He has me in tears

Get rid.
Can't believe you gave him your fund. Hope it wasn't loads . You've lost that , now lose him .

Op, you're in an abusive relationship. Please talk to Women's Aid or local domestic abuse services about how to get out.

A litre of Bailey's 😳🤢
I hope he was sick as a dog.
This man is an abusive bastard with issues.
You don't have to live like this.
🍀

Why on earth are you putting up with this? If you won’t leave for yourself, you need to do so for your child’s sake.

And just because you don’t have friends now, it doesn’t mean this will always be the case. Once you’re free and happy your energy will be different. You will attract friends into your life. Right now your energy is low and you are struggling to even be a friend to yourself. Let this be the first step! You’re stronger than you think. He sounds vile.

Good grief. He actually despises you.

Do you think that if you’re nice to him he will suddenly realise how valuable you are to him? Because he was nice to you when he was trying to get with you?

When he is confronted with you kicking him out he will work very hard to get you back on side. Be ready for it. Accept you’ve lost that money.

He will probably find another woman and slag you off to her. Nothing you can do about that. Have some strength and dignity. Don’t take on another one until and unless you’re confident you know how to set boundaries.

All the best.

If you can’t do it for yourself, do it for your child. If your life is miserable, how much more miserable is it for your child. That rainy day fund, what could that have done for your child. It’s difficult and will take time, but the first thing is to get him to leave as quickly and quietly as possible. Once you have a safe space and stop walking on eggshells you will see things more clearly and start to heal. There are better times ahead, help is available, but you need to be brave and take that first step.

Sounds like a terrible situation in which to bring up a child. Get out. His behaviour is abhorrent! Your little one is learning that this is ok behaviour. Run!

Which region OP? I’ll be your friend! I completely know the trapped feeling. You deserve better.

Get rid of this parasite, if not for you then for your child.
I see the ‘Freedom programme’ mentioned a lot on here- google it. Contact women’s aid, get some advice.
It won’t get better and he will likely get physical at some point.

@zebraprintxmasdinner come on OP this is no good for you . Also your proof kid thinking this is how mum is treated. .

You have gave him your cash.
So next step tell him he is leaving. You aren’t trapped you are choosing this life !
Either pack his bags while he is at work and leave at the gate . Send a clear message if he comes near the house you will call the police. .He is an abusive man. .
He drinks abuses you and then you hand him your cash . Hasn’t he got it sorted. .

Please find the strength to put this man out for good .

Spitting on someone is pure contempt.
I wouldn't be surprised if violence will be on the card's soon,punch a door,wall then he will cross that line and it will be you.

Please don't put up with this, the next person he spits at could be your child.

Advertise for a paying lodger.
Move the abusive one out.

Spitting on someone is absolutely disgusting. It shows complete contempt for the person. Think about it, would you do that to someone you liked, let alone loved? He does it to you because he doesn’t love you, he doesn’t even like you.

His “nice” behaviour can’t make up for the shit he puts you and your child through. He’s probably not even nice at those times, just not completely vile. It’s crumbs to keep you onside and him under your roof (that I bet you are paying everything for.)

This has gone on for so long you’re blind to how appalling it is. That happens because shit like him gradually increase the abuse over time. Get some support in real life- people you can trust and Women’s Aid. Whatever it takes to permanently get him away from you and your child

The ''nostalgia'' is meaningless.

If he was once ''nice'' to you, it was probably to try to reel you in.

Now he has you reeled in, he can start devaluing you.

Your child deserves far, far better.

{As do you!}

Exactly, Weary.

He's a tapeworm, a parasite. Poor quality men like this are two a penny - and yet women tolerate their shite.

Wake up and smell the coffee, @zebraprintxmasdinner , you definitely need to be rid of this abuser for your child's sake if not yours.

A life ''Alone'' is a sea of tranquillity compared to living like this.

Everyone will tell you to throw him out

I am asking the question why are you putting a child through this.
What will it take for you to have had enough of living like this.

Wait until he is at work. Then dump his stuff on the street and have all the locks changed. Send him a text clearly explaining that it is over and he needs to find somewhere else to live with immediate effect. Get a male friend or relative to stay for a week or 2 if you think he may kick off.

YOUR house...Hopefully you aren't married so he has no claim on it?

A litre of Baileys - the man's an alcoholic, get this awful parasite out of your life NOW.

Why are you tolerating this?

You are very lucky that the house is yours- get him out.

Why on earth do you want him to stay?

no date nights no little prezzies not even a nice text msg of a morning

You live with a violent, abusive alcoholic - these are the least of your concerns.

OP there is a diagram call the power and control wheel that is a useful tool for seeing behaviour for what it is rather as a result of anything you are doing. https://www.thehotline.org/identify-abuse/power-and-control/

There is also a wheel call Trust and Respect Wheel that shows you how a healthy releationship should look https://saferfutures.org.uk/wp-content/uploads/2019/03/Equality-Wheel.pdf

If you decide to leave, please understand that it can taken on average 7 attempts to do so successfully. As you have a child, I would advise that you seek help from a professional organisation.

Consider your rainy day fund a price worth paying to get rid of this piece of shit.

Get him the fuck out.

Then think. Think about cause and effect. He knows that if he kicks off enough you will eventually bail him out, thats why he does it. You try to hold out, but he keeps going as he knows that eventually you will give in.

You know the knackered mum in Tesco who's kid wants the toy and she says no? So he keeps kicking off, she keeps saying no. Then finally, after aisles of it, they are in the queue and he knows that this his last chance so he ramps it up to the point where she will do literally anything to shut him up. So she gives him the toy. He knows that all he needs to do is keep going long enough as she will give in. That is your "D" (not) P. You have taught him that his appalling treatment of you will be rewarded.

Thats why you need him out of your home. If you try to cut off his supply whilst he is in your house, he will keep going (google extinction burst) and will almost certainly physcially abuse you and possibly your child.

Oh sweetheart. You don't deserve this.

Please at least think about leaving. You might find it helpful to speak to Women's Aid about that. They're really good - they know all the options.

It has to be your decision to leave, not anyone here. But I promise you life is so much better without someone getting at you all the time.