Page 6 | Elderly parents won't write wills or funeral plans.

TonTonMacoute · 09/02/2025 12:35

The estate pays for the funeral. If you present the bill to the deceased's bank they will pay it out of the estate even if probate isn't sorted yet.

People do need to do wills though. As PPs say it doesn't have to cost a fortune but it will make everyone's life much much easier, especially after the second parent dies.

Even when people think they don't have much worth leaving you would be amazed at the people who pop up out of the wood work when someone dies.

Forget the funeral plan for now OP, but do try and get them to write wills. Good luck.

AngelicKaty · 09/02/2025 12:33

Redhairandhottubs · 09/02/2025 10:00

God, my parents are mid 70s and currently travelling round Australia in a camper van! No idea whether they have wills, don't feel it's my place to ask. Unless there's a reason to think otherwise, they could have years left and very unlikely to go at the same time. My Mum would be furious to be described as elderly!

You could ask them, though, if they've granted each other LPAs should one of them lose capacity. 🤔

I8toys · 09/02/2025 12:31

I personally feel that its selfish. Its taking the responsibility away from them and putting it onto their loved ones shoulders. We've got two parents both with dementia - POA's in place, wills in place, funeral plans in place - its been easier with all this already sorted. Although a house full of hoarded rubbish has been difficult and a thousand and one bank accounts. Spreadsheet with all accounts and passwords is essential.

My parents having seen what has happened with my inlaws and have put their wills in place and just actioned POA. They also downsized and regularly give away anything not needed to charity shops. Thank you mum and dad.

My husband and I in our 50's have sorted our wills and just sent off our POA's to be actioned. When we have some spare cash we'll sort the funeral plans. I do not want my children to have to find money to bury or cremate us or deal with the admin. We want to make it as easy as possible. That is the best gift I can give to them.

HappyCatHouse · 09/02/2025 12:26

Hoppingabout · 09/02/2025 09:10

Lasting Powers of Attorney would be more important than a Will. At least with death, the Intestacy Rules will say where your assets go. Maybe they just don't want to put funeral wishes down. Some people just don't so I wouldn't press them. Also paying for funeral plans can work out more expensive than just paying at the time.

LPAs are the thing. Loss of capacity is much trickier for the people that have to pick up the pieces as something has to be done by someone...you cant just leave things. If you don't have LPAs, someone (you) need to go to court and get a deputy appointed to deal with finances which takes ages and in the meantime everything (including joint bank accounts) is frozen. The court usually won't appoint a deputy to deal with your health and welfare so legally decisions are made by the court/social services.

It's a real pain. Tell them they aren't making a Will or LPA for themselves. They are doing it for the people left to sort things out for them.

Edited

This.

and anyone reading this thread who doesn’t have POAs in place, do it this month. It’s easy to do yourself, just follow the instructions carefully. Make it easy for those who will have to pick up the pieces when you become incapacitated.

if you’re single, separated, or don’t want your spouse to get their hands on your money, make a will. See a solicitor, buy a will pack or download one. Just make sure it is properly witnessed.

Kilroywashere · 09/02/2025 12:23

You can go into a stationery shop and buy a will form, which comes with instructions for filling it out if all that's needed is a simple will. It's better than nothing at all.

eg. If my spouse outlives me by 28 days I leave everything to my spouse, otherwise I leave everything to my children in equal shares. (stated in more formal language!) The time delay is to allow for both being in an accident for instance and one living a short time more than the other.

You can include a document with wishes, which aren't binding but let your relatives know if there's something special you'd like done - "no funeral flowers" or "please make sure my cat goes to a good home" or "Burn my diaries - don't you dare read them!"

AngelicKaty · 09/02/2025 12:19

MrsFunnyFanny · 09/02/2025 09:46

My mum always refused to entertain conversations about death. However…the situation we’re in now is also something to consider. Funeral plans, and wishes are one thing - but what about their wishes should they be hospitalised, disabled, unable to move or swallow, but breathing for themselves?
Getting Lasting Power of Attorney signed and registered makes it so so much easier for next of kin to influence treatment, and make sensible decisions in line with loved one’s wishes. I’d advise everyone to try to get LPA sorted - all their wishes can be noted and clearly documented. Would they want to be resuscitated? At what point would they want to refuse life-prolonging treatment, would they want active treatment with antibiotics or would they prefer to just let go? Would they want to be tube fed nasally, to keep them alive if they can’t physically swallow?
Nobody expects things like massive disabling strokes to happen to them or their loved ones, but unfortunately they can and do.

I'm so sorry to hear about your situation and you're absolutely right to highlight the need to have a "Health and Welfare" LPA in place (many people only focus on getting a "Property and Financial Affairs" LPA in place, but they're both essential and have to be granted separately by the donor before they lose capacity).

MikeRafone · 09/02/2025 12:16

Parker231 · 09/02/2025 09:09

How would you pay for the funeral or wind up their affairs without a will or LPOA?

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you don't need either to organise a funeral - infact a lpoa is null void after death

I paid for the funeral and then took the money back after probate was granted some week later

cakewench · 09/02/2025 12:15

Thankfully, my DF had such a terrible time dealing with his parents' estate (and that was a relatively cut and dry situation, he was an only child and they had been in assisted living for a while, so had already downsized etc) that he set up a living trust immediately after.

My mother has a basic will which isn't great but it's a start. A trust would mean I wouldn't struggle with the house for months. (They live in the USA. Divorced and live hundreds of miles apart, of course!)

I think people need to sort out wills when they're relatively young, because it feels less real if you're doing it in your late 40s. There's a lot of people judging the people in their 70s but if you haven't done one yet and you have children, you should probably start looking into it now. We see so many threads about one parent dying, the other remarrying and the estate essentially going to the new children. You think your spouse will look after your children until they are 20 years down the road with a new spouse and kids.

custardpyjamas · 09/02/2025 12:10

Iaminthefly · 09/02/2025 08:41

AIBU to be starting to get seriously stressed about it?

My parents are both mid 70s. I have been asking them for several years now to please sort out their wills and funeral plans. They keep saying they will but still haven't done it.

I am a lone parent of two young DC. No other real family support other than my parents. I have an older brother but given my DM still buys his food shopping it's doubtful how much help he would be.

I just really worried that I'm going to end up negotiating funerals and estates (niether of which I have any experience of) absolutely blind because they won't put anything in place. I also stress I'll make a complete balls up of it because I will be absolutely grief stricken.

I've asked and asked but they will not do it. Nobody likes facing their mortality but I'm starting to feel its quite selfish of them not to get it sorted out.

Having done this, it's not that hard. Pick a funeral service (for argument sake say the Coop) tell them who's died and where they are, they arrange everything, then they come to your house to talk to you about the arrangements, you can pick the casket, flowers, etc from a catalogue, you tell them what announcement you want in the paper which will give the funeral details as well. They will ask what sort of funeral, what celebrant and arrange everything for you.

There will be a paper trail to follow, report the death and get a death certificate from the registrars office, councils now usually have a one stop service that sorts out all sorts automatically. For the estate just go to a solicitor (if you don't want to tackle it yourself) they will handle everything, they will contact banks and building societies, other investment companies and utilities, they will collect the funds and deal with probate if necessary. If there is a house to sell they will act on your behalf on that too.

If your parents don't want to think about it or arrange anything just leave it alone you will cope fine.

1234567890qwerty · 09/02/2025 12:09

Parker231 · 09/02/2025 09:09

How would you pay for the funeral or wind up their affairs without a will or LPOA?

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I didn't have LPOA for my dad or a will, I contacted the bank and they said that if I sent them a photo of the death certificate and receipts for the funeral expenses they'd transfer the money to my account. Even if we had a LPOA that wouldn't have helped as it ends when they die.

If the estate is over a certain value you apply for probate either with or without a will. If op's parents want everything split 50/50 the process is no different.

AngelicKaty · 09/02/2025 12:08

TheignT · 09/02/2025 09:44

Doesn't that depend on how much money you have? I have money in the bank and so does DH. It wouldn't really matter if we had to wait a year. We'd also inherit half of each others pensions. We dont want joint accounts and don't need them. It isn't a bad idea for us.

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So I'm guessing you have financial LPAs in place so that you can each access each other's money if one of you loses capacity to manage their own affairs?

Iwanttoliveonamountain · 09/02/2025 12:07

BinaryDot · 09/02/2025 11:36

I think you're entirely reasonable to ask your parents to make provision for their funerals or place of burial and distribution of their assets, and they should do so to help you OP.

The UK government website tells you how their assets will be distributed if they don't make wills - it will be MUCH easier if they do make wills.

Many people do make funeral / burial / cremation plans because handling that without guidance is hard, especially if you're more or less on your own doing it.

But as pp have already said, the most important provision they should make is to establish Lasting Power of Attorney (finance and health & welfare) for you to use should you ever need it. It can be an absolute nightmare to deal with elderly parents' care needs etc if you don't have it. Mid- 70s is in no way 'too early' to be doing this, it needs to be done while people have full capacity and people are really bad at anticipating this. My DM's care home had a number of residents who had become immobile (neuro, osteo etc) or had cognitive problems (stroke, dementias) in their 70s. Almost no-one lives to a ripe old age and simply pops off one morning without intervening years of decline and care needs but people so often refuse to acknowledge this possibility until their children are overwhelmed (daughters mostly).

I've recently dealt with my widowed DM's decline (Parkinson's), care home years, death, cremation and probate - she drew up PoA for me years ago, made as simple a will as possible and told me where she wanted her ashes to go and it was still exhausting and hard.

Of course you're reasonable to want your parents to help you in this.

The age is one of your post is absolutely shocking! mid 70s? Power of attorney.?

SummerFeverVenice · 09/02/2025 12:06

If your parents want their estates to go to each other if one dies first, and then to you and your brother in equal shares when they are both gone, then there is no need for a will. It’s a complete waste of time. A will is only needed if you want to deviate from the standard rules of inheritance- ie leave it all to a charity or skip you and give to your brother and your children only, or have small bequests to friends etc.

As for a funeral, maybe they don’t care about a funeral. I would be proactive and say, I think a direct cremation and scattering ashes is what I would do for you. That’s their chance to object or agree and hey presto you know their wishes and can write down the outline of a plan.

Paying for a funeral gets charged to the estate, and prepaid funerals can be a total rip off anyway. I just used my credit card and got refunded the money when my mum passed away.

Yalta · 09/02/2025 12:03

My estranged father died without leaving a will. As his only child I should have inherited

However his multi millionaire brother decided that I wasn’t his child (even though my distinct hair and eye colour were nothing like my mothers side of the family and were the exact same as his own mothers)

He put himself down as NOK and said there were no other relatives and inherited everything

I didn’t find out he had died till a few years later. I think my father thought I would be the one to inherit if he didn’t leave a will so didn’t think he would have to spell it out in a document

After seeing people who do make wills and listening to their expectations I suggest to everyone writing a will that they don’t assume that if they leave everything to their spouse with the expectation that the children will get it all when the spouse dies that if they want the children to have an inheritance they put it in their will and leave them an inheritance and not leave it up to someone else to do their job for them.

Your parents no matter how much they think they don’t need to write a will, not doing so is leaving them open to having their estate transferred to someone else and their children and family ending up with nothing

Iwanttoliveonamountain · 09/02/2025 12:03

Let your parents live their lives. They could have 15 to 20 years left reminding them of their death is morbid.

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 09/02/2025 11:59

AngelicKaty · 09/02/2025 11:49

Unless the funeral plan company goes bust (like Safe Hands Plans Ltd and One Life Funeral Planning Ltd) and you join a long line of creditors wondering if you'll get back anything you paid in (some people have lost £1,000s). I'd never buy a funeral plan.

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TBH I don’t see the need either. I and siblings have arranged a few funerals, and they didn’t involve much apart from one meeting with the funeral director, and deciding what to put on the order of service, finding a photo, choosing any hymns/songs etc.

Any ‘wake’ will never be covered anyway. I had no idea how many would be coming to FiL’s (died in early January) so we just invited everybody back to ours, where I’d prepared two really big shepherd’s pies, ditto two of macaroni cheese, just to have with peas. Worked fine, and thankfully was enough.

gatheryerosebuds · 09/02/2025 11:58

longestlurkerever · 09/02/2025 11:35

@angelickaty but if the house is held as joint tenants which us the default for married couples then it won't form part of the estate and the £322k threshold will only apply to other assets. Maybe in your circle it's normal to have that level of assets on top of the marital home, in which case I agree it's worth spending on some inheritance planning if you want to avoid tax (though I am never so sure why the cats' home is a better beneficiary than the taxpayer coffers personally) but for most people it's true that the surviving spouse will inherit all in intestacy, so important to have a will if that's not what you want and you want to prefer children etc but otherwise not the end of the world.

Exactly. The surviving spouse gets the house if it was jointly owned and over £300,000 plus half the rest. What is then left over goes to the children
So if the estate is comprised of a jointly owned house and less than £322,000 in the bank, the spouse will get everything

Yalta · 09/02/2025 11:58

taxguru · 09/02/2025 09:01

You don’t need passwords etc in fact it’d be illegal to use them after death. You’d just contact the bank or company, and give the, a copy of the death certificate and then usually the investments are sold and funds paid to the estate. Same with bank accounts etc.

if you can’t do things yourself then you get professionals to either help or do it themselves, I.e. a solicitor can do the form filling for probate etc. Undertakers are accustomed to helping people who never organised a funeral before, etc. It’s one area where most professionals are sympathetic and helpful. Most banks have bereavement depts who are likewise accustomed to dealing with deceased clients and their estates.

It really isn’t the end of the world if someone dies without a will or funeral plan, the worst is that they may not get the funeral they wanted or the money may not go to who they wanted it to, but thats their fault if they didn’t plan. All you can do when the inevitable happens is do your best and take advice.

I think the point is that the surviving spouse won’t know which companies to contact

BobnLen · 09/02/2025 11:58

I'm not doing a funeral plan but DH and DS know I want a direct cremation which is the cheapest option, obviously if anyone wants to do the full works they can but I'll be dead anyway.

Purplebunnie · 09/02/2025 11:58

Do they realise the implications of not writing a Will? Dying intestate can cause extra problems for you

longestlurkerever · 09/02/2025 11:56

Caplin · 09/02/2025 11:52

I’ve just looked at rules for England and Wales, and Scotland. Whilst you are right the spouse does get the bulk.

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And will likely get the marital home on top if held as joint tenants. I really don't think thus statement is so wrong in the majority of cases (and why it's important to make alternative provision if its not what you want - eg you have prior children)

longestlurkerever · 09/02/2025 11:53

And the point about funeral fees going up but you paying a fixed amount, that's because your money was worth more back whe. You paid it out too.

Caplin · 09/02/2025 11:52

AngelicKaty · 09/02/2025 11:26

@user6432879631 "A Will would be ideal, but as they're married everything will pass to the surviving spouse." NO!!! This is the fourth time I've read this and I'm only a page-and-a-half into this thread. Will people PLEASE stop posting this - it's simply not true. The Rules of Intestacy apply and surviving spouses do not inherit everything without their deceased spouse having written a Will to this effect.

I’ve just looked at rules for England and Wales, and Scotland. Whilst you are right the spouse does get the bulk.

FloppySarnie · 09/02/2025 11:52

The problem with dying intestate is the that the spouse only gets the first £333k of the estate and the rest is split between spouse and any children. This can cause huge complications for the spouse left behind as they often have less than they think.
www.gov.uk/inherits-someone-dies-without-will/y/england-and-wales/yes/after-jul-2023/yes

AngelicKaty · 09/02/2025 11:49

TinyMouseTheatre · 09/02/2025 09:22

I'm not sure if the OP means paying for their funeral upfront which is often marketed as a "Funeral Plan" or is talking of planning their Funeral, like you'd plan any event, with what music you'd want etc.

Most of our families but a Funeral Plan as they age as it can be useful to reduce savings, shouts you need care. It also bloody really helps when you die

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Unless the funeral plan company goes bust (like Safe Hands Plans Ltd and One Life Funeral Planning Ltd) and you join a long line of creditors wondering if you'll get back anything you paid in (some people have lost £1,000s). I'd never buy a funeral plan.