Elderly parents won't write wills or funeral plans.

Thanks for the reply , that does complicate things it's just my mil and she has all the required ids and bills in her name so that probably made it easy for us to do. We are in Ireland also .

"... perhaps helped by him not having a pot to piss in." And that's the point - if he had had an estate worth a reasonable sum, not having a Will would not have made things easier.

You get £375k threshold, but each person in a married/civil partner couple gets an additional £175k if property is passed to direct descendent, this can be pooled which means it can reach a £1m before inheritance tax. Private pension is not currently part of inheritance tax and is taxed at beneficiaries income tax rate if not a spouse, but If someone’s dies before age 74 then it is also tax free. This will change in April 2027 when pension will be included in inheritance tax.

No I definitely have the health and welfare, it is in a drawer in my bedroom. I think her social worker just accepted I had it and wiped her hands of everything. I think it might be she told care home I had it and they told the GP they use and every one has just accepted it. Bit worrying really.

Just wanted to add with your worries about end of life decisions I e found the GP and care home very supportive. When she was very poorly the GP was the one who suggested leaving her where she was rather than transferring her to hospital for more invasive treatment. She pulled through but it was touch and go.

I'm so sorry your father is putting you in this position - it's totally unfair.
However, OP's situation is different in that both her parents are still alive and if they don't grant LPAs and write Wills then the first deceased will be putting their spouse in a difficult position, not OP. If OP's father, who seems to own the lion's share of their assets, loses capacity without an LPA, he will put his wife in a very difficult position financially whilst he's still alive. Similarly, if he dies first, intestate, she will inherit less than she thought if his estate is valued above £322,000. So, OP's parents may not realise it yet, but in effect they're saying "Fuck you" to each other!
It's terribly sad that people don't realise how incredibly important granting LPAs for their lifetime AND writing Wills for after their death, is. Fortunately, due to your common sense and consideration, your DC won't find themselves in your position and you know they'll thank you for this. 🤗

I think you're entirely reasonable to ask your parents to make provision for their funerals or place of burial and distribution of their assets, and they should do so to help you OP.

The UK government website tells you how their assets will be distributed if they don't make wills - it will be MUCH easier if they do make wills.

Many people do make funeral / burial / cremation plans because handling that without guidance is hard, especially if you're more or less on your own doing it.

But as pp have already said, the most important provision they should make is to establish Lasting Power of Attorney (finance and health & welfare) for you to use should you ever need it. It can be an absolute nightmare to deal with elderly parents' care needs etc if you don't have it. Mid- 70s is in no way 'too early' to be doing this, it needs to be done while people have full capacity and people are really bad at anticipating this. My DM's care home had a number of residents who had become immobile (neuro, osteo etc) or had cognitive problems (stroke, dementias) in their 70s. Almost no-one lives to a ripe old age and simply pops off one morning without intervening years of decline and care needs but people so often refuse to acknowledge this possibility until their children are overwhelmed (daughters mostly).

I've recently dealt with my widowed DM's decline (Parkinson's), care home years, death, cremation and probate - she drew up PoA for me years ago, made as simple a will as possible and told me where she wanted her ashes to go and it was still exhausting and hard.

Of course you're reasonable to want your parents to help you in this.

@angelickaty but if the house is held as joint tenants which us the default for married couples then it won't form part of the estate and the £322k threshold will only apply to other assets. Maybe in your circle it's normal to have that level of assets on top of the marital home, in which case I agree it's worth spending on some inheritance planning if you want to avoid tax (though I am never so sure why the cats' home is a better beneficiary than the taxpayer coffers personally) but for most people it's true that the surviving spouse will inherit all in intestacy, so important to have a will if that's not what you want and you want to prefer children etc but otherwise not the end of the world.

Maybe she had the old style P of A, without (IIRC) a health and welfare section.

I have said this before on here, but when doing our Ps of A, dh and I both added a paragraph to state very clearly in what circs. we emphatically would NOT want any life-saving or life-prolonging treatment.

It worries me that otherwise the default seems to be to keep people going no matter how poor the quality of life, even if someone’s bedbound with e.g. advanced dementia or a catastrophic stroke.

OP - while consensus may be funeral plans are a nice to have and ultimately your parents decision, I do hope you find a way to get your parents to set up those legally important wills and PoA- for their benefit as much as yours.

The varying and often shockingly inaccurate responses on this thread show just how important this issue is. The heartache, headache and financial cost to all of affairs not being in order cannot be overstated, and I am really taken aback with the thinking that 'wills are for old people' and it doesnt matter if you dont have one. It really, really does.

If this thread has made you think, its worth at least acquainting yourself with the actual law and looking at wake-up guides such as https://www.moneysavingexpert.com/family/death-plan/

It can be quite a faff and/or expense to get wills and powers of attorney put in place so there are always plenty of excuses for putting it off. But there are helpful resources and lower cost solutions out there. Knuckle down and get it done whatever age you are.

When my mother died I took the death certificate and her will to her bank (Barclays) to notify them. The person I spoke to gave me an appointment three weeks later to discuss her accounts let alone paying funeral expenses. They did release the money directly to the funeral director's and DH based on invoices and receipts of payment for my mother's funeral and wake, but it took over six weeks and innumerable phone calls to the bereavement team to get the money released. The funeral director must have thought I was trying to stiff him.

It added a whole bunch of stress to an already distressing time. I have rarely dealt with such useless, incompetent people.

To avoid the DC having to deal with such nonsense I have added them to one of my bank accounts that has enough money in it for funeral expenses and running costs for the house for a few months.

As above, when, sadly, the first parent dies, the remaining parent will be next of kin so, with some exceptions, everything passes to them and it will be them making decisions about the funeral.

Don’t assume because they are older (and mid-70s isn’t particularly elderly) they won’t be able to do this. You don’t mention either parent being unwell or having dementia, and it sounds like they are managing their own lives, plus supporting you and your brother, so it is more likely than not they will be capable of this.

(Even if the remaining parent has a dementia diagnosis by then, they may still be able to contribute as capacity isn’t always completely lost in all areas, especially in the early stages, and they may remember details like what their spouse has said about funerals as it would be in their long-term memory.)

When the time comes to plan the second funeral, go back to the same company and ask for the same thing, with whatever tweaks you want; they will have the record of what was done and you’ll have a good idea of what it will cost. If that parent still had the house when they died, it will need to be sold and, unless it is left to just one of you, that will need to be done jointly with your brother.

There is a Tell Us Once service for informing government departments about a death and banks etc have bereavement departments - you won’t need (and are prohibited in law) to access their accounts with their passwords.

Have you made a will? It’s probably more important that you do this than your parents do, as whoever is left behind will need to make arrangements for the care and financial support of your children, and doing so may encourage your parents to at least have the conversations with you.

@user6432879631 "A Will would be ideal, but as they're married everything will pass to the surviving spouse." NO!!! This is the fourth time I've read this and I'm only a page-and-a-half into this thread. Will people PLEASE stop posting this - it's simply not true. The Rules of Intestacy apply and surviving spouses do not inherit everything without their deceased spouse having written a Will to this effect.

An LPA dies with the person who made it (the "donor") - it is void and of no use after death (only a Will is).

@Hedgerow2 "As a pp said, unlikely they will die at the same time so at that point the remaining parent will automatically inherit everything. You can tackle that parent then about a will."
As a pp WRONGLY stated. The Rules of Intestacy apply - the surviving spouse does not "automatically inherit everything".

My DDad had paid for a funeral plan and when he died my DBro said he had the easiest job in the world as DDad had literally prepared for everything. All DBro had to do was choose a date and a venue for the wake.

You can equally say pushing elderly parents to do something to suit you is selfish. Actually arranging the funeral, choosing music etc can be quite positive the last thing you do for your parents. These things aren't all black and white. My mother had no plans, I think she'd have loved her funeral particularly all her GC and their friends who all loved her when they sat talking about their memories of her in her garden with this going on late I to the night.

My mil left exact instructions including a total plonker to make a speech which was as awful as we expected and a minister who she regarded as a close friend conducting the service. I dont think she would have expected the extortionate invoice he submitted.

If you are the only child then without a will it will all go to you anyway? I wouldn't personally be concerned, it sounds like it will be the same result unless they wanted to leave something to the grandchildren.
My mum has a will but I don't think she has a funeral plan. She is in her 80s but there is no way I would ask her about getting one.

Remember as well when thinking a solicitor may be expensive to administer the estate, if you are the one running round doing everything, sorting it all out and the other beneficiaries are doing SFA, that any solicitors charges come off the estate so a 4k bill is 1k each less for 4 people for example.

I find the denial of death always interesting - we all die it is as simple as that, no cheat codes or get out clauses it comes for us all.

So why not make your wishes clear, setting out a will is very straightforward and easy and does make things simpler and quicker.

Having a funeral plan or money set aside or your wishes know is also a good idea.

having these doesn’t affect when you die or how you live at all. Talking about it doesn’t somehow make you more likely to die but sorting it out does make it easier for those left behind

Will they be ten good years, though? That's when POA comes into its own.

I agree. LPAs and Wills are essential, but funeral plans are not. Someone can state in their Will if they wish to be cremated or buried (and include any other specific details if they wish) and then the next of kin can make the funeral plans with other family members and the chosen undertaker.

I am currently in the situation where my stepfather has died with no will or funeral plan and my DM is seriously ill in hospital and it seems overwhelming trying to sort everything out when the next of kin is incapacitated.
At least you'll be directly related to both 😔 but things do happen to complicate matters and it doesn't necessarily have to mean both die at the same time.
I can understand your concern OP but there's nothing you can do about it if they won't discuss or sort anything out.

Not these days. I got several paper copies of Dad's death certificate but only really needed one. Tell Us Once service was very useful. Registrar notified HMRC, NHS, DSS, DVLA, council, probably others. Some financial institutions can access that database too. Others were happy to accept photo of certificate or saw it in branch and handed it back.

I can see that it’s really annoying but I wouldn’t get stressed about it.
How much money are we talking about? If it’s an expensive house and considerably savings you can pay someone to sort it. Yes it will cost a lot, but payment will come out of the estate.
If they only have a small amount then it’s relatively easy to do.

But why. Not doing this means that you are choosing for your kids to have to make a whole bunch of decisions in a short space of time when they are grief stricken, and potentially having to pay thousands for it. It is a selfish thing to do and so easily avoided.