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Original poster

To take up a job offer even if it risks my relationship

40 replies

Woodenbeams · 08/02/2025 19:27

I’m late 40’s. DP is the same age.

I have grown up kids. Dp’s are school age.

we live south east, but I’ve been offered a great job in Edinburgh. It’s everything I’ve wanted job wise and have always wanted to live in Edinburgh.

i would do it for a couple of years before moving back. But will this jeopardise my relationship? We would have to be long distance- his career is in London and he couldn’t move his DC as he shares custody.

we haven’t been together that long, but our relationship is the best I’ve ever experienced. I don’t want to mess it up, but I also want to get everything out of my career after having it on a back burner while raising kids.

i feel like this is my time to achieve some work related goals. I worry about letting my career slide for a relationship that could always end ( divorce has made me very cynical)

But I think this relationship is very special ( as is DP). He is willing to try and make it work, but I don’t think either of us can guarantee it will

OP posts:
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Thepeopleversuswork · 08/02/2025 23:05

@tidyhousetidymind

Me too, family is everything, I'd never put a job first.

But he's not family... he's a bloke she hasn't been seeing long. How is that putting family first?

Waterboatlass · 08/02/2025 22:16

Go for the job. It's a newish relationship with someone at a different life stage. That's not to say drop your partner or see it as not likely to work out, but approach it as him focussing on his school age kids for a couple of years and you doing this for your career and making time for each other when his kids aren't with him. I would approach him letting him know he is a priority but this is too and you want to make both work.

If he isn't in, pick the job. In my experience, long distance is fine with an end point in mind.

PippaAB · 08/02/2025 22:07

GG1986 · 08/02/2025 20:48

I would say go for it!! If your relationship is that good then it will work long distance and he will support you.

I think this too. If your relationship is good enough, you will make the long distance stuff work...if it's not good enough, best know now.

We did long distance for the first 4 years...21 years ago.

strawberrysea · 08/02/2025 22:01

Take the job. I'll be honest, it's unlikely the relationship will last the distance but don't give up your dream job.

FinallyHere · 08/02/2025 21:48

LetGoLetThem1234 · 08/02/2025 21:17

If your partner is worth anything he would not want you to turn down a work opportunity for the relationship's sake.

This. Good luck.

LetGoLetThem1234 · 08/02/2025 21:17

If your partner is worth anything he would not want you to turn down a work opportunity for the relationship's sake.

lemonsandlimes2 · 08/02/2025 21:11

I think you have to take it in your circumstances. Sounds great and what you want. The relationship can still work!

GargoylesofBeelzebub · 08/02/2025 20:59

You'd be crazy to give up a job for a new relationship. Don't do it.

Relationships can work long distance. DH and I did it for years.

MissUltraViolet · 08/02/2025 20:58

Honestly, I am not sure a relationship would last if you only see eachother once a month for the next few years. It might of course but also if it's a new relationship then, ya know...oh well. Lots of men out there.

BUT - just from your post, this sounds like an adventure you're really excited about so, I really think you have to do it.

Hankunamatata · 08/02/2025 20:53

I used to do similar distance in LT relationship. We saw each other most weekends. I travelled the most usually. Used to go down on friday night and come home Sunday night. Sometimes we would do a long weekend and meet in the middle
Edinburgh to London is only 4 hours on the train or so or an hours flight.

ThreePointOneFourOneFiveNine · 08/02/2025 20:52

If it’s the right relationship you will make it work with the distance. Don’t give up this opportunity.

BountifulPantry · 08/02/2025 20:51

Woodenbeams · 08/02/2025 20:17

@roses2 @Bushmillsbabe do you think once a month is enough? I think I would be ok with it, but will need to ask DP.

I think I’d not think twice if we’d been together longer.

@sonjadog your perspective is very interesting. I’m just hesitant- many of my former relationships I wouldn’t have thought twice about leaving. It’s just so good to finally have met a good one, I don’t want to damage it.

What’s his opinion?

Madamecholetsbonnet · 08/02/2025 20:51

I would never put my life on hold for a bloke.

Go for it and best of luck!

Ilovemyshed · 08/02/2025 20:50

Do not give up your dream job for a relationship that may or may not last.

If the relationship is really the one, then he will hang in there.

GG1986 · 08/02/2025 20:48

I would say go for it!! If your relationship is that good then it will work long distance and he will support you.

BookASpaceCadets · 08/02/2025 20:41

Does the job have any flexibility for working from home/compressed hours - flight time to London is about 1.5 hours I think, if you could compress hours to have a long weekend every month, and work from home a day or two when he visits, or you visit him I can easily see it working if you both want it too!

tidyhousetidymind · 08/02/2025 20:37

Like so many other words or sayings there's more to it than just the few words that all of us know and revere in this case the complete saying is. “absence makes the heart grow fonder too much absence the heart will wander”
In other words out of sight out of mind.

BettyBardMacDonald · 08/02/2025 20:34

Thepeopleversuswork · 08/02/2025 19:35

Job over relationship every time. He won’t pay your rent. If he’s a keeper you can make it work. Never ever compromise a life goal because you are worried about a relationship. No relationship is worth derailing your life for.

Absolutely his. At your age you must prioritize career and money.

Marine30 · 08/02/2025 20:33

Sounds like you’ve worked long and hard for this job OP. Go for it. A good relationship can survive and adapt to new situations. DP sounds like he’s onboard so go for it.

Beachcomber · 08/02/2025 20:32

I'm from Edinburgh. Don't live there now sadly but I would jump at a good work opportunity there. It's a fantastic place to live and work in.

tidyhousetidymind · 08/02/2025 20:28

Bloom15 · 08/02/2025 19:44

I am rather unambitious and definitely work to live rather than the other way around. But if that isn't you and you want to make the jump then do it.

Me too, family is everything, I'd never put a job first.

StormingNorman · 08/02/2025 20:27

Job over a short term relationship every time.

DisforDarkChocolate · 08/02/2025 20:26

It's Edinburgh, easy to get to from London. Overnight trains, fast trains, flights. Go for it.

Bushmillsbabe · 08/02/2025 20:25

Woodenbeams · 08/02/2025 20:17

@roses2 @Bushmillsbabe do you think once a month is enough? I think I would be ok with it, but will need to ask DP.

I think I’d not think twice if we’d been together longer.

@sonjadog your perspective is very interesting. I’m just hesitant- many of my former relationships I wouldn’t have thought twice about leaving. It’s just so good to finally have met a good one, I don’t want to damage it.

It would hopefully be twice a month if he came to visit you once too. Longer trips when you or he has annual leave.
Lots of video calls, and he could bring the children to visit in the school holidays (if you are at the child meeting stage).

If the commitment is thete on both sides you will make it work. If it isn't, then it's not worth prioritising it over your dream job anyway

Ponderingwindow · 08/02/2025 20:23

Now is the time to start prioritizing your pension. If that means moving and risking a relatively new relationship, then move.

As someone in her 50s, I can not emphasize that enough. I can see the finish line and I should be ok because I have been saving diligently, but every year is getting harder. Not all of us are blessed with excellent health as long as we hope.