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AIBU?

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Original poster

To leave a group chat?

34 replies

5599katherine · 09/02/2025 09:47

Im in a group chat with a group of ladies. Every time I ask if anyone wants to do something, everyone is always busy and has plans. No one has families or children but generally just busy or whatever. Im fed up of asking and then just getting a list of no, sorry, cant messages. Should I just leave and stop trying or am i being childish?

OP posts:
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ItGhoul · 11/02/2025 10:49

Twaddlepip · 11/02/2025 07:34

This poster has an interesting posting history.

Yes, you're right.

MermaidEyes · 11/02/2025 10:07

Twaddlepip · 11/02/2025 07:34

This poster has an interesting posting history.

Yes on having a look you're right. Bizarrely inconsistent.

GrandHighPoohbah · 11/02/2025 07:41

Are you suggesting similar things to the others or very different? For example, others suggest weekday evening cinema, drinks etc but you suggest weekend hiking? I would stay and still go along to the other meet ups but take a break from suggestions.

Twaddlepip · 11/02/2025 07:34

This poster has an interesting posting history.

SpringBunnyHopHop · 09/02/2025 20:29

Are you asking last minute every time too or giving them plenty of notice?

ItGhoul · 09/02/2025 11:45

BrassyPalm · 09/02/2025 11:23

I’m loving all the details OP…

It’s like pulling teeth.

BrassyPalm · 09/02/2025 11:23

I’m loving all the details OP…

GretchenWienersHair · 09/02/2025 11:22

I don’t see group chats as synonymous with friendships. I leave group chats all the time as life gets hectic and I don’t like distractions. It sounds more like you’re asking if you should leave the friendships?

DurhamDurham · 09/02/2025 11:21

I left several group chats when lockdown came to an end, some had become dormant and some less relevant. The fall out of caused, the offence people took. A former friend still isn't speaking to me now Grin Probs useful to weigh up the hassle it'll cause compared to just muting the group and ignoring it.

DairyLeanne · 09/02/2025 11:21

I wouldn't leave the group as it would appear stand off-ish, but I would stop making the effort to make something happen and take a step back from the group. You can silence a group chat. That might be the way to go.

JoannaGroats · 09/02/2025 11:18

Why do you want to leave? So that they’ll know you left?

Twaddlepip · 09/02/2025 10:46

Are you the only one who gets the consistently negative responses? If others message, are people often available?

Ohnobackagain · 09/02/2025 10:39

Do others reply to other people @5599katherine or are you the only one posting? If it’s mostly
inactive others may have muted it in which case you may as well leave. And same if everyone replies to others and ignores you.

CandyCane457 · 09/02/2025 10:15

I feel like more context needed- who are the women? Is it your closest group of best friends? Or just random acquaintances you’ve met through partners/social group or something?

I probably wouldn’t leave the group, as that’s such a statement. And could mean the end of the friendship? But you could just stay in the group and stop suggesting things.

FieldInWhichFucksAreGrownIsBarren · 09/02/2025 10:15

FrannyScraps · 09/02/2025 10:01

I mean, if your answer here are anything like your messages I can see why!

Is there a reason you're being so short and spikey when people are chatting to you and asking questions?

I was also thinking this, perhaps be a little more engaging?

hopeishere · 09/02/2025 10:11

If you left the chat would you still see the people otherwise?

Is there a natural leader in the group who is the instigator of the nights out?

If you still want to be part of the group and be invited to events I would stay in the group but not try and organise anything.

Heronwatcher · 09/02/2025 10:08

Why would you be wanting to leave? Just stop asking to meet up. There are a couple of groups of friends I don’t see that often- most of us are just at a point in our lives where organising something is incredibly difficult and costly, and we’re all too knackered to be up for it. So we just post chat from time to time and might meet up 1-2 times a year.

If you’d be leaving to get a reaction (or maybe a commitment to more meet ups) don’t do it, it will backfire.

lemongrizzly · 09/02/2025 10:07

FrannyScraps · 09/02/2025 10:01

I mean, if your answer here are anything like your messages I can see why!

Is there a reason you're being so short and spikey when people are chatting to you and asking questions?

Yes, was also thinking this. And honestly it’s hard to know without knowing how you are otherwise and what kind of a friend you are.

I have a friend who complains that nobody ever wants to make plans. But whenever we do make plans she changes them around 15 times. And if you don’t answer quickly enough she makes other plans and then says she’s not free as if she wasn’t the one who suggested the date. People have stopped replying because of this.

Her side of the story would probably sound like yours. So I’m wondering if you’re contributing to this situation at all?

2chocolateoranges · 09/02/2025 10:06

Yeah I'd just stop trying to organise and see what others do.

I had a WhatsApp char with a few girls who did the same evening course. We all got on great but i felt it was always me starting the chats and mentioning nights out when no one else did it. I took a step back and the chat has stopped.

It's just on mute now.

SheridansPortSalut · 09/02/2025 10:06

Do other people arrange things or do you all never meet?

PinkiOcelot · 09/02/2025 10:04

I think I’d just give up asking about meeting up.

JustWantsSomeSleep · 09/02/2025 10:04

@Createausername1970 took the words right out my mouth. Mute the group but don’t leave.

Createausername1970 · 09/02/2025 10:02

I wouldn't leave it straight away. I would mute it and get on with my life. Once you leave it's difficult to get back in.

If I hadn't had any interaction with anyone in the group six months later, and my life was ticking on nicely without them, then I would consider leaving it.

SurelySmartie · 09/02/2025 10:01

Are they people you’ve been friends with doing things in real life or did it start as an online group? Is there a history of meeting up at all?

FrannyScraps · 09/02/2025 10:01

I mean, if your answer here are anything like your messages I can see why!

Is there a reason you're being so short and spikey when people are chatting to you and asking questions?