Is 45 too old to have a baby

All anecdotal.

I was a child to older parents and own my experiences are totally different. I don't want that for any child, because it was horrible.

That's what I am on about.

Yes - your body starts to hurt at 50 and you will have to be running after a small child!

Exactly! Its easy for younger women to say rubbish like this.

Ever heard of peri/menopause? 🤨

Maybe in your world. In my world grandparents in their 40s is very unusual.

Most people in their 20s don’t have parents who are nearing 70 so they aren’t put in the position of having to decide between living their own life or feeling obligated to stay and look after their parents are they?!

It’s undoubtedly hormones.
The last hurrah.

But if one has a healthy child already, don’t roll the dice 🎲 🎲 a second time at this age.

They may not stay home and do physical care, but they can sort out IT, accompany to hospital appointments, do bits of DIY.

This thread is an example of a basic lack of understanding of ovarian reserve. Outliers are not the norm!! Yes women throughout history have delivered healthy babies in latter years it is not the norm!!!!

I don’t “care” for my mum, she is perfectly healthy, but she lives alone and sees me as her support system and her social life. I’m very aware that if I didn’t see her as much as I do, or help her out as much as I do, then she would struggle. I don’t mind doing it as she’s my mum, but it does feel claustrophobic at times. There’s just this underlying sense of her being my responsibility because she’s my mum, I can’t just walk away from her (and nor would I want to), but it can be draining at times.

If you hit your late 60s and have health problems and are generally quite alone, I’m quite confident your 20 year old would feel obliged to look after you in the same way I feel towards my mum whether that was your intention or not.

Don’t be daft, no one sensible in their 20s stays home to look after their parents.

I wouldn’t have let my kids do it, my parents wouldn’t have let me do it.

People of that age are focused on their peer group and careers ie they are fairly selfish and so they should be, and if they aren’t - no parent should allow it. Otherwise we’d all be pissing in mud huts..

I actually hadn’t thought about it like that. I’m 53 and absolutely exhausted but I have 4 adult kids, maybe if I’d been child free till my 40s and then had them I wouldn’t be quite so bad? But this doesn’t apply to OP anyway as she has a 14 year old already.

You probably have good genes.
A relative of mum’s ( sadly not my bio mum!) was mentally pin sharp and active and keeping hens at 101.

She was a slim and wiry woman - being active definitely helps.

What are you on about? A child born to someone who is in their early 40s will be a teen when then the parent is in their 50s for the most part. I don't know many people in their 50s that are in and out of hospital with health issues and wouldn't call 50s advanced age.
In my work team the age range is from 19 to 75. None of my colleagues are in and out of hospital. Several of them, including at the upper end of the age range have not had a day off unwell in years and look after grandchildren regularly.
I know dozens of people in tbeir 70s who live full, active lives.

Yes its too old
I'm 44 and wouldn't contemplate it
It's probably your hormones fuelling this as you can see your chances dwindling.

Not sure what you think your existing child Would get from this?

Why would the young adult be looking after their elderly parent? They have a life to start. If the child hadn't been born then the parents would have had to make plans for their own old age care anyway. So why wouldn't they carry on with what old age plans they would have made, and let their young adult child go off and live their lives?

Lots of women in early 50s are still dealing with peri menopause. I was and it was tough and my energy levels were low.

It is quite rare to become pregnant naturally at this age. What makes you think it is possible? Egg storage/donation fine imo but waiting till you are peri menopausal is a folly in most cases.

If you have no energy in your 50s, go see the doc, and get it sorted out. What are you going to be like at 70?!

It depends on you op.

I had DS at 45y2m. He arrived a healthy 8lb. He is now a strapping 6' teen.

However, I didn"'t drink, had never smoked and was fairly fit . We also have a family history of late babies. My dm had me at 43 and dsis at 45.

I had an easy pregnancy, no issues, worked until 35 weeks, slightly slow labour.

When DS was three, I took the conscious decision to improve my fitness because I didn't want to be an 'old' mum. My own mum had never joined in with any of the school activities. I took up running at 48.

I became a single mum when DS was 3. Since then I've taught him to swim, to cycle, to ski, to shoot. We cycled together all through covid and still ski together even though I'm in my 60s. I still run 5k two or three times a week.

I think if you are prepared to put in the work, look after yourself, and have the resources for another child, then yanbu.

So, to clarify what I meant, I’m not saying you become decrepit at 70. Just that you do start to feel older in ways that people seem to think happens at 60. In their seventies my parents were living abroad and travelling the world, they were having more of a life than I was. In their eighties they did need support but they were no problem to me before that.

well be glad my mother isn’t your mother then 👍

This in spades.

You are imagining a little cooing baby

But imagine a possibility disabled teenager roaring at you and smashing your house up at 60.

A friends friend had a late baby and he has severe disabilities that made him a threat to her life.
He is now a young adult in a supported home.

It’s too dangerous to have him living back with her although she wants to give it another go.

She is well into her 60’s now.

Being an older parent does carry risk of disability that needs daily care - is that fair on the child?
When one dies who cares for them?

I know. Many people are still working full time at 66. I assume the parents in question already had health issues which are not age-related.

It’s almost always impossible to do in naturally at your age.

But if you can and want to, do. It’s older than ideal but you should be around till they are 30 so it’ll do.

You can still adopt young children at your age (in some areas anyway) I know people who have.