To tell woman about her partner's kinks?

I would want to know if I was her. He could pass a disease onto her which could be very risky for the baby. Many STIs don’t cause symptoms so she would be none the wiser. Even if he is practising safe sex, condoms don’t offer 100% protection when it comes to STI.

Depending on how far along she is, it would also give her the choice to end the pregnancy if she decides she doesn’t want to bring up a baby with a swinger.

@PhyllisWallet legislation has nothing to do with it. The baby and woman are at risk from his behaviour- we have every reason to think he’s not careful about safe sex as she got pregnant. She thinks they are in an exclusive relationship so doesn’t think she needs to be careful.

Her health and the baby’s are at risk. That’s not ok.

Definitely tell her.

You really do have quite the story book going on in your head don't you?

In my experience many people don’t want to do this due to some altruistic personality type. They want to do it for a reason much more malicious. And jealousy is often one of them. Doesn’t mean it’s not the right thing to do. But questioning the ops motives is valid.

and he will simply lie and deny it or say that’s over. I’d not be surprised if the op sleeps with him.

Stay out of it. She is not your friend so don't see why you would be getting involved.
I have no idea what a 'situationship' is but I am guessing they are not really commited to each other anyway and there is a good chance she knows about his sexual activity in terms of swinging or that they are in an open relationship so would already have an awareness that he has had sex with others.

1 They aren't in an exclusive relationship
2 The OP has no reason to think he isn't practising safe sex
3 a safeguarding issue??! Bollocks!

Wow! The pot is already well and truly stirred. I would definitely want to know if my 'partner' was shagging randoms, especially when I was carrying their child ffs. What on earth has anyone's attractiveness got to do with it for crying out loud? Is that how you make your decisions? Scary

We would ALL want to know.

No we wouldn’t. I wouldn’t.

As there is a baby involved, she does deserve to know. I think I’d keep urging him to tell her because he could be putting the baby at risk. If he really wont then, I would tell her I think but not anonymously as she may not believe it. Horrible situation

See this is the sort of watering down that has everyone thinking they have a right to know everything about everything else.

Find me one piece of legislation where this situation would be considered a safeguarding issue.

Safeguarding is everyone’s business and responsibility.

What’s the real story here op, this isn’t you e come over all altruistic. Are you jealous?

Whataboutery. But you're not involved, so?

But there’s a baby involved which changes the situation a lot

So contact her as you, not as anonymous

Don’t send an anonymous message. He’ll easily be able to persuade his girlfriend that a troll sent this. That happened to the woman I posted about above. It was another three years before more OW contacted her and she realised the troll had not been a troll and her ‘DP’ was a serial cheat.

I think the selfish thing to do is keep out of it, mind your own business, avoid getting blamed for causing drama..

The right thing to do is recognise it's his fault and nobody else's. You have information that can help this woman when making decisions for the family she's starting. You can protect her and her child from being blindsided, you can make her aware about StI risks, and warn her before she gets financially involved.

Yes, she will not be happy to receive such news, may not believe you at first. However, I think the fact she's a distant acquaintance makes it easier, not more difficult to tell.

Reading the thread has been an eye opener as to why so many men get away with all sorts. Women are preconditioned to keep quiet, aren't they. Men wouldn't - they'd be name calling the woman in public with no consideration for 'stirring the pot'.

Send her an anonymous message “Congratulations on your pregnancy, I strongly suggest that you get as STD test” you’ve done your bit, then the balls in her court and she can confront her partner herself.

I would tell her. Especially if you've already urged him to be honest and he hasnt. Has he said why he won't tell her?
But be prepared to lose the friendship.

If I was in that situation, I would 100% want to know and I'd be even more humiliated if other people knew and hadn't told me. Poor woman and poor child!
Unless the guy plans to change or something.

Absolutely do it. I know someone who spent ten years with her apparently loyal and devoted partner only to be utterly broken when she found out he was a serial and obsessive cheat.

If I ever found out who he was dating now I absolutely would tell her.

I ended up almost broken in a job due to my terrible boss. The people who knew what she was like never told me whilst I still had a chance to turn the job down. When I later asked them why they had not told me they just said ‘How could we?’ By opening your effing mouths!

‘Keep your nose out people’ are cowards who let others walk into trauma.

Tell her.

I'm finding it hard to believe that the lady in question isn't aware of her partner's extra-curricular activities and hasn't had an STI.

I was engaged to a guy who was sleeping with 3 other women. He got away with it because he was a shift worker, and we didn't live together.

I got suspicious when I kept getting repeated attacks of thrush. Looking back, I was glad it wasn't anything more serious.

She has. He won’t. So now what?

It's too late; she's pregnant.

For all you know, he might have turned over a new leaf.

Either way, it's not your life, and you don't know her. Stay out of it.

Well then talk to him about it? Encourage him to tell his situationship, as you would any friend.

Then if you can’t tolerate his choices, don’t be friends.