To not want my baby left alone with FIL

OP please report this man to social services and police for showering with a 10 year old. It's dangerous and dodgy!

I'm just pointing out the obvious from her posts. I'm.glad mumsnet deleted the post where someone was fully accusing the grandfather of molesting the child but that's what the OP wanted people to do.

If you didn't, it wouldn't have been point number 2 in your OP.

You're sounding really weird now, as though you have a personal vendetta against the OP.

It seems like your DP comes from a family where they feed their kids crap food hence why your FIL does what is in line with your SIL and BIL's parenting style.

You got with a guy whose family aren't the most nutritionally literate folks.

Just admit that you feel that he should give you reverence as his son's chosen one and the fact that he doesn't rankles you, so you want to control the only thing you can in revenge: your kids.

So your husband let his dad cuddle his baby... what is the big deal?

Frankly I question the OP's interpretation of any of these events given how she's tried to twist the bathroom incident. Some things just sound like the annoying things people say and do when you have a baby when you take the OP's careful wording out of it. Eg "like he wanted to take the baby out now". He didn't say that. What we know is that he touched his DIL's pregnant tummy which is inappropriate but literally strangers do that to pregnant women, I see no particular malice which is in line with the OP's implied narrative that he is predatory. He just doesn't like her much so doesn't make much of an effort with her.

Why are you still leaving the baby where this man can get at him?

I think a ten year old can actually reach his own towel. It's one thing setting the bathroom up so he has everything he needs to hand, it's a totally different matter being there to hand him a towel!!! I'd like to know what the 10 year olds interpretation of that is!
Mum or dad being in there at a real push. Grandfather, just no! Especially not with his other behaviours, he seems overly intrusive.

Water safety for a 10yo? Does he have additional needs?

Is it? We stay with my 10yo when he's showering or bathing, and if he stays at my mum's she sits in the room with him while he has a bath. I don't see that as inappropriate or weird. It's for water safety.

His behaviour while OP was pregnant and the breastfeeding comments are both massive red flags. What sort of man (other than the baby's father) touches a pregnant woman's belly without permission? What sort of man comments to a breastfeeding mum that she isn't feeding her baby enough and that he can't wait to give a 4 month old baby junk food?

The parents of the other children are fine with huge amounts of sugar/junk food but OP isn't and she has every right to say no to this and to keep her distance.

The OP said that he went.in to give him a towel but by HER ESTIMATION ONLY he took too long and said too many words.

It's not brushing it off but the fact the OP states he's "been showering" him, implies he's actually washing him and it's happened more than once. Then she later posts it was one time, her husband said he just passed him a towel but she could hear them talking. That's quite a difference in my eyes.

Actually most things OP says seem to be exaggerated to me. A 4 month old given "screen time" when actually her 2 year old already has an iPad, which OP doesn't seem to mind. Touching her stomach as though he's trying to get the baby out. Constantly wanting to play with his grandchildren? How terrible.

I'm not doubting he's probably quite overbearing, possibly narcissistic and OP should lay down some rules, but it does strike me that she doesn't like her husband's family in the slightest and everything they do is going to rub her up the wrong way.

This sounds like you're resentful that your FIL.isnt interested in you so you want to keep him away from your baby.

you've twisted him giving his grandson a towel into a potential sexual molestation of a child which is sick.

You admit that what he does with his other GC is in line with what their parents do anyway and the only person who has a problem with his behaviour is you, who he doesn't seem to like much.

I can see what you're doing here and it's very ugly. You'll probably get away with it but it should always bother you if you have any moral compass at all.

Some people won't like you. Get over it.

I am astounded by the amount of people brushing off the grandfather being in the bathroom with a 10 year old boy while he's showering! WTF?!
I was raised in a safe, happy, loving home in the 70s. This would absolutely never have happened in my family.
As soon as I was independent enough to bathe or shower on my own, I was afforded privacy to do so!
Aside from his other weird behaviours, this has to be the most concerning.
I'd be letting the boys parents know as a soon as possible, he is massively overstepping boundaries with their child and if anyone even thinks this is normal behaviour, then frankly, they are as bad as him!

Trust your instincts here.

Don’t be passive with this OP, you going to look like the bad guy, but stand up to FIL, every time!! No way would someone be taking over my baby's weaning and giving them screen time at a v v young age etc. How disrespectful to you as a parent. He should be doing learning play with your DS, if anything, not screen time! You need to get DH on side, and do not leave DS alone with FIL, listen to your gut.

This absolutely this.
Professionally I have been safeguarding for a thirty years and my alarm bells rang very loudly reading this. It read like he is grooming the whole family to get this kind of access to the children under everyone’s noses. Clever, effective and cunning. If your SIL won’t stand up it makes it more difficult for you but you need to. For your child and the 10yr old too.
Be strong, firm and take action. Sending love and courage to you and your DH.