Is 45 too old to have a baby

Oh goodness me, how on Earth did I miss the detail about OP already having a child?! An even more certain no from me in that case. I assumed you had never experienced motherhood.

OP, are you sure it isn't your body becoming broody as menopause approaches?

I was 43 when I had my one and only child, who is now 25. I am forever grateful that I did it in a short-lived window. But I am fortunate to be married to a man who has always played a straight game and shouldered his full share of family responsibilities. Also, I had earned very well before I was a parent, and I/we are still deriving income from the investments made before DC.

Of course not, but it absolutely does mean that if they hadn't had children then they may well have a very different opinion.

"Grandparent age"!!!!

I had a 5 year old when I was 45!

I do think it's probably pushing it at 45, but if you are in a situation where you can get pregnant, and you don't already have a child, I'd say give it a go, but be prepared that it might not happen.

Yes. Full stop no mitigation. Please don’t. 🥰said with love xx

It’s still normal in some social groups for sure, but the average age for a first child in the UK is 30 for women and 33 for me (2021) so overall (and more specifically in any middle class group) that would now be unusually young.

It’s not about the age OP will be when her child is an adult. It’s whether she has the energy to parent a toddler in her late forties and whether she can run around after a six year old when she is in her fifties.

the answer might be yes - some can.

my mum was a late baby. My grandmother was 45 when she was born. She remembers much older parents who had run out of energy. Who weren’t friends with anyone who had small children.

my grandmother was in her eighties by the time I was a toddler. She was amazing - but much, much older than my friend’s grannies. I lost her too soon.

it’s a bid decision. But for me the first five years would be the hardest.

Personally OP I wouldn’t.
But that’s coming from someone who raised a family in my 20s and 30s.
How would I feel if I were childless in my mid 40s is anyone’s guess really.

What has made you decide now that there is a hole in your life, 14 years after having your eldest child, and why do you think it would be filled by a baby? 45 might not be too old for a baby, but it's too old to make an impulsive decision based on a feeling and then realise it hasn't solved the problem you were trying to fix.

I’m 46 and have felt too old to have a baby probably for 4-5 years. However I had two in my late thirties

i don’t think it’s too old but you’re at an age where it’a quite likely to sadly not happen

Decade?
Two decades to physically raise em.
Three decades to financially raise em.

It’s not so unusual these days, and much more common is having parents who become ill in mid life while kids are still young adults. It comes up a lot, no parent should allow a young adult child to turn into a carer.

You are worrying about the wrong things.

You are older, without a partner - what makes you think that the question/opportunity will come up? You need to find a similar age partner who wants (more) children - what are the odds?

Live life to the max how things are.

FWIW - I am over a decade older than you & have the most wonderful DD born 8 years ago. Her school friends' parents (our friends) include 2 couples in their 50s.

Age is not the problem

I think your maths is a little out there😊

Go for it OP. If you are only 45 the chances are you will be 85 when your child is 40. My neighbour was caring for Grandchildren into her 80s. If you feel fit & healthy there is nothing stopping you.

45 is too old. Assuming you could even get pregnant, you would be almost 50 by the time he/she starts school. The age when some people are grandparents. Will you have the stamina to keep up with a toddler when you're in your late 40s? When the child is 16, you'd be 51, 52.

I think it's different for everyone. I have a friend who had her first at age 40 and the next at 43. She is a fabulous mum with two wonderful children. She said she wouldn't have been able to cope in her 20s or 30s. On the other hand, you hear of older parents in their 60s exhausted by their teenage children. It depends on your circumstances and also whether you are physically able to have them? Unfortunately, fertility falls sharply in your mid 40s for most women.
Good luck, whatever you decide. xxx

Yes it's to old and it's selfish.

I’ve got a colleague having a baby soon at 45. She’s single and used a sperm donor and her own frozen eggs.

I actually think it’s pretty selfish as the child will not know their father, will not have siblings, and is likely to lose their mother at a younger age than their peers. I can totally understand the urge and desire to have kids but wanting something doesn’t mean you should have it.

Your other child would not benefit in any way.

Please don’t drag them into this as this is solely about you and what you want.

I don’t think the age is too old, although I think having a 60yo mum whilst you’re still at school is a little unfair and I couldn’t imagine never being able to work or have hobbies without worrying about childcare etc.

If you’d accidentally fell pregnant then it would be different but I think you are wanting a baby for the wrong reasons and so for that reason I think YABU to even consider it.

You are likely feeling lost because you have no sense of self because you have no relationship, you’re approaching middle age your other child is starting to need you less.

This is like the sports car equivalent to a man’s midlife crisis lol.

Gently, your eldest has had a shit childhood and instead of trying to start again and doing it right this time around, then you should be focusing on making the rest of their childhood good and focusing on making yourself happy without the need for another person (partner or baby).

I had my one and only at your age and it's been absolutely fine, but it does depend on your health and outlook on life.

It's been much easier (in retrospective) in that apart from the first couple of years I've been doing it solo. IME men mature earlier and age faster than women, so a partner your own age might find it very difficult to adjust to putting someone else first and find the teenage years particularly trying as they approach the end of their working lives.

66- 71 this made me laugh. My running club with people in their 60s are fitter than many half their age,granted they have looked after themselves with no health issues. You can't tar everyone past 50 with the same brush

Yes sorry I think it's incredibly selfish but really depends on your whole current family/life dynamic TBH

Age 45 means no sibling and I think that's also delish denying them even the chance of having a wider family that sustains them into adulthood

How rude.

I had my one and only child at 44 - unexpectedly as a lone parent. I have never been more happy and fulfilled, although tired, balancing my working life with a healthy four year old. If you are healthy and fit, go for it!