than starting again at 40+ if I’m being honest. I didn’t have a great relationship with my children’s dad and I’d be terrified of making that mistake again and being left holding the baby on my own, especially now I have established my career. IMO 2 years isn’t really enough time to meet someone and get to know them enough to want to have a baby with them in order to meet your 45 deadline.

@Commonsense22 I thought the risk of miscarriage was much higher in your 40s

I know a 48 ( almost 49) currently pregnant with her first. Donor egg, doesn't actually live with the father yet, baby already identified with some health issues pre birth, elderly parents and a disabled sibling. No she hasn't got a clue about what is involved with babies either.
She is at least financially stable. But my god from the outside it is truly terrifying to see.
I am unfortunately not feeling very optimistic for my friend on this one and nor is anyone else.But obviously nobody has said a thing and we are all positive about it around her.
She will be 60 when child is still at primary school.