Is 45 too old to have a baby

Did you mean to quote me?

I have had a conversation with someone senior who works in a closely allied field, and she said there's growing speculation that there could be a link with Covid, as SEN has increased exponentially over the last five years?

I was 30 when we started TTC. Didn't have our first until I was 34.

It worked for me I appreciate not many 16 year olds could make it work but I'm still with the same man he works hard got a mortgage etc. Also finished school before baby was born got good GCSEs despite being pregnant. Obviously not recommending it to anyone else, late motherhood also comes with a lot of risks but can still work fine for some women my own mother being one example.

I have wondered the same but we will be shot down in flames for saying so.

I think it is too old. The only slightly positive thing is that at least the child wouldn't be an only, so would have some chance of sibling support if you died young. They wouldn't be left entirely alone in the world. Although would it be fair to your 14 year old to potentially have to be responsible for a much younger sibling as just a young adult themself?

I am 38. I would love a child, but I won't he having one, as I am too old and I don't have any wider family for my potential child (my partner and I are both only children). It breaks my heart, I am grieving for the family I will never have and I am terrified of ending up all alone in the world. But none of that matters - the child comes first.

Do your sums right.
She has a 14yo now, she's 42, thinking time to meet and get to know partner before baby. So by the time she has a baby 14yo will be 17,
By the time baby is 4 and she's 50 14yo will be 21.

I just don't think it's an ideal situation to be starting again with another family. They won't have a sibling relationship more like Uncle / nephew.

posted earlier and am 60,
4 kids 15-23

My kids are not wild, rebellious or challenging. I’m 60, and NOT struggling with teens. Didn’t “struggle” with teens in my 50s. Found enough time for everyone.

My kids are the children I raised, 4 of them. We get along well, help each other. They aren’t perfect, but not all teens are wild. Not all are a struggle for parents.

Women are expected to work until they're 67...

You didnt mention 16 year olds, you said "At a young age" which these days I would consider anything up to mid twenties. There is a big difference between a 16 year old school girl and a 24 year old with a partner and a job etc. I would consider both to be young.

ETA...

Are you really so lacking in imagination to not be able to comprehend that some 16 year olds have never been taught to value education? Some get to that age and genuinely believe that they must either sign on or have a baby as that is what their community/family/society does. You and I had different upbringings and that gave the information to make different choices, but rather than simply admit that you are being very judgemental about teenage mothers, you hide it under "bafflement" and "I cant comprehend why..."

Who DID* struggle TTC I meant to say

I get that, I travelled all around the world in my late teens/full 20s. Had my dcs in my early 30s. You get to have nice family holidays when you have the energy to enjoy them. Then when you're finished working, paid off mortgage etc, you get to travel kid free again.
At 56 I want to be reading under a parasol, not running around after an 11 year old. Each to their own, and I realise everybody meets their partner at different ages, and sometimes life happens when it happens. If I had the choice like op, already have kids, I wouldn't want another in my mid 40s.

This is nonsense, there are plenty of hours in a day to be a good parent to various DC of different ages. I have a similar age gap and can’t relate with what you’ve said at all.

Maybe this is the reason for such high prevalence in special needs over the last 10 years or so. People pushing the age to have children right up to menopause. Younger eggs, younger sperm, younger bodies in general probably have less DNA damage. I don't know the ins and outs of the reasons, but it's a theory.

I still feel like a teenager, and not at all responsible enough for a full time job, mortgage and a baby. But biologically, that is not the case. The mind and body are not always aligned.

And I say that as someone who is 38 and has been trying for over 3 years for their first baby.

We live in an affluent part of London where there are plenty of older mums but in my antenatal and baby groups there were also mums about 26. I realised they were all anti contraception beyond the natural methods and they wanted to be younger mums because of what they knew about optimal fertility. I think we are talking about fertility far more now and how difficult it can be to get pregnant for some when not that old. I have more friends than not who didn't struggle with TTC or miscarriages.

Honestly, yes.

I am nearly 42, fit and healthy and would be too old, I had mine at 26 and feel like I can keep up mentally and physically with them.

Exactly that, cannot comprehend a woman chosing to have a child at 16, instead of education.

She limits her options and choices at a young age.

Yes, and both age groups have such different needs; that will be incredibly challenging to navigate. I would feel there would be a risk that the basic needs and demands of a 4 year old child would have to trump the mental/emotional needs of the teen. This could mean the teenager is neglected, they'll sort of end up like an aunt/uncle/babysitter to the younger one.

Yes but if you don't have children already, you've had your twenties and thirties and part of your forties as childfree adults enjoying holidays and fabulous times.

It means 50, peri menopause, with a 18 year old and a 4 year old. The older child will simply be neglected as OP will be too busy with the young child.

Gosh me too! At 56 dh, and I will have paid our house off, and will be jetting off on holiday!
Both dcs will be in their 20s by then. I couldn't imagine having a young child at this age.

Where abouts in the uk are you? I'm 40 and I've found I'm the oldest in my baby groups by at least 5 years. I'm in London and the groups I go to are in nice areas

If you really want a baby, no logical argument is going to sway you. But 45 means 60 parenting teens and that’s just too old

I am 35 and my DH is 55 and we have a 2 year old.
You're in between us both and I can just give a small bit of our own experience:
DD only has one set of living grandparents.
DD has no cousins of a similar age
Our village is quite small because on DHs side everyone is at a very different stage in life and his closest friends are hoping to become grandparents soon, but were visibly horrified for him that he was about to become a father at this stage in life! You could see the panic in his best friend's eyes at the thought of it 😂
I do a lot more of the hands on parenting because DH simply doesn't have the energy. Our DD was not a good sleeper and I would do 6 nights out of 7 because although I was knackered, I could keep up. DH really struggled with broken sleep.
Now she is two and a little spitfire, DH can play and engage but by Sunday night he is feeling it and his back is playing up from horsey-rides and lifting her up and down etc. and he is trying to get fitter, but I also catch him looking wistfully at younger dads running after bikes and playing football at the park. I think he knows that in another 5 - 6 years, that sort of activity might be a stretch for him.
But, the flip side is that he is immensely patient. He doesn't ever get snappy, or ask her to hurry up, and he will read story after story and he makes her feel special and cherished just like any dad should. Our DD thinks the world of him.
Be mindful and realistic about age and energy, but try not to be too fearful. If you can provide love and as much stability as any of us can predict having in this uncertain life, you shouldn't feel restrained unduly by age.