Elderly parents won't write wills or funeral plans.

Yes. We have been sorting ours out and have listed some things that would look like nothing but are actually worth a few thousand.

I'm a funeral planner. A funeral plan is a good idea if you have set ideas of what you want - everything from burial or cremation, do you want to be viewed in the chapel of rest, choice of songs/readings etc. Also, the funeral directors fees are a set cost. The price at the time of taking out the plan is the price you pay when you die, even if that's 10/20 years later and the FDs fees have shot up. You can pay an amount towards third party costs (crematorium/burial plot/celebrant etc) but those costs will not be fixed and you will pay the (at time of death price). I've arranged funerals for people who've had plans in place for decades who paid a fraction of the time-of-death price. All plans have to be FCA regulated nowadays so your money is safe if the funeral plan company goes out of business.

As a public service announcement (bearing in mind I'm not a lawyer, but an interested amateur), can I just add that the intestacy laws were drawn up at a time when family structures were very different from now. If you have a conventional nuclear family - wife, husband, all children are of that relationship - then the intestacy law will probably reflect what you would have put in a will, because it's spouse first, then children (essentially).

But if you have a blended family or you and your partner are not married or in a civil partnership, wills are essential to make sure your money goes where you want it to. Under the intestacy law, partners get nothing if you're not married or in a civil partnership (that can be challenged in court in some circumstances, but who wants to have to do that? Incredibly expensive and uncertain.) Anything in joint names should be OK, but not everyone will have that.

Also, if one or both partners have children from earlier relationships, making a will is really important to make sure that your assets go where you want them to. If you don't make a will then your spouse or civil partner will inherit all or most of your assets and can then leave them to whoever s/he wants, which unfortunately may not be your children from your earlier relationship. It could all go to your stepchildren or your partner's family.

Get them to do Powers of Attorney. I was so grateful my parents had done this when my mother had a stroke and lost the power to write and to understand numbers overnight.

If the parents have separate finances its goung to be a nightmare.

Oh Lord, yes!

While writing their will, get them to make a list of anything valuable that should be sold/go to auction, and add instructions to whoever, to just get a house clearance firm in once they’ve taken that/and anything else they might want. Well worth the money!

Most likely one will die before the other (not together) so at some point one of your parents is going to have the burden of arranging the funeral and winding up the affairs of the other. That is when it will hit home how difficult it is when you're grieving. It will be your opportunity to tell the surviving parent that you don't want to have those same issues when they die, and encourage them to get their affairs in order.

If they each want their surviving spouse to inherit everything upon first death, then it may be worth pointing out that under the laws of intestacy, if their estate (property+finances+ assets) is worth more than £322k (in England) then anything over this amount will be split, with half the remainder going to the spouse and half split between any children of the deceased.

I think there is a lot of irresponsibility and selfishness in many older people unfortunately.

Having a will is just a basic courtesy to the remaining partner and adult children to avoid chaos and put even more stress for the people who will have to cope with the bereavement.

It is very easy to do and does not have to be expensive.

I don't think a funeral plan is necessarily needed but again it would make sense to at least share any specific wishes so the family that is left is not overwhelmed.

This thread has reminded me that I need to sort out LPA. And DH and I need to update our wills now that DD is an adult. Thanks OP🌹

Funeral plan? No. I'd prefer direct cremation but DD might want something else for me so I'll trust her. Just hope she does it cheap!

I'd be more concerned about a lack of a Will than a funeral plan. No Will means that more of the money will go in tax to the government than to family, friends or the local cat's home!

You can get a Will done in 'Wills Week' where many solicitors will draw up your Will free of charge, and you just make a donation to charity. I got mine done in return for a £50 donation to a local hospice.

Rather than talk about funeral plans and POA, why not start with the Will first? Once that's done, they may start to think about the rest as a matter of course.

My friend has paid for her funeral and left instructions re hymns etc.

God, my parents are mid 70s and currently travelling round Australia in a camper van! No idea whether they have wills, don't feel it's my place to ask. Unless there's a reason to think otherwise, they could have years left and very unlikely to go at the same time. My Mum would be furious to be described as elderly!

My mum died without anything planned. We had to feel our way through the process and she didn't have much money so we ended up spending quite a bit.

My dad has sorted out his funeral plan and paid for it as he saw how hard it was for us.

DH and I are in our seventies and have made our wills, LPA and paid for direct cremation. A friend died and had a direct cremation and then his widow organized a celebration of his life with photos etc. a few weeks later. My daughters know where details of my money are. I have a file with a summary in front and all the certificates behind.

They don’t need a funeral plan. The funeral isn’t for the person who has passed, it’s for those grieving.

But the will part is just silly. I would keep pushing on that one.

Isn't that the truth.

Just to add to my post above, the long- term illness scenario is what they and you should be worried about rather than the funeral.

I wouldn't worry, its unlikely they will die together and the stress of sorting out one of the estates will kick the other one into gear.

When it happens, be supportive but very much not actively helping- lots of noises about how you agree it sounds like a nightmare. At some point the penny will drop and then you can help.

At this point in time it is much more important to find out if they have POA for each other. If your father has a debilitating illness that results in him losing capacity, and your mother does not have POA, she will have no access to his accounts and will have limited ability to make welfare decisions for him. She will have to go through a lengthy (many months) and expensive (many thousands) process to gain legal guardianship in order to make those financial and welfare decisions.
Alternatively you should get POA for them both, but it sounds like they are resistant to talking about that.

Far harder to sort out loads of household 'stuff' than a funeral, now that is a task.

Banks will pay for funeral expenses before probate is even applied for. Just take the invoice to the bank.

My family always have wills and in part it's to ensure that they get the send off they want. My DGM paid for her funeral in advance and stipulated that she only wanted a few flowers. The rest of the family wanted loads but no as executors we stuck to her wishes. My DF wanted to be scattered so even though I'd rather have somewhere to visit, once again I stuck to his wishes. Would this encourage them?

Exactly but it isn't a bad idea for everyone and can be a sensible choice for some eg if my husband was a gambling addict I would definitely want my money to be separate.

Why don’t you say to them about how worried you are about it, because you know already that you are going to be devastated and you would really appreciate knowing what their wishes would be and it would be easier for you to deal with if it’s all written down formally. Otherwise they have to know in advance that you will be making those decisions for them.

Both of us are financially independent. If either of us dropped dead tomorrow we wouldn’t need each others money for a good year or so.