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AIBU?

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Original poster

To feel relieved

30 replies

Blanketapproach · 08/02/2025 18:50

i have a child with my ex boyfriend. He left when child was 3 and went on to marry someone 12 years younger than him (after never wanting to marry) and has 2 children with her. Recently I stopped him from seeing my child, probably not in the most orthodox way but I was so upset seeing my son go there every other weekend and coming home upset because his father is a completely different man with his new family and my son (now 8) can see the difference that was made between me and his now wife and between my son and his two younger half siblings. I got a message from ex today saying he is not going to seek regular contact from here on in. My son hasn’t seen him in weeks and doesn’t care, I’m relieved I never have to deal with him again. I’m just worried about the long term implications on my son?

OP posts:
Original poster
Blanketapproach · 08/02/2025 19:13

But then how do I manage my son being upset every single time he comes home from his dads?

OP posts:
Lifestooshort71 · 08/02/2025 19:11

This isn't about you and your feelings though, it's about your son and his dad. You stopped a father from seeing his son and he has now said he won't seek regular contact (perhaps because of the negativity?). He will always be the little boy's dad and it's a shame you can't be the bigger person for the sake of this relationship. My grandchild had the same - dad with new wife and 2 children - and they struggled to find where they belonged but Mum (even though she couldn't stand the new set up) persevered with monthly visits and now, at 16, it seems to be ok (however, once they're driving it might be a different story but that will be child's decision!)

Original poster
Blanketapproach · 08/02/2025 19:01

To be fair my son seems relieved to. There were so many weeks he didn’t want to go to his dads, and I don’t blame him. My ex gave up so much to be with his wife, things I begged him to give up and he wouldn’t which made me feel like shit at the start and still does sometimes but the fact he can do that on his own flesh and blood?? How does a child cope with that? Ex is besotted with his wife it’s embarrassing and I feel like they’ve pushed my son out anyway which is so sad for him.

OP posts:
ThreePointOneFourOneFiveNine · 08/02/2025 18:59

I don’t blame you. I never understand people pushing for their children to have a relationship with the other parent when they’re clearly so awful. Being rejected hurts, but it’s unavoidable and probably better for your son to just get on without his dad rather than have to endure years of being treated as second best. Sometimes a clean break is in the child’s best interests.

WonderfulUsername · 08/02/2025 18:55

Yes, I'd be worried too.

I’m relieved I never have to deal with him again.

You're assuming far too much at this very early stage.

Your son is only 8 and may well change his mind.