He has me in tears

I read as far as 'spat at me' and thought
Run!
Then I read that it's your house.
Kick him out.
He has contempt for you. The relationship is over.

The nostalgia thing is a form of anxiety caused by living with a really nasty abuser. It'll go when you leave him. You won't believe the relief and the way life improves.

Abusers don't love their targets, they're just victims for them. Your child will be in the firing line soon OP if you don't leave. Neither of you deserve this. It's very hard to leave, I get that, but it needs to be done else you and your child will have a darker and darker future.

OP, you are modelling to your child what a relationship is. 'This' is their normal.
Why is this ok with you?
Your child deserves more and they need you to provide it.

This is abuse. He drinks and it turns an already nasty man, into an aggressive one. For your child's sake (and your own), you need to tell him to leave. If the house is in your name, and you're not married, then I don't see how legally he can claim any part of your home. Where he goes isn't your issue. Your priority is to create a happy, secure and stable home life for your child. At the moment your child doesn't have that, and even if you think your child has no idea how your partner treats you, I bet (assuming they're old enough), they do. Please contact a domestic abuse charity, like Woman's Aid for help. Nothing you do or don't do is going to appease this man. Giving him money was a huge mistake. He's a bully, who deliberately wants to hurt you emotionally, because it gives him a sense of power over you. You can't change him.

'Just one kid.' You can do what you want, but you have a duty of care to your DC. They have no choice. You must leave for their sake.

Pack his bags, now. Change the locks.
Make the decision, this miserable life ends today. He is making you miserable, he goes.

You will undoubtably be infinitely happier without him, it will feel weird and lonely
to begin with, but that is temporary.
Freedom awaits!!

I just don’t understand how you can allow a man in your home to behave in that way when you have a child living there.
Do you ever take a moment to stop and think for one moment what you are doing to your child bringing them up in such an abusive setting, what that child hears, what that child sees.
Even if you have no self respect left for yourself, for goodness sake think of your child and get rid of your partner immediately.
I really wonder at the mentality of the human race when they start to believe that living this is acceptable.

Every time he is emotionally or physically abusive to you - your DC are experiencing abuse. Time to get him out & find some peace.

If he's threatening to move out then let him follow through with his threat.

Abusive piece of shit

Practise being assertive, keep a journal of what he says and does to fortify you when you make the only sensible decision, then change the locks, bag up his stuff in bin bags and don't let him back in.

I’m so sorry you are going through this. He has beaten you down and you need to summon up some self respect from deep down and act.
Get him out. Make sure you have an exit strategy when you do this. Involve the police if necessary. Read ‘ women who love too much’ by Robin Norwood. Once he’s gone get some counselling.

No no no. He needs to leave. This is no life for you, or your child.

Threatens to move out!?

Change the locks and make the decision for him, sounds like an absolute tw4t

So let him?

You have a child watching you. Think of your kid and tell him to fuck off.

Let him.

Just let him.

What did you learn about relationships when you were growing up?. Did you see similar behaviour at home from your dad towards your mum?.

What do you want to teach your child about relationships and what are they learning here?.

How can you be helped here into getting rid of your abuser once and for all?.

You have a choice re this man, your child does not. Make better choices for your sake as well as your child's. This young person cannot afford to grow up seeing you as their mother (and in turn he/she) being abused.

Pack his bags and change the locks next time he goes out and call the police.

Kick him out. Involve the police if needs must.

He has nowhere to go- HIS problem.
He gets arrested for the abuse- HIS problem.

Come on @zebraprintxmasdinner . You wouldn't accept this behaviour from someone who approached you in the street and treated you in this way. Why accept it from someone who is supposed to be your life partner?

This
He will never change
You said you sent him your rainy day fund hoping to get some peace you will never get any peace whilst he is still in your life

Hey OP, I think you know he needs to go but the question is how you can safely make that happen. Pls ring the Police on the non emergency number and tell them everything. Ask them for support to remove him from your home & get an order barring him from returning. Is he the father of your child?

Do not think his behaviour for 1 second is not affecting your little one.

Everything probably seems a lot for you to cope with right now but just think of the peace you will have when you no longer have this vile man in your life.

You and your little one deserve so much more. You say you no longer have any friends but I think if you reached out & told them about him your friends would turn up for you. I don’t know you OP but I am here cheering you on to remove this excuse of a man. You can do this, it’s time to bring out Mama Bear!!!!

Why are you letting this man ruin your life. You are worth more than this. Tell him to go.

Goldengirl123 the OP has one child

You’re the one in a strong position OP not him. It’s your house. Get advice from a domestic abuse service and work out the best way to chuck him out.

Also true. If you can’t find the self worth to protect yourself you absolutely can find the Mumma Bear required to protect your child and keep them safe.

You are in an abusive, controlling relationship where he is coercively controlling you - which is against the law incase you weren’t sure.

You have control over your housing - fantastic. Now we have to find a way to get you away from him.