Is 45 too old to have a baby

Not sure I"d want to be dealing you stroppy teenagers at 60, or doing the uni runs and late night pick ups at 65. Those would be worse than the sleepless nights at the start. Also I'm not sure I'd have the energy to look after a disabled child, which is more likely at 45.

My dad was 50 when I was born, my mum 38. I’ve never been diagnosed with autism or ADHD but do tick a lot of the boxes. My DH is 11 years older than me, we gave up ttc when I was 40 as was told I had premature ovarian failure, or primary ovarian insufficiency as it is now called. I didn’t know then about the older fathers- autism link but I do now, and I’m actually relieved I didn’t have a surprise late pregnancy as I think the likelihood of our child having special needs was not insignificant.

You missed out the trauma of a previous( relatively) DV relationship and an elderly and unwell parent of her own. No partner even remotely in view…..

Kittens are nice.

I had an unplanned pregnancy at 45. Unfortunately it didn't work out due to a very rare complication that was random bad luck - not age related. The baby was genetically completely normal (a full screen was done).

It's been hard to process - I would do anything to have that specific baby back but don't think I would try for another one (I'm still 45).

But it’s not about what you “allow” - it’s about how your children feel….and what they feel they should do.

No child who has been bought up right is going to turn their back on their elderly parent just because the parent tells them to. It just doesn’t happen.

A healthy parent-child relationship will usually result in the child wanting to look out for their parent, especially as they get older, because they love their parent and would never want to see them struggle or suffer in any way.

By having a child at an older age, it means you are putting your child in the position of having to face this reality when they are generally much younger.

People in their 60s are very different.

My mum has arthritis, needed to have knee replacement surgery and walks like an 80 year old woman.

Whereas a mum of an old classmate of mine , around the same age as mine, still cycles around the village like a 20 year old..

@Meadowfinch you are obviously in a good financial position if going to fund uni, which can make a difference as well if planning to have a baby in your forties so can afford funding a teenager in your 60s

And how are you going to navigate that when you have dementia or general frailty kicks in.

She had me when she was 26, which back in the 1980s was probably quite normal?

She has always lived very independently, has never crowded me or my sister etc, but when she hit 60 things changed and she depends on us now in a way that she never had before. Part of me wishes she would find herself a partner so she could have companionship and happiness and wouldn’t be so reliant on me, but it won’t happen. She’s hard work 😬

My parents had me in their early 40s, both were dead by the time I was in my late 20s, so yes it's too old.

Honestly Op i think it's bonkers to consider it. You have a teen. The second child boat has sailed.

If you really feel you want another child, you could consider fostering a tween.

The other thing to consider is many men would be put off by having children in their 40s

I would never allow my child to look after irrespective of what age I had my children. I wouldn't put that burden on them.

It is alot op age wise. My friends boy was autistic. Family life changed alot. Found my energy low at 45

Trying to, thanks.

Oh I understand that, I’m just saying that it’s a gamble.

OP has no idea what her health will be like when she’s 60-70 and how that will impact on her late teen.

If it’s a gamble she wants to take then that’s fine, but she has to take into account the higher likelihood of her child having to take on caring responsibilities if she has a baby in her mid-late 40s.

I know that any parent can get ill at any age and for any reason so there is no guarantee of anything, but at the most basic of levels, the older you are when you have a child, the more likely it is that they’ll have to take on age-related caring responsibilities as you get older whilst they are still relatively young.

Yes. I do think it’s too old to be brutally honest.

My mum is this age. I don't feel obliged. I like to help her out because it feels good and I am settled. I wouldn't have done this my twenties and my mum wouldn't have accepted any form of help. Even now she doesn't like doing too much for her or me giving money - she tells me I need to focus on my future. Perhaps your mum relies on you more because she had you young. Woman who have children young may not have time to develop themself or carve an identity outside of their children.

I’m 46 with a 13 and 10 year old. I’m knackered with menopause, career and navigating their life as well. I can handle a baby -I can’t contemplate handling teens at 60. I also know it’ll get harder with the exam years and navigating them into adulthood, especially DS who is autistic. Do you want to stand outside the under an umbrella in the rain at 60 watching your DC and play sport? (Not bitter 😂)

My body doesn't hurt and I'm 10 years older than that. There are a lot of sweeping generalisations on here.

45 isn’t old to have a baby but those I’ve known who had babies in their early 40s feel very differently about having preteens in their 50s
i think you need to also understand that conceiving and having healthy pregnancy at 45 would be very unusual

Yes. Its too old. Would you adopt an older child?

When I was about your age I wanted another child. I am sure it was psychological because I knew it might be the last opportunity to do so. I am pleased I didn't as I had serious health issues a couple of years later. However, I think it just depends on individual circumstances etc. Many older people (including several of my friends) foster children of all ages (including newborns) and are fantastic.

I don't think it's too old, not if it will be a huge regret for you.

But if I did it, I'd really invest in staying active and healthy so I was mobile and with it well into my 70s.

It would be exhausting for sure, but I don't think you would regret it.

I think it depends on whether you got children or not. I think if you never had any it's fine but if you have children, it doesn't make sense to have another one.

But @NorthernGirl1981 , people are different.

I'm 61 with a sixteen year old. No issues at all. l work full time, DS will head off to uni in 18 months. I'll keep working so he doesn't have any student debt, then I'll retire.

I can't imagine depending on anyone, I'm still running a department. 😀