Is 45 too old to have a baby

40 was too old for me! My baby didn't sleep unless held upright for the first 8 weeks, them woke up every 1-2 hours for the next 2 years! She's only now just sleeping better aged 2.5 (1 waking most nights). I'm absolutely exhausted, and dealing with a defiant toddler plus older children when peri menopausal is really hard.

Yeah it's ridiculous. I had mine at 35 and 40. Currently on maternity leave with my second and I've only seen one mum in any of the classes I go to who is older than me. I'm in London and these are nice areas. Most are 30 or early 30s. Early 30s is not too young.

Same age gap as me and my mum. She's 61 and I'm 42. She's fit and full of energy. I had mine older 35 and 40 so it's the other end of the scale. Both have their benefits and drawbacks I think

Totally agree.
I think if you really want a child, do not wait until your forties. Sure lots of women do have a child, but lots also find they left it too late.

I certainly wouldn’t consider a 32 year old mum of a baby to be young. It’s a fact that a woman’s fertility begins its decline at age 32.

There are some fucking daft posts/daft attitudes on here though. 'Too young to be a first time mum at 31-32?!' WTF, 29 is the average age of a first time mum! And calling someone a 'gymslip mum' for having her first baby at 26. FFS!

Waiting til your 40s to start trying for a baby is nothing to be proud of. I'm not saying it's something to be ashamed of, but it's nothing to be proud of either. It doesn't make you a better person if you had your first baby at 38-42, than someone who had their first at 18-22.

Conversely, gymslip mum is right up there with 'spinster' and 'maiden' and 'courting' and 'with child.' Have we been transported back to the 1960s?!

I thought that too. First one at 17, last one at nearly 40! Basically 50 years of parenting. No thanks! 😱

Either one or the other, have them at 17-27 say, and then stop. OR start at 31/32, and stop at say 39/40.

Each to their own. I know a woman who had 2 children at 18 and 20. Had another 2 children at 30 and 32. Then another 2 children at 41 and 43.

25 years between the oldest and the youngest, and when the last 2 children of the 6 were born, they were already aunt and uncle to 2 nephews and a niece!

The mum has always been as happy as a pig in shite though! An absolute earth mother. More patience than I have ever had!

!

Oh I went to a girls school too in the 1990s....it was drummed into us relentlessly that the absolute worst thing you could ever do is get pregnant....to the extent I know women from there who felt terrified to tell their parents they were pregnant when they are married and in their late 30s! It still feels so naughty. It's mad.

It's crazy! My 32 year old friend said she felt self conscious like people were judging her for being too young
That is weird.
Do you think the mentality stunts maturity?
Once again, the women in your friendship base serious life choices on what is socially acceptable in your group.
Very silly, especially if they want children while feeling 35 is too young.
I suppose they can afford fertility treatment etc, all unnecessary practices needed because your friendship group is so well adjusted, having travelled etc.

I would never do this, I'm 63 and my DS is 42. It's ideal, he was an incredibly easy and laid back baby, but my siblings had babies in their 40s and are very happy.

It's crazy! My 32 year old friend said she felt self conscious like people were judging her for being too young 😂. Our girls' school did this to us by terrifying us about getting pregnant!

My children will be 16 and 14 when I’m 45 I couldn’t fathom having a baby at that age it’s hard enough when you’re relatively young.

gasp but a mere teenager!

Egg freezing is not guaranteed.

The HFEA measures success based on how many embryos (developed from frozen eggs) result in a live birth. Using this measure, 19% of IVF treatments using a patient's own frozen eggs were successful in 2017.

If professional women decide on waiting until their 40's, late 30's, freeze your eggs in your early 30's. 25 if possible.

The guilt having a child with health conditions is immense. I was 35 having DS, most of his issues are genetics though I do feel responsible for not knowing that DH and I were carrying a somatic mutant gene.

With his ASD, I question my moods throughout pregnancy, what I ate, did I exercise enough.

If you do have a disabled child in your 40's, it's a long road to walk, physically and mentally.

@JumpinJellyfish yes, but even if the reception mums were 40+, I bet many of them still had their babies in their 30s.

I remember some reception mums being pregnant again in their 40s, but it was definitely unusual

I work with a huge team of women. I can’t think of a person who had a baby after 40.

I agree, I know a very middle class crowd and they were all pretty concerned about not having babies too late. A few of them said they wanted to be done and dusted by 35 because the risks increase after that age.

I'd be screwed in your circles, I had my first two decades before I was 35 😂

It’s not a “myth” just because you haven’t directly experienced it - it just varies a lot depending on area and profession.

I was the youngest mother when my DC started reception in a very middle class area in London - I was 35 at the time and most were over 40. Private school cohorts in London are even more extreme.

My parents had me at 45 and it didn't affect me they had loads of energy
Only thing is that I won't have as much time with them
At 37 they are 80

I agree that it’s a bit of a myth. My younger colleagues are all middle class professionals. They pretty much all seem have their babies in their early- mid 30s. Maybe second or 3rd babies at 35+, but it’s only on Mumsnet that it seems common to have babies in your early and mid 40s.

I can’t see how a 45 year old would be any more educated than a 35 year old.

I had my first at 26...my social circle is very middle class...I felt like a teen mum

@Neurodiversitydoctor 💯

In my social circles, having a baby before 35 is considered a sectionable offence. At 45 you're likely to be better educated, better off, and more secure than say 25.

That's a middle class myth.

It is prejudice too, feeling like you're superior to the uneducated under 35 year old without financial security.

I haven't noticed a huge financial difference between friends who opted for earlier families and those who started late 30's
(They all drive new SUV's, mortgage cleared, good lifestyle.

There is money to be made everywhere these days in professional and trade roles, even as a parent.