Elderly parents won't write wills or funeral plans.

He could have relinquished the executor role - it's not compulsory to do it if you're named in a will.

I agree. It can be a great shock to see how quickly someone can deteriorate. People often say that they'll do the POA or will when they feel "the time is right", but often that moment comes and goes and they don't do it, and then it's too late. My MIL had dementia but at first, it was just general forgetfulness, and once she was reminded, she'd be able to understand, etc., such as dealing with finances, investments, etc. We'd talk about POA, and she'd agree to do it, understood what it was, etc., but would then just push back, saying she'll know when the time's right. Next day, she'd have forgotten all about it and we'd have the same conversation again. She was able to sign paperwork, we could take her to the bank, etc., so she was "competent" as far as it went. But then she went downhill rapidly, and the moment passed within a few days, to where she couldn't understand what a POA was, and there was no way we'd get anyone to certify her as understanding what she was signing. It caused no end of problems with finances, etc., and we couldn't even use her money to pay for care as getting the alternative to a POA takes about six months. An absolute nightmare. People really need to take it more seriously and get their affairs sorted whilst they're mentally competent to understand what they're doing and literally things can change on the flip of a coin when you're elderly.

My mother was and is tough as they come, and that's why she is still alive at 90 following a big stroke at 87 which has eventually robbed her of speech, mobility and mental capacity. If she had done an LPOA for health instead of just finances, we would have been able to be her voice much more effectively.

I'm 55 and finally doing my LPOA now that ds is 21. I personally felt he was too young to have it before that.

My mil did the opposite, she did her will without telling anyone, leaving everything to her daughter but making my dh executor so he had all of the responsibility and none of the reward.

Also you don't need to be elderly to lose capacity (unless you can be 100% sure you won't be in an accident which results in a coma obviously).

Good on your mum - it's not morbid at all - it's kind, considerate and common sense and I hope you love her even more for doing it. 😍BTW, do please open it - if only to make sure she hasn't password-protected it (given it contains highly sensitive info') and has forgotten to tell you. 😱😂

Doesn't matter how "tough" they are if they suffer physical or mental illness.

My MIL was "tough" but she suffered dementia and had a very poor quality of life in her last few years in terms of confusion, memory loss, frustration by not being able to do things, etc.

My mother's last few years were dominated by hospital visits firstly due to a hip replacement, and as soon as she was recovered from that and able to be out and about on her own again, she got cancer and suffered a couple of years of on/off cancer treatment, chemotherapy, radiotherapy, a couple of operations, etc.

Both were fiercely independent but when the body or mind gives up on you, it really doesn't matter how "tough" they once were!

An LPA is void after the donor has died and has nothing to do with sorting out the affairs of someone who's died. In order to do that they either have to be a named Executor in the deceased's Will, or if there is no Will, to apply to Letters of Administration, before applying for Probate.

It really, really isn't. Powers of Attorney are best drawn up well in advance of need. You can't give PoA if there's any loss of capacity. The process children (or whoever you would give your PoA to) have to go through to manage your affairs without one is difficult and takes a long time, meanwhile others take those decisions out of everyone's hands.

You can't know when you are going to need someone to manage your affairs suddenly and many elderly people jog along without noticing or in denial about their capabilities declining - it's only human but it causes such problems later on. People are really bad at acknowledging what is likely to happen. Everyone thinks they are in control.

Powers of Attorney in England & Wales are drawn up and lie dormant until needed, they can only be activated when you lose capacity health), or you lose capacity or give explicit permission (finance only) which can be withdrawn. I have mine already drawn up and I'm 60.

I'm very glad for her and you that that's how it was for your Mum, but she was an outlier. I know quite a number of women of a similar age to me or a bit older (I'm 63) and almost all of them have had a lot to do supporting one or more elderly parents, parents-in-law and other relatives through years and years of increasing frailty, ill health, needing care at home to be able to stay there, sometimes having to go into a care home or nursing home. My recent experience with my Mum, whose health is declining pretty fast now, has made me think long and hard about what to do now and over the next few years to make things easier for our children when the time comes. I hope to have a reasonably healthy life for a good few years to come, but nothing is guaranteed.

Because it's a very rude way of going about things.

No, not all, as @ThisFluentBiscuit 's experience has shown, but most will. However, it's at the bank's discretion and policies vary between institutions, so it's unfortunate that @ThisFluentBiscuit is dealing with a bank that's making things even more difficult at what is already a difficult time. Shame on them (wonder which bank it is?).

I haven't had a chance to read the whole thread but one thing I would say is that in my view tactfully establishing what a person wants done with their remains is more important than what they want at their funeral service. The latter is over and done with but the former stays on.

I speak at someone who is currently 'looking after' two lots of ashes from close relatives because they didn't specify what they wanted done with them.

Do they realise that when one dies, the other will only get £322k plus half of what’s left under Intestacy rules ?
Not a problem if the Estate is under that, could be a big problem if over, your Brother could legally demand his share and so could you.

That's your personal experience and I'm sorry you're involved with a bank that is being difficult about it. In the UK, most banks will release funds from a deceased person's account to cover funeral expenses before probate is granted, provided you present a copy of the death certificate and funeral invoice - my husband has done this twice now in recent years. However, this is at the bank's discretion and policies may vary between institutions, so clearly the bank you're dealing with isn't very understanding and I'm sorry they've made it difficult for you.

We each speak our own experience my mother died at 93. She was totally independent lived on her own did everything for herself - her generation was tough She was a very impressive lady.

Yes, but as I've said once already on this thread, what sort of quality of life will they have in those 15 to 20 years? Will they still be in good health and fitness and have full mental capacity? Taking my parents as an example, they were in reasonably good health in their mid 70s and then started to slow down (physically) as they moved through their 80s. Once mobility goes and the older person is starting to get tired more quickly and to struggle with lifting, standing on stools etc there are practical issues in getting things like downsizing, sorting of house contents and going to the solicitor's office, even when a person has full capacity. My Dad died at 89 and my Mum at 92 is not going to be with us much longer. I am so relieved that they sorted their affairs out long ago when they were well able to cope with that task, and also did a lot of sorting and disposing of stuff. This is just one case, but many older people die long before the late 80s/early 90s and it's often after several sad and difficult years of poor health and cognitive decline.

"All plans have to be FCA regulated nowadays so your money is safe if the funeral plan company goes out of business." Indeed, they should be regulated by the FCA, but there's nothing to stop a company setting up as a funeral plan provider and just adding the FCA logo to their website and literature. It's incumbent on everyone thinking of taking out such a plan to check the FCA website first to ensure their potential provider is an authorised provider because if they're not, then no claim could be made to the FSCS for compensation if that company goes bust.

I’ll be the same ie parent with no will. Bank will advance money for the funeral or funeral directors will wait or I’ll pay for it whilst the funds come through. I’m an only child so I’ll complete the online forms and it will eventually all come to me. Having a will doesn’t stop you having to do admin. Just slightly different admin.

now a caveat here is that I’m not close to my mum so won’t be consumed with grief so will be just a process to perform and I don’t need the money.

That's very poor. By contrast, a few days after my Dad died my Mum and I walked round to her branch of Bank of Scotland and the whole thing was dealt with then and there in a private room. A member of staff in branch did the ID checks and confirmed to the bereavement team that he'd seen the original death certificate and will. The bereavement team put everything in train immediately to convert the joint accounts into accounts in Mum's sole name, reissued her cheque book and debit card, closed Dad's credit card, and confirmed that a small amount in an ISA in Dad's sole name could be released to Mum on completion of a form, which they sent by post. I was advised by branch staff that the quickest way to get Mum a new credit card (she had been the second cardholder on Dad's) was to apply online rather than in branch, and so it proved. Over the next few weeks I was able to get the POA accepted and get online access to Mum's accounts. There were a few longish phone calls but it all went remarkably smoothly. The one big fly in the ointment was that BoS closed the branch three months later, but that was far less of a problem than it would have been without the PoA and online access (Mum won't countenance online banking for herself, so I am doing virtually everything - not much work, but essential).

We don't bank with BoS ourselves, but on the strength of how this has all worked out I'd consider them if we lived north of the border.

Sorry, I have not read the full thread so sorry if I am repeating stuff others have said.

Age UK do a nice ‘life book’ where you record the important accounts, utilities, funeral plans, friends’ phone numbers etc. it’s worded sensitively. Just call them and they will send them out at no cost.

I am in my 50s and did my PoA and life book at the same time that my parents did theirs in their 70s. It made it feel like an admin task we were doing together. Rather than signing them off as on death’s door.

Op been here, parent passed away, I was nok on health records, penniless, nothing in place, I had to take out credit card to pay for his funeral, funeral services now take payment up front before hand,
Lessons learnt for me, to never leave my children in this situation after my death, so funeral plan done, child has all documents, will done, also ' got a folder from amazon called ' when am gone' it will help my children in following days and months without added trauma or stress, so things like, account numbers, pin numbers for fone, cancellation of home items ' wifi, tv license, gas electric amazon account, eg, many more pages for leaving letters to loved ones, photos, grandchildren eg, wishes, I feel I have left a nice gift at the saddest time that they need to negotiate without worry,

Sudden loss of a person is bad enough without any added financial worries or wishes of that person wanted, I did not know my parents wishes on death or ever ask if they had a funeral plan or finances to support this, didn't cross my mind, so yes your right to ask, it's OK to have this conversation and how you prepare moving forwards, good luck op

It's a huge amount of work to sort funerals etc for people without wills. After the death of the last parent, the money from their estate won't be released for months so they are expecting you to pay out thousands for funerals in the interim.

They're being incredibly selfish in leaving it all to others.

Neither of my parents made a will, but both were so incapacitated before they died I had access to the bank accounts with their bank cards so could pay for the funerals. My mum had said in conversation that she wanted a natural eco friendly burial so that’s what I arranged. My dad never addressed what he wanted and died during the pandemic so I got him cremated with the Co-Op. I wouldn’t have dreamed of asking either of them about what they wanted! I’m 61 now and I plan to live a good few years yet, my best friend is 80 and she doesn’t mention dying either. I have mentioned to my son in conversation that I want to be Aquamated, a new way of disposing of the body that is gaining traction and will hopefully be mainstream by the time I pop my clogs! I only mentioned it because I had read an article about it.

Mid-70s is not elderly. If someone is struggling physically or cognitively it will be due to a medical condition, the same as if they were any other younger age, not due to their age alone.

You need to be using average life expectancy for a person in their mid-70s for your calculations, which is higher than the average life expectancy for all people.