To think it’s not that easy to leave a marriage

Generally speaking no, it's not easy.

But it's one of the reasons why women are told not to sacrifice their careers and their income. There are multiple threads a week on here from women who have gone part-time or become SAHM's and who are now utterly fucked financially because they're totally reliant on their partner for even the most basic needs.

Always keep your independence and always have a "fuck off" fund.

It isn't easy at all. If you are on a low income, older , renting it is very difficult finance wise. Which is why getting your ducks in a row is a saying . It is all very well saying that you'd be better off living in a hovel than staying but it really and truly isn't. Unless there is DV women are better off trying to stay in the family home . And it takes time to sort out the money , CM and visitation.

No matter how stable your relationship is now women should always have some of their own savings , best paying job you enjoy and never give up your financial independence.
Nobody thinks they will have to leave their marriage but unfortunately as we see so many times here on MN partners can change and make separating the best option.

It really depends on how desperate you are to leave. I left with two kids, a bag of clothes and very little money to support us. We went into temporary accommodation miles from home, I made it work and we were taken seriously by some very kind people at the council who housed us in our forever home 4 months later. That was two years ago.. I'm sitting here now in my dressing gown sipping coffee in my lovely home completely renovated by me from a shell..! Everything bought/built by me. I left because I was left no choice, years of coercive control and fed up of his endless lies and affairs. I left behind a detached cottage the chocolate box kind on a farm.. it's now derelict with him in it and he's is welcome to keep the fucking lot. Life lessons come in the most beautiful ways.

It's not easy, but it's often not insurmountable. Very difficult if you don't have access to finances or any support, but still doable, it really depends on how much you want/need to leave and what sacrifices you are prepared to make. We have a very good benefits system which can support women leaving. I had a very few lan years relying on the state and my family, but 7 years down the line I'm in a much better position, and far happier than I would've been if I'd stayed.

So no, it's not easy, but if it's necessary then it's definitely doable, in most circumstances

I mean yes sometimes the LTB posts can be a bit extreme but I have read so many threads on MN where they really should leave. It is difficult when you have little to no financial means. When I left I was only able to because my mum had a spare sofa, otherwise I really literally had nowhere else to go (we weren't in physical danger but because of his drinking it was no longer tolerable to stay with young children).

Also, I agree with other posters, it is never just about he didn't make me a cup of tea.

Also, the tone is often difficult to read online. For example 'why haven't you left?' Is often asked as a neutral question inviting the op to respond 'because he's actually wonderful all the time except today.' But the op reads it as ''WHY on Earth haven't you left yet you idiot. I absolutely would have ltb straight away.'

Took me 20 years to leave my revolting 'DH', during which time I waited for my kids to grow up while also training for a profession so that I could be self-sufficient. No it is not easy, but it is often a complete necessity to spilt up.

By the way, I really enjoyed my kids when they were children, so it is not like I resented them but it meant leaving my DH was complicated for a good few years.

YABU. Firstly because your example is ridiculous. Nobody ever, ever says LTB over a cup of tea. Secondly because a poster saying someone should LTB because of their partner's behaviour does not necessarily mean that the poster thinks it will be easy or immediate. It's basically a comment meaning 'the behaviour you are posting about (which often proves to be the tip of the iceberg) is definitely worth leaving your partner over', not 'Why the hell haven't you packed a bag already and just walked out - surely it's simple?!'.

But are people not allowed to share their own experience?

It was easy for me to leave my marriage. It hasn't affected us financially nor has it effected my children negatively.

Am I not allowed to respond?

I think if people have a shit husband problem they a want to talk about it might be helpful to include in the op 'I know I should leave but I unfortunately can't because I have no money' then people could respond accordingly.

...but you are right, it is really hard to leave a marriage, especially when you have children. Took me 15 years. But so well worth it.

Completely agree. Even if your mortgage was paid off, someone would still be the worse off as they have to buy the other out. Happened to my colleague only recently. He's got his new, much younger girlfriend and all this money. While she's blindsided and now, instead of retiring in the next 5 years as planned, is having to continue to work to pay for all this.

That's a gross exaggeration of how threads on bad DH behaviour go and I don't think we should be minimising the disrespectful behaviour of some of the men mentioned.

Sometimes it starts off with him "not making tea" and then it turns out he's not lifted a finger with the kids for a decade and fucks off to football 4 times a week.

Your example is daft and unhelpful to your argument.

Of course it’s easier to type LTB than it is to break up a marriage and a family, split finances, move house. But sometimes it’s right to do it anyway and the thing that prompted someone to post turns out to be the tip of a bad iceberg.

Which is why I always say to young women their financial independence is the most important thing they should focus on in early adulthood.

But there is always a choice.

I had to be really poor for several years to leave but I did leave.