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Original poster

It's a wedding one! Missing DD's last day of school

135 replies

notanotherweddingaibu · 08/02/2025 17:52

DH's best friend of many years is getting married in July. DH is the best man.

It will be a small, intimate wedding. Apart from the B&G's DC, the B&G's parents and the brides sister and her DP, DH and I are the only people invited to the ceremony.

We were only told the date last week and it turns out the wedding is on the last day of the school term, and our Year 6 DD's last ever day of primary school.

DD is Autistic and struggles with 'transitions' so is anxious about the prospect of moving up to secondary school. DD and her 2 best friends are all going to different secondary schools, and although there are good reasons for this and DD is definitely happy with her choice I think it's likely all 3 of them will become upset at some point when the realisation hits that it's their last day at school together. We know that the Leavers assembly isn't on the last day, but I suppose it's possible that there may be something else going on involving parents on the last day that hasn't been announced yet.

I am struggling with the idea of DD not having a parent around so part of me thinks DH should just go without me. I feel I should put her first. But the Groom is one of our oldest and closest friends. I'm very fond of him and the idea of missing his wedding makes me feel really sad.

The wedding is a 3 hour drive away, so we wouldn't be able to take her to school then go. We will either have to stay overnight or be back very late.

We are lucky to have two sets of GP's who are very willing babysitters so childcare not an issue.

YABU: Of course you can't both miss your DD's last day of primary school, DH should go to the wedding alone.

YANBU: She'll be fine with the GP's, of course you should both go to the wedding.

OP posts:
Collette78 · 08/02/2025 18:03

I think if she’s happy with her grandparents then you are fine to go to the wedding.

I would really struggle with this too as I attempt to attend all school things for mine … but we beat ourselves up too much sometimes. If she’s happy and comfortable with GPs being there for the day then she’ll be fine, and you are allowed some time off to attend this wedding xx

Original poster
notanotherweddingaibu · 08/02/2025 18:02

modgepodge · 08/02/2025 17:58

I wouldn’t let her miss the last day. I had a y6 in my class who had had a really difficult y6 and struggled with friendships etc, her mum booked a holiday missing the last day thinking she’d not care as she’d had a pretty miserable year. Child was devastated, it’s a rite of passage. (They ended up going a day late.) if your daughter has good friends snd enjoys school and is already anxious about the transition, I would think the last day would be very important to her. (Also, the leavers assembly not on the last day is very unusual- are you sure about that?)

As to whether you need to be there or if a grandparent would suffice, only you will know! But I would definitely try to facilitate her being there.

Sorry, my OP may not have been clear, DD herself will definitely not be missing the last day. She wouldn't want that and we totally get it.

Leavers assembly is the day before. No idea why.

OP posts:
Moonnstars · 08/02/2025 18:02

Last day of year 6 is a special day for them. Although a lot of stuff will have already happened I expect (leavers hoodies, prom if your school does that sort of thing) our school does a whole school send off with all other year groups saying goodbye and making an arch for them to go through and generally making a fuss of them on the last day. I can be pretty overwhelming and emotional, so I would want to be there to pick up my DD rather than leaving it to the grandparents.

MissUltraViolet · 08/02/2025 18:01

I don’t think OP is asking whether her DD should miss the last day. DD is going in regardless, OP is just feeling bad about either missing her last day (because grandparents will be there instead) or missing friends wedding.

Dithercats · 08/02/2025 18:01

I took mine out to avoid the emotional upset. The previous year all 30 kids sobbed their way through the goodbye assembly and I just thought it was unnecessary. So we booked our holiday for the last day 😊

Clearinguptheclutter · 08/02/2025 18:00

Whereas I’m generally fine with missing a day of school for something like a wedding the last day of primary school is a tough call. My ds would have not been happy about that at all.

modgepodge · 08/02/2025 17:58

I wouldn’t let her miss the last day. I had a y6 in my class who had had a really difficult y6 and struggled with friendships etc, her mum booked a holiday missing the last day thinking she’d not care as she’d had a pretty miserable year. Child was devastated, it’s a rite of passage. (They ended up going a day late.) if your daughter has good friends snd enjoys school and is already anxious about the transition, I would think the last day would be very important to her. (Also, the leavers assembly not on the last day is very unusual- are you sure about that?)

As to whether you need to be there or if a grandparent would suffice, only you will know! But I would definitely try to facilitate her being there.

Original poster
notanotherweddingaibu · 08/02/2025 17:58

Amicompletelyinsane · 08/02/2025 17:54

Honestly the end of year 6 seems to go on forever. Most of the events aren't held on the last day, we had a good few who weren't in school that day. I'd just take her out for the day

She definitely will not want to miss the last day of school, which I understand as I would have been the same at her age.

OP posts:
MissUltraViolet · 08/02/2025 17:57

Ahh I’d find this tough too. My DD and her friends were all really emotional at the end of their last day. They all hung around for a while chatting and cuddling etc. BUT most of the ‘proper’ leaving stuff happened in the days before that, the leaving party, shirt signings etc.

I think if I was really close to the couple getting married, I’d go to the wedding and let grandparents do the last day.

Amicompletelyinsane · 08/02/2025 17:54

Honestly the end of year 6 seems to go on forever. Most of the events aren't held on the last day, we had a good few who weren't in school that day. I'd just take her out for the day