Is 45 too old to have a baby

Exactly this!

Genuinely gobsmacked at this thread! What century are we in?! I had my first at 37 and during mat leave was the only mum in my baby group who was under 40! Times have changed now and people are generally more health conscious and living longer so no you won’t be the only “old” mum at the school gates.

also Me and plenty of my friends had younger parents who depended on us emotionally and financially since we were in our 20’s and it is still the same now in our 40s so we have been Caring for them for just an insanely long period of time….if anything for me it feels like a massive train just coming towards me as despite my mother being in good health the dependency is only getting worse and I am just waiting for the day when I will be doing more hands on care. This is after already spending 20 years worrying about her.

As long as you look after yourself and encourage your children to do their own thing when you are older then there’s nothing g wrong with what you’re doing.

at 41 I am planning to have another one as I’d rsther be an “elderly” mum than have my child be an only child. It depends on what is important to you. I also take care of myself and would consider myself a “young” 41 year old so not ready to write myself off just yet. So it’s all relative.

For many people having kids later keeps them young. Spending my 50s and 60s slowing down doesn’t really sound appealing to me.

respect those who have their kids younger too of course. Everyone is different.

I do think 45 is too old but surely not all elderly people end up needing care from their children?

Well I most certainly wouldn't have wanted to have a baby at 16, nor for any of my children to become parents when they were still at school!

I wouldn't have been ready to have them in my early 20s either. I was too busy with uni and establishing a career.

I think every woman is aware of the risks involved as an older mum.

I lost two babies before having my youngest at 40. I don't know where I'd have drawn the line, so I have never been in the OP's situation.

I am 50 and have an 8 year old
and it’s marvellous. She’s the best decision I ever made. I was desperate for a 3rd child.

I take care with my health and fitness. I manage my peri menopause with HRT, careful diet, regular exercise, zero alcohol.

My career took a hit. It was a worthwhile cost.

Too old for me personally but I had my first at 16 and the others early twenties. I wouldn't want a child post 30 personally. However my mother has my younger sibling at 42 and she's still going strong now with no health issues and he's an adult.
It really does depend on the person just be aware of the risks such as a higher chance of down syndrome

All these anecdotes from women happily having their babies in their 40’s are completely missing the point.

It’s not about whether OP can have a baby and raise it, of course she is physically able to do that. The point most posters are making is that the OP needs to consider what the consequences to the child will be of having elderly parents when they themselves are young.

Too old I’d say.

I'm sure there are - I just don't know any in my immediate family and friends!

Speaking as a 44 year old currently working hard to persuade my 4 week old (2nd child) to breastfeed in under an hour whilst typing with the other hand I’d say 45 is not too old!

yes, it can be challenging but the benefits of being an older mum far outweigh the negatives. I have patience, resilience, self awareness, self confidence and an ability to be present in my 40s - which I did not have in my 20s - not to mention a strong career, financial stability, my own home etc. I’m by no means alone in my demographic of parents at the school gates for my eldest DC. Not one of us had a child in our 20s and we are all keen that our own children have their own lives and know themselves before becoming parents.

From personal observation, mostly of families from nursery and child groups, I’ve noticed a much higher rate of relationship breakdowns, children being treated as dolls/accessories, and an inability to cope by themselves in younger parents. Older parents tend to be a bit more realistic and know up front that they are solely responsible for baby and for keeping the cogs turning on general family life. It’s amazing how much housework can be achieved with 1 hand, wearing breast pumps and carrying a baby 😄

Good luck either way xx

Get therapy.

Babies are human beings, not objects to fill holes in damaged adults.

Also hilarious that you think a 14 year old is going to benefit in literally any way from you having a baby.

The majority on here who have parented either toddlers and – or teenagers would agree that with some exceptions, possibly your mum, it’s not a job for somebody in their 60s. Anyway, more to the point, the OP is going to do what she wants to do but it’s very unfair on her 14-year-old. She doesn’t appear to be acknowledging this in her posts and I’m slightly suspect about her tone.

I'm 50 and have seen quite a few of my old schoolmates become grandparents in their 40s. One was even a grandma in her 30s!
It's definitely more common to become a grandparent in your 50s or 60s but there are still plenty of grandparents in their 40s.

Too old. It’s selfish all about you and not the child.

Not really! Majority of grandparents are in their 50s or 60s at least

No one can ever know for sure though, can they? And even those that have parented A teen haven't parented ALL the teens, so OP can only base her decision on a weighing up of pros and cons.

I was basing my view of my mum's capabilities in her 60s as having been a teen (one of three) that she did parent in her 40s/50s. She was not meaningfully different in her 60s. It's something we have talked about a lot.

What I find baffling is that you cannot comprehend other people making different life choices to you. Are you really that narrow minded?

I know very few women who became grannies in their 40s. Can't think of one off the top of my head!

Most of my peers in the working class area I grew up in had mothers who gave birth at 19/20.

But I think that's the point - young motherhood is strongly socially patterned. My child is in reception in a school in an area where the majority of parents are middle class, university educated - and most parents are not from the city originally (moved here for career). I'd estimate the vast majority of Reception mothers are in their 40s. I'm 45 and don't feel old or out of place at all. However I imagine if I travelled a couple of miles to a more deprived area, the mothers would be a lot younger on average and maybe I would feel out of place.

Healthy life expectancy and life expectancy are obviously both also socially patterned. In poorer areas in some cities in the UK, both are depressingly low. In wealthier areas, being fit and active well into your 70s isn't unusual.

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But 40's is not at all unusual to be a grandparent. Perhaps it is beoming less common now but I would say up until about 20 years ago was the most common age to be a a grandparent.

Where the hell do you live? How was 40s the most common age to be a grandparent only 20 years ago? 🤣😆🤣

Respectfully, you haven’t parented a teen so you don’t know that. And your mother’s situation is one situation it will not apply to everyone.

Absolutely this!! 👏👏

Your age isn’t the issue here.

You are wanting this for the wrong reasons.

Boys and girls these days 100% know how to get pregnant … and how not to get pregnant. So much birth control and free and accessible healthcare in the UK. No idea why so many young women want to be mothers so young. Baffling.

Another thing to consider is if you are solo parenting, how do you meet the practical needs of both children- for example if the teen wants to go out, to a party or a sports competition or an open evening at school, needs picking up at 9 or 10, and the baby/toddler/primary school child is in bed asleep by 7? How do you go to parents evenings and options evenings for your elder child with a toddler, and expect to be able to concentrate enough to support the older one? One of them will be severely disadvantaged by the needs of the other.