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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think working is impossible as a single parent

120 replies

Okwhatn0w · 08/02/2025 20:42

Currently a stay at home single mother have been for the past 6 years, dc is 8 years old.
I worked 40 hours a week before becoming a lone parent and earned nearly half the amount I currently get on UC, I know if I return to work that i will be much worse off but not having anything else bar my dc to keep me entertained is quite literally driving me insane.

Any advice? I wouldn’t even know where to start.

OP posts:
CandiedPrincess · 08/02/2025 21:04

No, not impossible if you find the right job. I could do my job as a single parent. As it is I work full-time and do all school runs etc because DH can't but my employer is flexible and they let me organise my own work to suit.

Original poster
Okwhatn0w · 08/02/2025 21:02

TobiasForgesContactLense · 08/02/2025 20:56

I think it depends on what your job was before. A relative of mine with 3 SEN kids (all aged under 6 at the time of the marriage breakdown) was working a minimum wage 6am-2pm job which was fine when married as the other parent didn't work but it was completely unsustainable when they were left full time with the kids as the other parent was only allowed supervised contact. I suspect they will find it difficult to work ever again.

I also think people underestimate how difficult it is to get out of the benefits trap. Although with 1 school age NT child it should be a little easier as lower childcare costs.

It would be completely different if you had been a high earner in an established career at the point of becoming a single parent.

I worked in a SEN school before becoming a single parent which was fulfilling but again minimum wage. I am currently a carer for a relative which also impacts what I can do within the school hours.

I also have no additional support when it comes to child care.
I second the benefit trap statement.

OP posts:
mumof1x99 · 08/02/2025 20:59

@therattlebag23 thank you 🥰 will be studying and getting my qualifications over the next few years so hopefully it'll be easier to go back into work when he's a bit older. Just impossible atm unfortunately!

therattlebag23 · 08/02/2025 20:58

@therattlebag23 Ah ok, that makes sense. Good luck to you and your son.

mumof1x99 · 08/02/2025 20:57

@therattlebag23

1762 per month UC

81.90 per week carer allowance
184 per week high rate care and high rate mobility DLA (obviously this is spent on my sons needs)
25.60 per week child benefit

Benefit cap is lifted when child is disabled

TobiasForgesContactLense · 08/02/2025 20:56

I think it depends on what your job was before. A relative of mine with 3 SEN kids (all aged under 6 at the time of the marriage breakdown) was working a minimum wage 6am-2pm job which was fine when married as the other parent didn't work but it was completely unsustainable when they were left full time with the kids as the other parent was only allowed supervised contact. I suspect they will find it difficult to work ever again.

I also think people underestimate how difficult it is to get out of the benefits trap. Although with 1 school age NT child it should be a little easier as lower childcare costs.

It would be completely different if you had been a high earner in an established career at the point of becoming a single parent.

excelledyourself · 08/02/2025 20:55

Surely if your working income was so much lower than the UC you currently receive, then you'd still be eligible for some UC to top it up?

ilovesooty · 08/02/2025 20:54

Surely you're expected to be looking for work if your child is in school?

therattlebag23 · 08/02/2025 20:54

mumof1x99 · 08/02/2025 20:50

I feel you. I get 36k a year combined in benefits (all of them added together) I'm a single mom to a 4 year old son and with his needs I have no intention of working until he's in secondary school and is more independent

That's well over the benefit cap so it seems unlikely?

mumof1x99 · 08/02/2025 20:50

I feel you. I get 36k a year combined in benefits (all of them added together) I'm a single mom to a 4 year old son and with his needs I have no intention of working until he's in secondary school and is more independent

Collette78 · 08/02/2025 20:48

I’m a single parent with two DC aged 7 and 15 and I work 40 hours a week in a four day condensed / flexible working pattern.

it’s absolutely possible depending on what industry you want to work in / experience / qualifications.

You also need to be able to be direct and negotiate a working pattern that works for you.

Emptyflames · 08/02/2025 20:48

Hang on, you're saying you worked 40 hours a week and earned less than half what you currently get on UC?

I thought anyone with a child of a certain age had to find work?

Youngest child aged between 3 and 12 years of age
you will be expected to work a maximum of 30 hours a week (or spend 30 hours a week looking for work)
the type of work you look for and the amount of time spent looking for work can fit around your child's normal school hours, including the time it takes to take your child to and from school

TidyDancer · 08/02/2025 20:47

Of course it's not impossible and lots on here have been there.

Your DC is not a tiny tot and is presumably at school. So you'll need to get either a part time job or look at wraparound care.

I hope you didn't start this thread with the intention of watching people's quite understandable prickly responses. 🤔

Sportacus17 · 08/02/2025 20:47

£1673 is the net monthly salary based national living wage (not London) and working full time. Is UC more than that?!

Hankunamatata · 08/02/2025 20:46

Study, get qualification, get better paying job so its worth working?

Ddakji · 08/02/2025 20:45

What are your qualifications? What skills do you have? What was your previous job?

Plenty of lone parents work, so it’s just a question of working out how to make work work for you.

mowmiaow · 08/02/2025 20:45

Is this post for real? If you're on UC and not searching for work then they will sanction you. You'll also be better off if you work. If you're actually claiming UC then you would know this? Why are you not looking for work? What have UC said about it?

Crazycatlady79 · 08/02/2025 20:44

This'll go well...

Michael Jackson Reaction GIF
PlumFairies · 08/02/2025 20:43

Of course it’s not impossible there’s probably hundreds of thousands of single parents working full time in the UK

Sportacus17 · 08/02/2025 20:43

Volunteering ?