To think working is impossible as a single parent

A friend of mine was similar, her DP died when the kids were tiny, no pension, no life insurance, not married so at than time no bereavement benefits either. So, so hard.

But she did keep working full time. I think like someone above said, it's easier to work as a single parent if you're already in a job where you're known and valued, people will give you flexibility. It's much more difficult to be going back into work somewhere new after a gap.

Do you have any help from family? Does your ex ever have them or do any school runs?

Willstarttomorrow, How unfair! Can you not seek legal advice and go back and fight now for what you and your child deserve?

Ok that makes sense

I'm so sorry. That must have been devastating, and can see why you had to pick your battles at the time.

I'm glad life is being good to you now.

@excelledyourself
Looking back now I probably could have fought it and won. I was just so tired of fighting. We woke up on a Sunday morning as a happy family, just finished decorating DC room who was 8 years old and we were joking about having an opening ceremony. By 13:30 he was being resuscitated in the living room due to an undiagnosed heart defect (DC had gone to friends house to play) and within a few hours was having to tell DC dad was dead. Everything after that was a bloody battle and you are at your most vulnerable and least resilient. We have got through and miss him but have created a lovely life despite it!

I'm a single mum of two- one has disabilities but I don't claim benefits. I work full time and have since youngest was 10 months.

@willstarttomorrow

So what happened to the pension your husband had paid?

You got absolutely nothing? That's shocking!

I became a lone parent overnight when DH died suddenly. His pension found a way of not paying out and no applicable benefits (including widows pension due to changes). So after taking time off on full pay (which I appreciate-public sector) I had no choice to go back to work. It was bloody hard, no family within 200 miles and I work in child protection so no guarantees of finishing on time. Finding after school care and holiday clubs was a nightmare and cost £££. We had no choice and I was skint. It was terrifying and hand to mouth at times but we got there. I look back and I am so bloody proud.

It was not the life I had chosen and I had no bloody control over that. For a few years I was bloody angry about that- caught up in my grief and that of DC. It was shite, but you just do what you have to do. It took lots of years but we have worked through it and I have DC with a strong work ethic, in uni and just a credit to human kind.

Often you don't. It's not high priority compared to keeping your job and feeding/ housing your kids

I was a single parent with husband as in he works permanent nights

This is hilarious. You were NOT a single parent, your DH could choose to have a job working different hours, he choose not to. You have no idea what it’s like to be a one parent family and you have two incomes. Let me say this again, you were not a single parent. This was a lifestyle choice that your family made.

@Okwhatn0w , it is difficult, but not impossible.
I've been doing it for quite a number of years. I also have a friend who's a lone parents with no family here and she qualified as a nurse, worked the unsociable hours and now her daughter is 16, is doing very well in her career. She qualified when her daughter was in primary school.

You will decide what works best for your family unit, but I urge you to have a plan for when your child gets ro 16. You're facing possible loss of child benefit, child allowance, non-dependent deduction etc. It's a huge adjustment that many people come into, wholly unprepared.

Where the actual F**k are the fathers in all this 'single parent' nonsense....really... 🙄

Can I ask how you manage the constant requests to attend things at your children's school. It's something I really struggle with personally. I work too but I feel immense guilt if I can't attend something.

This is not intended to come across as judgmental at all I don't have much knowledge of uc but are they not expecting you to be looking for work as your dc is in school now do you not have to prove you are looking for work and attend interviews or you get sanctioned

My only experience with uc was when my 19 year old ds went on it very briefly 1 month and he was at appointments and being made to go to interviews for any job constantly

I was a single parent with husband as in he works permanent nights so school runs after school activities fell on me he gets up at 10 pm and was home around 10 am hgv driver I have always worked either part time at times it was hardly worth as we needed a second car but it kept up my pension contributions and my cv updated should something awful happen and i needed to work full time and as they got older full time and i wanted dc to grow up with a good work ethic which they although have taken very different career paths both work hard

Not benefit bashing at all everyone's circumstances are different but the average family without special needs or caring responsibilities shouldn't be better off on benefits and if they are either the benefits system is wrong or what employers pay is

Many lone parents work, you can get help with childcare if they are young. I'm not saying it's easy but definitely not impossible

@Thingymajigii no, my son gets high rate care and high rate mobility DLA and I'm his registered full time carer so I'm exempt from work requirements

Do they not force you to work?

Thousands of single parents work, at 8 your child is becoming more independant

no doubt will get called out for this next comment, but you will be a better example to her working than not,

UC pay 85% of childcare costs back as I receive this help.

I don't think it's privilege, I think PPs didn't realise that poster had a child with additional needs. Other posters have made it clear that they don't include parents with disabilities or children with disabilities.

I am a single parent of 4. Youngest is 1 years old. I have no family and no friends locally. I work full time, study a degree part time and have one child (possibly two) that have additional needs. I had 5 months maternity leave with my youngest then back to work. I had the longest off with him.

It can be done. But it depends on if you want to do it or not. I wouldn't dream of not working and work hard to show my kids that you have to work hard in life personally, so yes, you ABU to state you can't work as a single parent to an 8 year old.

I've been on my own now over 7 years and have always worked full time.

It's absolute shit and just an excuse to say you'd be worse off, and to still be at home with an 8 year old just because you are a single parent.

I am a single parent to a 5 yr old and work 4 days a week, after being out of work for a few years. It can be possible. Can you look for school hours jobs? What work do you have experience in? Is there anyone else you get support from?

do you get child care help as in the other parent see their child, grandparents maybe? Do you have an education? How hard did you have to work to get to where you are now?

I have had no support from the other parent, nor grandparents.
I am degree level educated.
I have worked very hard to get where I am now, but am fortunate to have always loved my job.

I am lone parent and have always worked full time (not all of that as a lone parent though). Of course it's possible. It has challenges that couples and single parents who get time when their child is with the other parent don't have, but everyone has challenges.
In my favour I have a well paid professional job and was well established when I became a lone parent, and I wfh (have done for 10 years) with some flexibility and a very good working environment.
DS2 is coming up for 16 now so childcare isn't an issue, but there's still a great deal of responsibility that lies entirely on my shoulders.