Elderly parents won't write wills or funeral plans.

I don't know how happy I'd be with someone going on at me about what happens if I die. If they don't want to think about it now, then that's up to them. Stop going on at them. No one knows what to do when someone dies if you've never experienced it before, but everyone gets through it.

It is selfish but may be unintentional. Tackle it together.,Coop is a good shout.

Go on YouTube and look up Mel Robbins Let Them theory

if they don't want to make funeral plans ... let them. They will be straight forward to organise when they've gone.

If they don't want to make wills ... let them. The rules of intestacy will ensure once they're both gone you and your brother will inherit the lot.

Of course, you will be grief stricken but you'll get on with it. I'm speaking from experience. In the meantime - they're alive - enjoy them!

You don’t need passwords etc in fact it’d be illegal to use them after death. You’d just contact the bank or company, and give the, a copy of the death certificate and then usually the investments are sold and funds paid to the estate. Same with bank accounts etc.

if you can’t do things yourself then you get professionals to either help or do it themselves, I.e. a solicitor can do the form filling for probate etc. Undertakers are accustomed to helping people who never organised a funeral before, etc. It’s one area where most professionals are sympathetic and helpful. Most banks have bereavement depts who are likewise accustomed to dealing with deceased clients and their estates.

It really isn’t the end of the world if someone dies without a will or funeral plan, the worst is that they may not get the funeral they wanted or the money may not go to who they wanted it to, but thats their fault if they didn’t plan. All you can do when the inevitable happens is do your best and take advice.

Oh cross posts OP! Then I wouldn’t go with sorting the whole thing (daunting) but one thing each- eg can you look into how to buy a plot if your mum doesn’t want to be cremated and give her the info.

For your dad, ask him if he can write down somewhere a list of all the shares he has, savings accounts etc so if anything happens to him you’ve got it all. (Not a full will. Just a list of what’s where, he doesn’t have to give you that now.)

if the issue with your dad is that it’s going to be tough to work out what he’s got, you run the risk of a will being him writing a short document saying “I leave everything to my wife, unless she precedes me or dies at the same time, then everything I own is split equally between my children.” - this doesn’t help you with working out what he’s got and who to contact to get everything into your mums name!

My mum is late 70s . I wouldn’t dream of asking her to write a funeral plan.
I think she does have a will. I haven’t asked or nagged.
If she died then I would invite all her friends and family to a funeral with a burial . No big deal…

We keep all our finances separate which is one reason we set up POA for each other. That way DH can access all my finances etc if he needs to.

I’ve just done mine this week with the Co-Op. They were really friendly and helpful. Our mirror will cost £245 total. We also did POAs at the same time (lots more money though)

All this was done through a Teams call.

Might it be worth contacting the Co-Op and explaining, then set up a call and go over to your parents with and do it with them?

OP - it is highly unlikely they will both die at the same time. So if they are married and one dies without a will, then simply put everything goes to the other one. While you will probably have to sort the funeral, you will have the other parent there to guide to what they would want.

IME couples who both don’t want to talk about wills last until the first is seriously unwell, then the other does.

Same boat here.

Also my parents are in Ireland and the government there has made it virtually impossible to set up POAs for them.

I think the only thing you can do is present them with a plan and ask them to pay for it.

And set up POAs for them.

Make sure they have wills. If not get a DIY will kit.

If they refuse to engage, then spell out what you will or won't be able to do when they become infirm or pass away.

I have given up trying to get my parents to make a plan for their future. The only thing I can do is be clear about my own boundaries.