To tell woman about her partner's kinks?

And tbh if he is actively swinging, the pregnant lady doesn't know..that could have serious health implications. She can't make an educated judgement surrounding the safety of the unborn baby. She can't even know to use condoms..

So he's still having sex with others and you believe she doesn't know? Your OP wasn't clear as it sounded like it may have been in the past.

It's trickier as you only know her vaguely. However she is pregnant so I am leaning towards 'tell her'. Not anonymously. Ask to meet or call, tell her what you know. Make clear you're not interested in stirring and it won't go any further but you care about her and the baby's health. I would be honest with your friend too.

Don't send an anonymous note. Coward's way out and easily denied.

So you'd rather keep shaggy!ing a man who may have stds to pass onto unborn baby?

You wouldn't want to know your unborn child is being put at risk of an STD? REALLY?

For the love of God, why do women always get painted as jealous, as if we're shallow, one dementinal creatures that only ever have one possible motivation for anything? It's pathetic and misogynistic. Some of us actually care about others, especially unborn children being put at risk of an STD.

If you were the woman in question wouldn't you want to know?

You are very defensive about the man's behaviour.

It sounds like she's abroad (?)

I'd tell her via whatever means.

It could be anonymously but he'll guess it's you.

When she challenges him, he'll say it's you and you're lying and it's because you're jealous, hung up on him, spiteful, have mental health issues etc.

(You see it's ironic how much cheating mens lines and bitchy, misogynist womens lines, as illustrated on here, overlap).

She may believe him but you'll have done what you could.

Your friendship with him will probably be over but it should be anyway, because he's not a decent person. Focus on making some better friends to replace him.

He'll know it's her - don't be sneaky just be straight and tell him you're going to tell and then do it

@frogmella123 tell her but do it anonymously if you can, I.e: anonymous note through her letterbox if they aren't living together. You're right, she has a right to know, and not to spend years living a lie and then have to radically change and rebuild her life when she finds out

Why doesn't he need to tell her?

Maybe say something like "how will she feel if she finds out?"

You think the op didn't say that when she urged him to tell her?

Why does he need to tell her?

Projection.

And if anyone thinks that he isn't touching his partner until he's had a full std check and gotten the results after every single swinging incident (not that the tests could be certain for inactive infections of some stds) ....they're on cloud cuckoo land.

https://www.stdcheck.com/blog/stds-that-can-affect-unborn-babies-pregnancy/

A brief summary of the delightful possible effects on babies of stds during pregnancy and birth.

Note how many stds are listed as "often symptomless".

But by all means ....keep saying you wouldn't want to know that your partner, with whom you're clearly having unprotected sex, is a swinger.

By all means keep slagging off a woman who feels shit not telling another woman who's pregnant, that her partner is a swinger (having asked him to tell her and been told no).

MN is absolutely bizarre sometimes.

If I was that poor woman I would want to know.

He is being dishonest, is cheating on her as well as putting her at risk of STIs.

I would tell her and then dump this man as a friend.

I am surprised that so many women here are telling you to turn a blind eye.

They aren't in an exclusive relationship

I thought, from op's posts, that he's let her believe they are in an exclusive relationship.

I think you should tell him to be honest with her, and possibly threaten him that if he doesn't tell her, then you will

Threaten him? That's not your place.

You can talk to him and suggest he tell her, but seriously this is not your business. Maybe say something like "how will she feel if she finds out?"

Good luck with your std goals (and you better hope you don't end up with fetal abnormalities due to them).

(STDs and fetuses don't get along terribly well together, since apparently you don't know).

but not his wife?

I didn't catch that he was married to this woman he's impregnated (?)

Op I'd sack him off (you're not compatible for friendship, given your relative morals) and tell her.

"X is a swinger, I felt strongly you should know. I encouraged him to tell you but he wouldn't; so that's why I'm telling you".

Have you not noticed that he has taken you into his confidence, but not his wife? That's called triangulation. Its something abusive people do. You don't actually know if he's telling you the truth about anything.
It sounds like he uses you for supply.

Some people have empathy and compassion. Some people have a sense of right and wrong.

Some people find it extremely uncomfortable to know someone is doing wrong to another person and let it happen. They feel guilty about it.

That's difficult to understand for certain people.

If he's an active swinger then he'll be getting checked for STIs regularly (I'd hope!)

You can't check for all STDs or for "inactive" ones.

And he may have sex with her after sex with others, but before the checks. Especially if he's doing it regularly.