Elderly parents won't write wills or funeral plans.

Mid-seventies isn’t elderly!

Yes it is. Average age of death in the UK is 82, so by mid 70's the average person only has 7 years left. It's definitely elderly.

It's really unfair to leave family to deal with everything when it's very easy to make a will and lesson the stress for those you leave behind. I'm very glad my elderly parents have all this sorted, as do I.

This is the most important point. A Will or LPA is not being done for yourself (you'll be dead or have no capacity to care). It's being done for the people that have to pick up the pieces.

@ChompandaGrazia
Keeping your finances completely separate is a really bad idea. If your DH dies, it will be around 6-12months before you can access any of his money. All his accounts will close on death, then it needs to go through Probate before the estates pay out. If you have them in joint names, and he dies, you will continue to access the money in that joint account without restriction.

I know this because I lost my DH last year unexpectedly . Thank God we had some joint accounts (not all of them).

This is very true. It is a lot of work and emotional to sort out belongings and maybe clear a house.

Funeral plan is a luxury not a necessity so for me that is find

a will on the other hand makes things an awful lot easier and straightforward

First off intestancy law vary and it isn’t as straightforward as being married inherits everything either. Plus if they have separate bank accounts access to them would be instant with a will - without it would take the granting of probate which having just done my FIL took 4 months and that was straightforward. All accounts would have to be found and checked to make sure no tax needs to be paid

doing a will takes no more than 2 hours and at their age can be done for free if pick the right time or for very little money. I find anyone who is not prepared to do one incredibly selfish because of the amount of work it leaves those who are left behind

My mum has a similar. There isn't much you can do. I have had casual conversations about favourite music she might like. We even got into a discussion about headstones she liked. So while the inheritance side of it is going to be messy, at least I have some direction on the funeral which I think will be the harder thing to sort out as it will be so soon after death. I'm.a designer so will draw the plan for the headstone myself.

Thinking about it, I should probably do that now rather then when it's needed as that's going to be hard.

Do they attend a church? That makes location of ceramony easier.

I'd also point out to them that if they have any wishes of what goes where that's all they are if there's no will. Wishes often don't happen.

Most likely one will die then their estate will pass to their spouse where it will either be eaten up with care fees or passed to you and your DB upon their death.

There are plenty of threads on MN though where no will has been left and the DParent had wishes for theor estate only for the surviving DP to remarry and the whole estate pass to the new stepparent.

Mine too, in fact the banks proactively asked us if we wanted to release funds for the funeral and signposted us to the forms.

The funeral director also had options to delay payment if needed.

A funeral plan isn't essential (and I say that as someone who used to sell them). You know your mum's wish to be buried and that's what matters. Many local authorities no longer sell burial plots until they are needed because many have been bought and then not used (I know someone who has a plot where he was born and another in the place he has lived for over 50 years).
Funeral expenses are a priority from the estate of the person who has died and the bank can pay the funeral director directly from their account, so family wouldn't be out of pocket or worrying about trying to cover the costs.

@Member984815 many solicitors are now no longer doing POAs as the change of regulations have made it so complicated. My sister is doing them for my parents and is pulling her hair out with frustration at the system. This is the Irish system which is what the previous poster was referring to

Mid-seventies isn’t elderly! Quite harsh to be constantly badgering them about wills and funerals! Why not just ask them about funeral preferences and then just leave them alone. They probably think you are anxious to be rid of them.

Agree with this. I would hate to think of my kids having a nightmare sorting it all out, but don’t know if it’s a generational thing?? Or maybe if they’ve had to do it for their parents they just feel like it’s the circle of life.

I don't understand why you are stressing so much now, they might be alive for 20 years more. If/when they die the funeral director will guide you through that process. You can then either use a solicitor or apply for probate yourself online, then the estate will be distributed according to the rules of intestacy. I think you might need to work on your anxiety if this is your major worry right now.

In my experience banks release the money for the funeral even if financial stuff hasn't been sorted.

Honestly don't get too hung up on wills and pre-paid funeral plans if they aren't keen.

Ask them to write down their wishes for a funeral somewhere safe. Cremation or burial, religious or none religious service, hymns, flowers, readings etc. This is the biggest help.

The costs can be paid from the estate. Banks will release funds for this.

In terms of a will for a married couple with two adult children unless their situation is complex their will would probably be quite similar to what would happen if they die intestate. If the estate is large you might lose some ability to avoid inheritance tax but it isn't the end of the world.

Do try and get them to record what assets they hold and other key info like who their pension is with, what their NI number is etc.

Hopefully they won't die at the same time so you will probably be helping the remaining parent with a funeral anyway so will get an idea from that.

Haven't read it all so sorry if this is repeating stuff. You can go to the gov.uk site and do the LPA. It is easy to do and you could put in all the details and print it off for them to sign, it does need two witnesses and someone who knows them to say they understand it. I did my husbands yesterday took about ten minutes. Once we get it witnessed you pay and get it registered. I think it is eighty something pounds.

As to the funeral I've never had anyone in the family have a plan. Undertakers are very helpful. Usually one visit to give them the details of what you want and they sort it all.

Organising a funeral is not difficult and sorting out financial side and probate with death certificates not too onerous the difficulty is if they need care and things need paying without a POA the banks and other financial institutions even utility companies will not discuss their account or take instruction from you.

Same here so I’m commenting to get advice aswell ❤️

Yes i know but it can take a,while for that to be sorted out ( went through this with my dh estranged father) and in the mean time there is a still a deceased parent whose funeral needs arranging whose going to pay for that?.( untill bank accounts etc are closed)

I'm not sure if the OP means paying for their funeral upfront which is often marketed as a "Funeral Plan" or is talking of planning their Funeral, like you'd plan any event, with what music you'd want etc.

Most of our families but a Funeral Plan as they age as it can be useful to reduce savings, shouts you need care. It also bloody really helps when you die

Oh and my dad didn't have a will or funeral wishes - tbh again if anything it made it easier, though perhaps helped by him not having a pot to piss in.

Have you got your own will and funeral plans in place OP? I would make sure you do this, let your parents know you have done this and they you have done it because you want to make things as easy as possible for your loved ones and minimise suffering. Unlike them!

It's very hard not to read a disinclination to have your affairs in order as a "Fuck you, daughter, I don't care that you will have to do quite a lot of completely avoidable work when I am gone". My dad is like this now and it's making me angry about taking care of him in his last illness, which I am now doing. I don't care about his money but his estate will be a big complex mess and I can foresee having to get out loans to pay mortgages and so on while it is sorted. And no joke it will be months of work. He could easily have sorted this all out. He is presuming on my time - expecting me to pay, literally and figuratively, for his emotional avoidance.

I can't imagine ever not having things straight for my children.

Exactly this. The POA ends on death and using the deceased’s password to access the account and remove money after their death is not allowed. But the bank will settle reasonable funeral costs direct to the funeral director if presented with a death certificate.