He has me in tears

Do you want your dc to think this is normal? To think this is how they should treat a partner, when they're older? Or how they should allow themselves to be treated? Put his stuff on the front lawn today and change the locks.

One day you'll be nostalgic for those lovely peaceful, stress-free days after you threw this waste of blood and organs out. Better days are ahead.

I have NC.
The only person I ever spat on was the disgusting fucking wanker who SA my child. I was not a planned action, I lost my shit when I found him.
I was more angry than I ever thought possible. Never felt rage like it since.

It's a vile thing to do, I can't imagine doing that ever again but certainly not to somebody I'm in a relationship with and share a child with.

Remove him from your house as soon as possible (and you feel safe to do so)
You can report him for assault. The police may assist in removing him.
Stay safe

You deserve so much better than this.
It's really hard but you can have a much nicer life than this.

Anyone that spat at me would not be in my life anymore!! That's disgusting and hugely disrespectful. Get rid of him.

This.
As a 22 year old I was full of sass.
Fast forward four and a half years and I was a shadow of my former self. A hermit with a huge lack of self esteem and worth

Absolutely agree. Anyone can end up in this situation. It's very easy for someone as close as a partner to manipulate you if they want to.

Why is she putting up with it? BECAUSE SHE IS BEING CONTROLLED.
I really thought we'd come a long way since the 'why did she stay?' days.
Sadly I was wrong. I'm shocked amd disgusted by the victim blaming on this thread.

Hard agree. She’s in a better position than most. Even if she has to change the locks and throw his stuff out of a window while he’s out. That’s a positive first step. I’ve had the depressing feeling from the start of this thread that OPis here to vent and nothing more.

You need to get onto your bank ASAP and cancel the transfer, tell them you got the details wrong. You need that money to leave him.

She is also an innocent victim. And you are blaming her. Victims of abuse will not be more likely to leave when those they turn to for help attack them.

Inner strength is hard to find when you're being abused. I should know. I've lived it. If I'd been criticised for staying so long with my ex, during the time I was thinking about leaving, I might not have had the courage to go.

OP it is not your fault you are being abused. I hope you aren't put off asking for help. Advice is available if you want it. Please keep talking.

Dont argue with him when he threatens this. In fact call the police to report the abusive piece of shit. Report his abuse. Get ring cameras.

You can think what you like but I’m entitled to an opinion as much as anyone else. The OP has already stated it’s her house, unless she musters up some Inner strength to actually do something she will be back on here again next week saying exactly the same thing, you see it on here week in week out. She needs to be pro active or nothing changes, her child is an innocent victim here, living in that household, she needs to fight like a lion to protect them.

It is not her fault that her child is around this abuse. It's her partner's fault.

Hmm, it kind of is. OP's the one putting up with this and letting her child(ren) live in this abusive relationship.

OP wrote after cataliguing how vile this man is no date nights no little prezzies not even a nice text msg of a morning . It's not as if any of those will make things better

And this

My house but he constantly threatens to move out cos he knows he gets his own way. I’m a gullible mess.

"Threatens to move out?" - he'd be no loss if he did.

It's all very well criticising Hazylazydays for being judgemental and say "be kind" but OP needs to take a long hard look at herself.

He sounds absolutely repulsive. Please get him out of your and your child’s life. Things will be so much better for you when he is gone. No one should be treated like that.

How dare you be so judgemental to a woman who is already being abused. It is not her fault that her child is around this abuse. It's her partner's fault.

People with views and opinions like yours make it harder for victims to leave. You're abusing her too. Disgusting behaviour. She's reaching out because she's suffering and you're kicking her while she's down. You should be ashamed.

Not married? So throw him out, why are you tolerating this drunken wanker and making your child tolerate it too? Please improve your life, be brave, get rid of this idiot. Dreadful example he is to your child and he’s ruining your life.

OK, missed the number of children but the sentiment/ message is the same.

Right to stay, I meant

I'm sorry you're being treated with such contempt
He has eroded your self worth and confidence so much you can't see a different one
Shared history is not a reason to stay with him. This is who he is, and he won't change. He had no respect or care for you and your DC
He is a leech sucking the life out of you.
I'm glad it's your house, as he has no right to leave
Next time he starts, look in your child's eyes and silently promise them a happy safe childhood and start with telling him it's over Don't get drawn into arguments. He's a waste of your time and energy
Ask a family member to be with you or just wait for him to go out and text him his stuff is outside and the relationship is over.
Any threats then you call the police
Please contact womens aid to put together a plan to build a better life for you and DC
Ultimately he can take you to court for access if he won't make a plan to see DC
The first step is the hardest I know, but you and DC will thrive.

Harsh much? Judgemental much?

The OP needs support that’s why she and others post.

Sometimes people can’t see the wood for the trees when they are in the thick of it.

I think she knows she needs to boot him out but remember she has been beaten down emotionally and can do with a hand hold from this supportive community before she takes the next step.

A bit of kindness can go a long way.

No way is he ever going to leave

He would miss his verbal punching bag too much.

One thing you need to understand is that if you do manage to get him out of the house, he will come back with apologies, showering you with date nights, little prezzies, nice text msg of a morning

All the things he knows you want

However it won’t last, it will be just to win you back

Then it will start again and it will be harder to get him to leave a 2nd time because he knows what not having you there feels like

So, let him move out then change the locks.

He is not your partner he is your enemy.
He doesn’t have a temper, he hates you and probably hates himself even more. It’s not your job to try and help and improve him, you can’t.
Get rid of him, this will never improve. Your life can only be better without him. But maybe even more importantly, your child’s life will be better. This is an awful situation for a child to witness and a likely recipe for them developing mental illness as they grow up.
Ring Women’s Aid https://www.google.co.uk/search?q=womens+aid&ie=UTF-8&oe=UTF-8&hl=en-gb&client=safari&safe=active# if you are in the U.K. Or call the police. You really must get out of his reach. He might threaten to go but I suspect he might not when he realises that is what you want, and you might need help from the Police.

The single parent friends I know are so happy they don’t have to deal with not just the crap from ex partners and ex husbands any more
They also don’t have to deal with the little compromises being in a good relationship brings with it

As one of my friends explained that being a single parent is hard because you are the only one who is in charge and you have to make all the decisions.
But being a single parent is the best because you are the only one who is in charge and you make all the decisions

My friend said this after a brilliant day out with her dc
She drove home when they were ready to go She got dc MacDonalds from the drive thru as their dinner which they ate in the car,
After dc went to bed and not feeling like cooking she made a coffee and ate 2 cream eggs for her dinner whilst watching whatever she wanted on the tv

None of these things would have been possible if she had her exh with her even when the relationship was good