Elderly parents won't write wills or funeral plans.

OP be careful you aren't pressurising your parents into doing something they don't want to do (as this could invalidate anything they sign). I'd always go to a solicitor for this sort of thing particularly if your parents are elderly.

POA for both health and finance would be my first priority, we will include this at our next Will review, we are in our 50’s. If they do both become infirm, its very difficult without it.

A Will would be ideal, but as they're married everything will pass to the surviving spouse. Then between you and sibling.

Funeral - well thats for the living, so if they are not worried enough to express any wishes, you can do as you like.

the deceaseds bank will pay for the funeral if there is money in the account - they don’t need a will or lpoa. There are intestancy laws for those without a will. There are procedures in place.

It depends how much is in the estate. The Intestacy Rules state that the first £322,000 goes to the spouse and then half the rest. The other half of the remainder is divided between the children. (A house owned as joint tenants will automatically go to the surviving owner).

A beneficiary can ask for their share immediately which may put a surviving spouse in a pickle. A will is better.

I just really worried that I'm going to end up negotiating funerals and estates (niether of which I have any experience of) absolutely blind because they won't put anything in place.

Well usually nobody does have experience of this until they have to do it for a parent.

Surely all you need to know about funerals is if they want to be buried or cremated and deal with that when the comes. If they won't even let you know that then just tell them cremation is the default approach if they don't tell you otherwise. Then stop hassling them about it.

As a pp said, unlikely they will die st the same time so at that point the remaining parent will automatically inherit everything. You can tackle that parent then about a will.

POA they absolutely should have. You could download and complete the forms yourself and just ask them to sign?

My estranged DF didn't have a will, the Co op arranged a direct cremation though obviously if you want a funeral they will do that also.and I then used them for probate and they sorted out the Letters of Administration. Hardest thing is sorting out the belongings and gathering paperwork which you have to do whether there is a will or not

My grandmother had her funeral planned decades in advance, and an account to pay for it. Her wishes were very important to her. I think it's a way of making it easier for the grieving family , I'm irish though so culturally funerals are important.

I agree 100% about wills - it’s just daft to neglect this, but funeral plans? TBH I wouldn’t expect this - despite the million TV ads urging people to do it!

Assuming there will be enough money eventually to pay for a funeral, you can arrange one when the time comes - you don’t even have to pay in advance. From experience, funeral companies will wait until probate is sorted out, which could be months away.

I agree they should do it. But on the positive side re funerals, my dh died young and suddenly with no preferences stated. That meant I could do whatever felt right at the time for us. I'm certain if he'd written his wishes he would have assumed nobody would want to be there. As it was, it was an amazing and healing celebration of his happier times, with so much help given by friends and family. Likewise I've been to funerals planned to the nth inch by the dying person and tbh they can be appallingly long too much.

The thing I was most relieved I had when dh died was his email password. Otherwise, institutions are in my experience pretty good about bereavement admin. There's always a lot to plough through but once you have copies of the death certificate the doors open and they are helpful. So try not to worry too much.

This.

Leave them alone.

Yep that's whst happened with my mum.

@x2boys but they don't have any requests as there's no funeral plans.

If both one dies then the other parent can pay. If the last parent dies then the money etc. will automatically go to OP and her brother, so the funeral can be paid from the estate.

Funeral directors are quite used to people who have not done it before and give you options.

A funeral plan really is not a necessity.

When my dad died the funeral directors were very helpful and talked us through the options and my mum chose what she wanted. They really do hold your hand through the process.

Wills - again if they are married then when the first one dies it will all go to the second one. At which point the survivor may be more amenable to writing a will.

This isn't something you can make them do.

Funeral plans are straight forward (but still hugely stressful ime) if there's a pot of money readily available to pay for them.

If the money is locked up in another account that the surviving partner can't get access to or has been frozen, not so much.

My friend's father died recently. He'd always dealt with everything- bills, banking - on line. No passwords left, his wife couldn't even access the accounts. Nightmare. And not lots of support round to help her, just my friend. OP is right to worry.

A will is good idea, but I've never heard of anyone doing a funeral plan for themselves. Don't the family just go to the Co-op after the death and they tell you what to do?

Funerals can be quite expensive depending on the deceased requests how would the Op pay for it if she can t access her parents accounts ?

If my children presented me with a funeral plan and demanded I pay for it ( as suggested up thread) I would be beyond furious at the imposition.

Agree with this. Especially on funeral plans- if they had strong feelings about their funerals they could make a plan. They haven't, so there it is. Funeral directors are absolutely used to dealing with bereaved people who don't know how to organise a funeral and they will guide you through the process. Likewise their estate- if they die intestate the estate is shared equally between their children (assuming they are in England or Wales). Quite simple.

It is annoying that your parents won't engage but worrying about it won't help.

Lasting Powers of Attorney would be more important than a Will. At least with death, the Intestacy Rules will say where your assets go. Maybe they just don't want to put funeral wishes down. Some people just don't so I wouldn't press them. Also paying for funeral plans can work out more expensive than just paying at the time.

LPAs are the thing. Loss of capacity is much trickier for the people that have to pick up the pieces as something has to be done by someone...you cant just leave things. If you don't have LPAs, someone (you) need to go to court and get a deputy appointed to deal with finances which takes ages and in the meantime everything (including joint bank accounts) is frozen. The court usually won't appoint a deputy to deal with your health and welfare so legally decisions are made by the court/social services.

It's a real pain. Tell them they aren't making a Will or LPA for themselves. They are doing it for the people left to sort things out for them.

Arranging a funeral is surprisingly simple, sadly ilmy mum passed away recently ,and my dad phoned the Co op funeral service s a couple of hours later and they organised everything including a requiem mass( my parents are catholic) and committal at the Crematorium
And then my Dad and sister organised after the funeral buffet at the local sports club
They do have wills though and my dad has the financial means to pay for everything.

The most important thing of all is that you manage to get them to make a list of all bank accounts, investments, portfolios and life assurance policies they hold (if any) because you need to know where to look. Power of attorney is useful if one or other develop dementia but not as important as a list of financials.

I would also get them to list who they have utilities, insurance etc with because again it saves a lot of searching and finally try to get them to make a really simple will - you can use an online template or buy a kit very cheaply (WH Smith used to have them) where you list all their assets (you'll need to do two separate ones) then they say where it's going, if it's simple as 50/50 with your brother it makes it easy then finally get them to nominate an executor before getting a non beneficiary and non family member to witness it (check if you need one or two, I can't remember). All can be achieved in an afternoon for very little money

If you persuade them to do the powers of attorney (finance is the more important one) you do it online on the government portal, it costs though!

Keeping money separate isn't necessarily a bad thing. My DAunt might have to go into care shortly. As we're in the England and she has little savings it's likely that SS will fund whereas if DUncles savings were taken into account she's probably be self funding for a little while anyway.

I've found that arranging funerals isn't pleasant obviously because of the grief but they are quite straightforward. Funeral Directors are a bit like party planners. They will offer you a range of options and you choose the ones that you think the deceased would have wanted, within your budget. I've always found them quite straightforward and after my DF passed we actually became friends with the Funeral Director we used.

As a PP suggested, I would tackle getting them to have POA for health and finance in place first. It's fairly straightforward to do, you can apply here and there are details of possible help with court fees here. I can't stress how much more difficult helping them will be if they lose capacity and you don't have these in place will be.

As for wills, that's pretty much up to them. You can offer to arrange to get someone to visit them and go the Wills in their own home if they can't get out. You can ask that they leave clear records of where their money is. Even if they don't there are tracing services. We turned up a savings account for DMIL after she had passed. There wasn't much in it but it was hers.

Out of everything though I think good records and LPAs are the most important at this stage

How would you pay for the funeral or wind up their affairs without a will or LPOA?

In what way is it made difficult? My husband has poa set up by his dm wasn't hard just a visit to a solicitor with them both and myself and my daughter were sent registered letters to inform us we are kind of the witnesses to it .

I think you're worrying too much. Millions of people die without wills or funeral plans - it's very normal and you will get tons of support to plan and deal with these things.

Just enjoy your parents while they're still alive and deal with the other bits later.