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Original poster

It's a wedding one! Missing DD's last day of school

135 replies

notanotherweddingaibu · 08/02/2025 17:52

DH's best friend of many years is getting married in July. DH is the best man.

It will be a small, intimate wedding. Apart from the B&G's DC, the B&G's parents and the brides sister and her DP, DH and I are the only people invited to the ceremony.

We were only told the date last week and it turns out the wedding is on the last day of the school term, and our Year 6 DD's last ever day of primary school.

DD is Autistic and struggles with 'transitions' so is anxious about the prospect of moving up to secondary school. DD and her 2 best friends are all going to different secondary schools, and although there are good reasons for this and DD is definitely happy with her choice I think it's likely all 3 of them will become upset at some point when the realisation hits that it's their last day at school together. We know that the Leavers assembly isn't on the last day, but I suppose it's possible that there may be something else going on involving parents on the last day that hasn't been announced yet.

I am struggling with the idea of DD not having a parent around so part of me thinks DH should just go without me. I feel I should put her first. But the Groom is one of our oldest and closest friends. I'm very fond of him and the idea of missing his wedding makes me feel really sad.

The wedding is a 3 hour drive away, so we wouldn't be able to take her to school then go. We will either have to stay overnight or be back very late.

We are lucky to have two sets of GP's who are very willing babysitters so childcare not an issue.

YABU: Of course you can't both miss your DD's last day of primary school, DH should go to the wedding alone.

YANBU: She'll be fine with the GP's, of course you should both go to the wedding.

OP posts:
Endofyear · 08/02/2025 18:56

I would let Grandparents pick her up and you go to the wedding. I bet she'll be fine and if she does get a bit upset, GPs can give her a cuddle and maybe take her for a little treat like a nice hot chocolate and cake at a café? Or you could leave a treat and a little note for her to find when she gets home 😊

CommentHere · 08/02/2025 18:56

I would go to the wedding, have the grandparents do a big treat thing after school and do a few video calls to chat to your DD about the day.

mindutopia · 08/02/2025 18:52

The last day of Year 6 is a really important one. My dc would have been really upset to miss it. It’s when they all sign their shirts and ours have their leavers assembly and it’s just a really special day for them. I wouldn’t have missed it for a wedding.

Dh can go on his own and I would stay with dd.

Sanch1 · 08/02/2025 18:52

The last day for my DD last year they had a disco in the evening, but it wasn't for parents. Wouldn't have mattered who had dropped off or picked up. The stuff for parents was the week before. I'd go to the wedding and trust that grandparents can deputise for anything that day.

Pottedpalm · 08/02/2025 18:49

I would go to the wedding.
Why do schools ramp up this to make it a big emotional deal, it’s unnecessary! Keep it low key and the children will respond accordingly. Time enough for big farewells when they finish year 11.. sixth form.. university ..

JimHalpertsWife · 08/02/2025 18:47

Ahh ok, that makes it easier then - grandparents take her home. Maybe leave a little gift with them for her to know you are thinking of her - and on the leavers assembly day maybe take her out for a nice tea.

Original poster
notanotherweddingaibu · 08/02/2025 18:46

JimHalpertsWife · 08/02/2025 18:40

But I wouldn't be surprised if there was some sort of afterschool event organised by some parents

Could her grandparents take her, if something else crops up? Or can she go with her closest friend and their parent?

As long as you are there for the leavers assembly, I'd say that's sufficient.

If she wanted to go the GP's definitely would take her. She may not want to though. She doesn't really like parties or 'big' social events. She is only really comfortable with her little group of friends and even then she needs time to decompress after socialising. They don't do a Y6 prom and DD has mentioned she's glad as she wouldn't have wanted to go. But if it was something fairly chilled like a pp mentioned going to the park, something like that she probably would.

OP posts:
Original poster
notanotherweddingaibu · 08/02/2025 18:44

cansu · 08/02/2025 18:36

I think you are overthinking this. I also think many parents feel the importance of this more than their kids and drive all the events and drama. I would go to the wedding. You are essentially considering missing an event to do a school pick up. Your parents can soothe any tears.

I am the last person who would be driving any 'drama', honestly. DD is also not one for drama at all, but I can imagine that some of the parents will be extremely emotional and she will find that awkward and not know how to react. Part of me agrees with you, by missing the wedding do I risk raising her anxieties further by making the last day seem like a really big deal?

OP posts:
JimHalpertsWife · 08/02/2025 18:40

But I wouldn't be surprised if there was some sort of afterschool event organised by some parents

Could her grandparents take her, if something else crops up? Or can she go with her closest friend and their parent?

As long as you are there for the leavers assembly, I'd say that's sufficient.

Original poster
notanotherweddingaibu · 08/02/2025 18:38

Rooroobear · 08/02/2025 18:31

my dc has just gone up to high school and on his last day all the parents stood in two lines and clapped the children and yr6 teachers out. Very emotional for everyone and I would hate to miss that. The kids were just hugging and crying. So sweet

Our school used to do something similar but have stopped it apparently as there were not just kids, but also parents crying inconsolably which then made the kids more upset. I think they try to keep it quite low key now. But I wouldn't be surprised if there was some sort of afterschool event organised by some parents.

OP posts:
cansu · 08/02/2025 18:36

I think you are overthinking this. I also think many parents feel the importance of this more than their kids and drive all the events and drama. I would go to the wedding. You are essentially considering missing an event to do a school pick up. Your parents can soothe any tears.

BreakfastClubBlues · 08/02/2025 18:35

I wouldn't want to miss the last day. My DD was yr6 last year and we took the kids to the park after school.
I doubt DD will have any memories of me being a part of her last day, but I'll always remember and wouldn't have wanted to miss any of it.

Original poster
notanotherweddingaibu · 08/02/2025 18:34

ChaosNegotiator · 08/02/2025 18:24

You say you can't drop her to school and get to the wedding, just wondering if you could go the night before, let the grandparents do drop off and then come back by yourself after the ceremony leaving DH to stay behind.

That way you don't miss the most important part of the wedding but are there for the school pick up?

There's no way I could be there for the ceremony and be back in time for school pick up even if I got lucky with traffic unfortunately.

OP posts:
sageGreen81 · 08/02/2025 18:33

Oh you can't miss it, my DD's was so so emotional. We all sang one more step along the world I go...

Rooroobear · 08/02/2025 18:31

my dc has just gone up to high school and on his last day all the parents stood in two lines and clapped the children and yr6 teachers out. Very emotional for everyone and I would hate to miss that. The kids were just hugging and crying. So sweet

MyBigFatGreekSalad · 08/02/2025 18:30

Honestly... I'd miss the wedding to be with DD. But I'm overly precious about my children's emotional wellbeing😂😂

steff13 · 08/02/2025 18:30

If it's only 3 hour drive, I'd take her to school then go on to the wedding. You'd still be there before noon, right?

cadburyegg · 08/02/2025 18:29

Miranda1723 · 08/02/2025 18:10

I wouldn't go to the wedding personally. You can only be in one place so you have to pick event which you'll miss.

I'd be the same, wouldn't want to miss my kids' last day of y6.

ChaosNegotiator · 08/02/2025 18:24

You say you can't drop her to school and get to the wedding, just wondering if you could go the night before, let the grandparents do drop off and then come back by yourself after the ceremony leaving DH to stay behind.

That way you don't miss the most important part of the wedding but are there for the school pick up?

Goldbar · 08/02/2025 18:20

You'll know your DD best but personally I would have thought the grandparents could support her sufficiently throughout it and make a fuss of her afterwards. And you can video call her before and afterwards so she knows you're thinking of her - I don't think you necessarily need to be physically there if she has someone she trusts to give her a hug. Of course, if the grandparents are difficult, embarrassing or for some other reason not on your DD's wavelength, my answer would be different.

Clearinguptheclutter · 08/02/2025 18:19

Clearinguptheclutter · 08/02/2025 18:00

Whereas I’m generally fine with missing a day of school for something like a wedding the last day of primary school is a tough call. My ds would have not been happy about that at all.

Sorry I misunderstood

its not ideal but yes i think fine to leave your daughter to it with grandparents

ours had a party after school (organised by parents not school). I’d be surprised if there wasn’t some kind of social event after so
just bear that in mind (can grandparents collect etc)

cheddercherry · 08/02/2025 18:19

Only you know if grandparents will be able to adequately support her if she’s upset or not if you aren’t there.

If it was me, I’d probably rather be there for her because I know I wouldn’t be able to enjoy the wedding fully and relax worrying if she was ok anyway. But that’s very much a me issue, if you feel she’ll be ok and grandparents can support and you can enjoy it then go.

Muchtoomuchtodo · 08/02/2025 18:12

Only you will have much of an idea how upset she’s likely to be, how well GP’s will understand this and how effective their consolation and support is likely to be.

I was very surprised who was most upset in both of our ds’s classes at leaving primary. Definitely not those that I would have expected to be.

our leavers discos were on the last day of term so that would definitely swing things for me.

I know I would have to miss the wedding in your shoes.

Miranda1723 · 08/02/2025 18:10

I wouldn't go to the wedding personally. You can only be in one place so you have to pick event which you'll miss.

Talipesmum · 08/02/2025 18:06

It would be v sad to miss the wedding but I do think, with what you’ve said about your DD, I’d stay at home for the day and send DH to the wedding.