Elderly parents won't write wills or funeral plans.

Lol. It's really not that simple.

My DM had a will, my DF didn't, I didn't find much difference, I instructed a solicitor for both, neither were above IT threshold.

Also I don’t think mid 70s is “elderly”. They’re probably both hoping they have at least ten more years on this earth!

Not true, the deceased persons name will be on the invoice, they’re not giving the money to the OP they’re giving it to the funeral director.

I wouldn't dream of hassling my parents about funeral plans or their wills. I presume they will have done a Will but if not the money would be divided between me and my siblings which is fine. I organised mil funeral. It wasn't difficult. It doesn't seem very nice to pressure people like this.

In Ireland it has recently been made on line only. Requires both parents to set up individual accounts. They both need e mail addresses, which only one of them has. They both need government system IDs which requires 2 forms of ID, with only their name on. All bills are in either my dad's name or both. The POA requires them to go to the solicitor, with the attorney, me, who does not live in Ireland. They then need to have their capacity confirmed by their GP. It is a fricking nightmare. So much easier in the UK.

@FancyBiscuitsLevel · Today 08:54
OP - it is highly unlikely they will both die at the same time. So if they are married and one dies without a will, then simply put everything goes to the other one.

@Octavia64 · Today 09:15
Wills - again if they are married then when the first one dies it will all go to the second one. At which point the survivor may be more amenable to writing a will.

I've only read the first page of this thread so far and your comments highlight perfectly why people should educate themselves correctly about such matters and do the right thing in granting LPAs and making Wills.

You are both wrong in your comments above. Without a Will, all of the deceased's estate does NOT automatically go to the surviving spouse. The rules of intestacy apply, as follows:

If there are children
If the estate is valued at more than £322,000, the inheritance is divided between the partner and the children. If the estate is £322,000 or less then the children don’t inherit. The partner inherits:

• all the personal property and belongings of the person who has died
• the first £322,000 of the estate
• half of the remaining estate

@Iaminthefly OP, you are not being unreasonable in wanting your parents to get their affairs in order, but as the rules of intestacy demonstrate, not so much for your sake, but for each of theirs. LPAs are essential whilst they're alive (they become void upon death) particularly given that they have separate finances - if one of them lost capacity to manage their affairs, it would be next to impossible for the other one (or anyone else) to access their accounts (i.e. their money!) without an LPA in place. Wills make the process of obtaining Probate and disbursing the deceased's estate in line with their wishes so much easier - would either of your parents like the idea that their spouse doesn't inherit everything from them because they didn't simply write a Will stating this? I think the next time you mention all this to your parents, you should do so on the basis of a) "This is the very last time I will raise this subject" and b) "Do you understand the difficulties that will be caused for you by (i) not having LPAs and (ii) not having Wills (then talk them through the consequences of both). Maybe once you bring it home to them that they will cause each other potential great hardship, they may think again. If you see any softening in their attitude, you might then like to suggest you set up an appointment with a solicitor for them to attend to write LPAs and Wills. If you get the same response as previously, leave it alone - as the old saying goes, "you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink".

Re. your last para, I've had my fill of stubborn elderly people. It's a complete nightmare when they won't take care of basic business like wills and power of attorney. And my late father, my former boss, and my former MIL all desperately needed hearing aids and wouldn't wear them, and I spent about twenty years having to repeat myself over and over again, just because they wouldn't wear them. It was insanely stressful and extremely frustrating. And my dad created all manner of roadblocks in various things. I learn what pure despair was. It was incredibly wearing, and I really sympathise with the situation on your husband's side. I found that no amount of begging and pleading made any difference, although my dad did reluctantly agree to PoA in the end, in the nick of time, after much pleading and cajoling. Your ILs are potentially leaving an enormous mess for you to sort out, and it's so, so selfish. I have no respect for elderly people acting like this.

Isn't it the case that the nearest relative is expected to step in as administrator/executor if there's no will? There must be scope for them to say no, but of course what a lot of of people do is to get a solicitor to do all the work. Expensive but best solution sometimes.

I have just been through this @Iaminthefly and I really feel for you.
My parents early 80s and refused to do any estate planning. My father suffered a serious illness a few years back and was hospitalised for months. It really frightened him. Afterwards I forcefully told him he was selfish and it had to be sorted and that I didn’t want to be dealing with grief and managing his estate. . I found a local solicitor for him and my mum and took them there and they did wills and POA for health and finance. We have also done a spreadsheet together with all his accounts and information and contacts. I sat with him for two days to do this.

i just pushed it - and played on my upset but not sure how successful I would have been without his illness giving him a better perspective. Don’t give up tho- talk seriously with them about it x

When my grandad died a few years ago, he hadn't sorted anything out beforehand and it was a huge headache for my mum. So much so, as soon as it was over she sent me a (slightly morbid) spreadsheet containing everything I'll need when she passes, from solicitor details and account numbers to funeral songs. I have never opened the spreadsheet but I'll be grateful for it when the time comes.

I know it's unlikely that both of your parents will pass at the same time but unlikely events do happen - my DH lost both maternal grandparents and his mum in a twelve month period. There were no wills and you wouldn't believe how long it took to unpick everything for probate.

Obviously you can't force your parents to do anything but I think it's pretty selfish that they won't even organise their wills.

HSBC released the funds for my DM's cremation. All I needed was an invoice from the funeral director. It's completely normal for this to happen.

But you need to be able to show that you have the authority to do so, and if the OP doesn't have power of attorney and she's not named in a will, she'll be out of luck.

This. I have no funeral plan and probably won't make/buy one. Whoever deals with my body can do what they like. My will is very simple. Everything is left to my executor to deal with how they please. In some ways, no will is easier because there can be no arguments over the rights and the wrongs of it, there is a legal system of distribution which must be followed. honestly I'd let the subject drop. OH and btw one of my relatives left a will and it caused more trouble both emotional and legal than if she hadn't!

Hear hear.

@olympicsrock If your mother thinks she isn't elderly in her mid-seventies, she's in deep denial.

Absolute rubbish. The fall out is huge and I hope you never experience it.

On my side of the family, it’s really normal to have a funeral planned out, wills in place, affairs in order etc. I had power of attorney sorted for my parents years ago and it’s there should it be needed. There is a folder will wills in, details of pensions, accounts, phone numbers etc. If something happened to one of them, I could just grab the folder and go through it step by step.

My husband is desperate for his parents to do something similar and do some estate planning but they’re really reluctant and the emotional side is a blocker.

People who want to force their parents to make Wills and buy funeral plans are selfish, because it’s all about them. Selfishness works both ways.

Unfortunately it isn’t that simple. Dying without a will can leave your family with serious stress… our Dparents did thankfully, very simple - everything to each other, and if they both pass everything between sibs equally.
Theres also a burial plot.
it doesn’t have to be more complicated images than that.

Sorry should have added to scroll down to the section on paying funeral costs from the estate. End of second paragraph in that section.

Most let you settle the bill when the estate is completed.

Yeah, my mum was exactly the same. She hated being referred to as elderly, old, or anything remotely similar.
I found her unconscious on her kitchen floor last week, after suffering a massive stroke. Nobody’s invincible unfortunately, however they may see themself.
i understand that nobody wants to think or talk about death and demise, but it certainly makes things much much easier for those of us who have to act in their interests when something so shocking does happen.

As a pp said, medical power of attorney is really important. It saved us when my late father became unable to speak for himself.

But he was extremely reluctant to give it, and he dragged his heels for ages. We only just got it in time, before he became more ill. His reluctance was very stressful and quite a worry. I feel for you, OP.

You’re wrong - access to someone else’s bank accounts isn't automatic even with a will. It very much depends on the amount of money being held in the account, and each bank has a different figure.
I could access my DMs Virgin Money accounts which had £30K in it on sight of the will, but not my Stepfather's Lloyds account that had slightly less in until probate was sorted.