Is 45 too old to have a baby

I hate it when some say kids keep me young sorry kids keep me broke.

I am 62 and a lot of people seem to have cancer, bad backs and other issues. And my social circle is full of sporty people.

As I've said before on threads like this, you probably say you couldn't do it because you're coming at it as someone who has been through many years of exhausting childrearing already. They bleed you dry health-wise, over many year. Compared with someone who has simply just had to work and could have as many lie ins or holidays as they wanted for all of their 30s, kept themelves fit etc, and it's no wonder you feel more exhausted than them.

Putting aside the issues with having a child at 45 I don't think this is as much of an issue as you might think. There's about 15 years between my eldest and youngest and they are the two closest siblings.

My parents are older and they don’t depend on me

I’m not there yet but based on people I know I’d say 70 is a bit of a turning point. But by then you’d be past the worst.

You’d be past the worse but your poor kid will be going into early adulthood with possibly an elderly parent to look after. Not fair at all.

Wow 😮 MN is insane

Entirely depends on the individual. Their health, fitness, economic resources.

Yes it is.

It isn’t fair to the child. At a time when they should be flying the nest, exploring the world, going on adventures etc they will probably not feel free to do any of it as their parents are creeping towards their 70s.

My mum is only 66 but she still depends on me a lot now for all sorts of things and I feel this heavy weight of responsibility on my shoulders. I’m 42 years old and I find that kind of pressure hard to live with, never mind if I was 20!

I do find MN to be really really judgy about many things and one is older mums.
im 41 and pregnant with my first and will have baby when I’m 42.
i have a stable marriage, house with good careers and finances so what is the issue?!
I also don’t feel like MN make out I should feel.
i see so many posts about women who feel frumpy and old.
well I don’t. I don’t look or feel my age (whatever that should be). I am young at heart but I feel MN is fuddy duddy and full of people who seem older than they are

Just to add about my earlier comments about being the best version of yourself for your child. When I was younger I probably didn't give my mortality that much thought but having a baby at an older age has made me far more aware of my own health. If you do decide to go ahead OP please invest in your health.

Life expectancy does change depending on your weight and fitness levels. You are more likely to have a baby with down syndrome if you are heavier. And you are at an increased risk of cancer.

I wouldn’t say too old. My husband was 46 and 49 when ours were born. I was 39 when I had my youngest and possibly considering one more next year when I’ll be 41.

I wonder if all those people talking about what it’ll be like to be 60 have reached that age yet? I felt pretty good at 60, would probably have been better at handling a teen than when I actually did it, in my 40s.

I’m not there yet but based on people I know I’d say 70 is a bit of a turning point. But by then you’d be past the worst.

You'll need money and a strong support system, ie friends who can help out or enough money for a nanny

But if you want one, and you know you can offer love and stability, you should have one! Or adopt if its not physically possible ❤️

I was 43 and never regretted it for a second. 65 now. But you have to stay fit and active, and you need luck on your side to stay healthy (which you do anyway really even if you are younger).
There's nothing wrong with being a lone child (at least you don't have to split the inheritance). Those kids just learn to be closer to their cousins or friends.

The window may already be shut, and with a 14 year old now why not just enjoy her? You may have wanted 2 but that didn’t happen, what would another baby give you that your DD hasn’t? Counselling seems like a good idea to help resolve these feelings. And then when you do date do it just for yourself, it’s far more likely to be enjoyable than if you do it rushing to try and find a similar aged man who wants a baby so late in life.

No, not recent. But it was the norm to be a mum in your 20’s in the 1970’s and 1980’s, and grandparents 25 or so years older.
My parents being older also meant I didn’t know my grandparents in any meaningful way, two had died before i was born, the other two died before i was 5 I think. I don't really remember them sadly.

Believe me, there are lots!

I was a very young fit 41, my partner 5 years older. I, now 56,have managed fine. My partner has struggled from the start. What I realise now, is that it was a very selfish decision, in terms if my child's welfare. Not least because they will be a lone child, of ill/elderly/dead parents, at too young an age 😢

Obviously there is a higher risk of complications for you and for baby. Higher risk of down syndrome for example.
You will get such a mixture of different opinions here.
If you wish to count my opinion then I would say do it if you really want a child. It's not going to make you a less good parent being older.

Priorities: Me me me me me me. And me.
...
(Potential child)

I think it is all up to you OP! Many women have babies at 45. I think the most important thing is to consider whether you have the resources and capacity to give a child what they need. Children require so much time , energy and money and sometimes I think that looking around me that not all parents are willing or able to give them what they need and this can damage children emotionally . I would also look at whether you want a teenager when you are 60 (and over). Teenagers are the hardest stage and they (quite rightly) want to push all your buttons as they need to learn to become independent. In terms of fertility then there is a reasonable chance that you would need IVF which can be a tough process to go through.

Why is a 60 year old parent with a 20 year old a just no? Asking because I am 62 and my daughter is 20 and neither of us feel disadvantaged in any way. She thinks she has the best mum in the whole world, so I would just like to know what you think is so wrong?