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AIBU?

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Original poster

To stop ex seeing DC toddler

31 replies

queenbbn · 08/02/2025 21:48

I left my ex partner and father of my child several months ago due to constant arguments, his lazy parenting, drug abuse, verbal abuse and just his general nastiness towards me.

He pays me between £100 - £150 a week but I am the sole carer of our DC.

He will come over at the weekends for 4/5 hours and then go socialising with his siblings/friends etc.

All he does is play with DC and then fall asleep on my sofa until I tell him it's time to go home as I don't want him staying in my house.

No real parenting.
He has never cooked DC a meal.
Never washed DC clothes.
It has probably been a year since he bathed DC and put him to bed.

He is a pretty useless father.

He is also a marijuana user and crashed his car several years ago whilst drinking driving.

I do not feel comfortable and will not allow him to take DC to his flat due to the above reasons and because of his he refuses to help me parent our son like for example come over and do some chores whilst I sleep/shower etc.

So he came over today and said some really hurtful things to me again for no reason and unprovoked.
I have told him he can't see DC anymore as I don't benefit from his visits and he will have to take me to court.

He made some threats towards me and I have now ordered a Ringdoor camera and CCTV because he is always making threats and I have had enough.

I feel bad for my son who loves his dad but I think it's best that I stop him visiting due to his threatening behaviour and honestly I don't think DC is missing out on much.

AIBU?

I am also considering getting a restraining order on him as I am sick of his abuse.

OP posts:
Eenameenadeeka · 08/02/2025 23:39

I think supervised visits benefit your child if he is kind in his interactions with your child and if he isn't exposed to the drug use etc and as you said your son loves his Dad, it's about what is best for your son and for him to feel loved by his Dad. It must be incredibly annoying that he doesn't actually help you, and hard doing all the work yourself but I'd say that supervised visits (is there someone else who can supervise so that you don't have to deal with him?) benefit your son. I know of a few absolutely amazing single mothers who do absolutely all of the parenting and still allow the Dads contact because it benefits their children, and they are amazing women. One day their children will realize how much their mums did for them.

Original poster
queenbbn · 08/02/2025 23:08

It's like all week he works and at weekends our DC only gets a few hours of his time and then he goes out with his friends/siblings.

I have suggested that he could book a hotel close by and come round in the morning and take DC child but he doesn't get here until 3/4pm and is gone by 7pm.
I feel he should put DC first as he doesn't see him much.
There is no real schedule to his visits and at the moment DC isn't sleeping and I am exhausted.

A contact centre sounds like a good idea, do I just contact them directly?

I really don't want him coming into my house anymore, he is too aggressive.
Last week I was feeding DC and couldn't leave him in the high chair and asked ex to post key back through the letterbox as he leaves it in the door!

I only realised the next day at lunchtime when I was taking DC out, he just can't be trusted with DC alone.
In the past he has left the oven on, front door open etc.

OP posts:
Catontoof · 08/02/2025 22:57

Child comes first we don't get to play god. Your child has a right to know his father but also has a right to be safe. It's not dad's job to do your chores but it is his job to spend quality time with him. You could look at a contact centre if no one in family friends to supervise

Original poster
queenbbn · 08/02/2025 22:14

His reasoning will be "I will come and help" but he doesn't do anything but play a few games and fall asleep.

I have worked hard to get my son eating healthily and into good eating habits and he will come along with junk food from Greggs and try and feed him pies and pizzas etc, he just doesn't have a clue on parenting.

I would be terrified of leaving DC alone with him as he has no idea what to do, he constantly asks me "how do you do this"? I just of told him a million times.

His family have had kids took of them in the past and adopted so I am very worried any any of his family being alone with DC to be honest.
I found out all this afterwards.

OP posts:
JLou08 · 08/02/2025 22:04

I think you need to be careful about your wording
"I have told him he can't see DC anymore as I don't benefit from his visits and he will have to take me to court".
You also say your DC loves his dad. It's not about helping you, it's about your DC having a relationship with his father. Using phrases like the above could go against you if it does get to court. If your child does stop seeing him and he is told that it was because you didn't benefit from it that could cause a lot of problems.
However, if he is abusive and a risk to your child then yes, stop contact and go through the courts for a restraining order and decision on contact.

Wish44 · 08/02/2025 21:59

Is there a family member who could supervise visits?