DM redecorated my lounge

Oh piss off! I'll come round and paint your house then - you best be thankful

I can see as mil is 8 hours away she can’t do a day visit, however @Blubstering can your dh explain what you are dealing with, including the mess your mum has made of the lounge, and suggest a travelodge.

ODFOD

So sorry OP, your DM is batshit for doing this. Have it repainted and send her the bill. And change the locks as PPs have suggested.

OP I hope you and baby are doing well.

I then got a phone call from my dad to say mum was in bits and very offended I’m not more grateful for her efforts and she was only trying to do something nice for us.

What is wrong with people? Let her stew, you have more important things to be dealing with right now.

This absolutely deranged.

Even if you ignore the decorating (which is a completely ridiculous thing for someone to do) the only rational reaction to the person not liking it is massive apologies, not doubling down and being offended!

@Lavender14 can we give troll calling a rest.
I've been traumatised over the years by my in laws and when I've written about their horrible actions I've been called a troll which details the thread and cuts off help which is what mn is supposed to be about

Accepting there was good intent, this is such a bizarre thing to do. And the idea that you’d want to come home from extended time in hospital with a newborn to paint fumes. And then your mum chasing you for a response to her painting when surely the focus should be on your health and new baby.

You Dad sounds like a massive enabler - and the cheek to tell you your decor was ‘too plain’. Ignore all the weeping and guilt trips. Make sure you get you key back and don’t let them have it again!

Good intentions maybe, but doing things to other people's homes without their permission isn't okay. Getting some balloons and putting a banner up would be appropriate decoration for welcoming someone home from hospital with their new baby, not bloody turning their front room into a dishevelled Cadbury's chocolate box!

Do you see this being something you'll be able to move past, if your parents stop playing the victim?

You're doing the right thing to repaint the lounge - it's your house and if they can't see how wrong they are that's their problem.
You could always suggest they paint their own lounge grey and mauve (yuck!)

With parents as foolish as this it's hard to say if their support would actually be any help - better to make mistakes with the colour of your lounge than the care of your baby. And if they're going to carry on being silly about it you can do without the bother. And you don't have to have MIL to stay if not convenient!

YANBU. I would be incandescent with anger if someone did this in my house. How dare they?

Get your parents to pay for a professional decorator to restore it to how it should be.

In case they have keys, change the locks on your front and back doors.

See/speak to them far, far less often (if at all).

Take the key back and let her pay the painter. She needs to fix that - not you.

That behavior is absolutely bananas- especially her being now mad. The audacity!

Christ I feel sorry for your children. Who needs enemies when you've got parents like this.

This is out of character (sort of) for them - mum can be overbearing and they always think their opinions are the only right way to think, but they’ve never done anything like this before.

In my experience; and that of my friends, overbearing parents who think they’re always right tend to step it up in increasingly absurd ways when a baby comes along.

Ignore it, focus on your baby and your recovery. You’ll really regret it if you don’t. My memories of my babies early months are all marred massively by trying to keep parents/in-laws happy, and I should have just ignored them and carried on. You get this time once. It shows how much more important they feel it is to be in control and allowed to do what they want over spending time with you and their grandchild… and that says it all. You can’t change them.

You’re not being ungrateful at all; you’d had to be truly odd to be grateful for someone secretly painting your house a bright and obnoxious colour after you’d just finished decorating, and doing it badly to boot…

Can she not stay in an hotel or air B&B?
I get that she wants to see her grandchild, but it’s early days and you definitely don’t need to be hosting with a very young baby around.

This is not on you to fix! Ignore them, concentrate on enjoying your wee one, and be unavailable for anything except their grovelling apologies.

Change the locks, redecorate, and send them the bill for both.

If they don't pay up promptly, I'd be tempted to pop round with some cans of spray paint and 'decorate' their living room in return 😇.

I agree with pps who say just leave them to it for a bit. Don't give them the decorator bill (if you can afford it), and give short, delayed replies when they message you, until they apologise.

Postpartum sepsis is NO JOKE. I hope dh is taking good care of you op.

@hwi totally unacceptable post to someone who has just been through a awful ordeal and has come home to this. It's not fair and not nice.

Oh get in the sea! I hope you're not a MIL. Imagine having the utter audacity to decide a house that isn't your own should be painted in colours not chosen by the homeowner and giving new parents another thing to worry about on top of recovery and a newborn. Don't be ridiculous. It is an utterly outrageous overstep that the OP does not have to be "grateful" for.

OP, I too would be absolutely fuming. I'd make her come back and return it to the condition it was before she interfered. How dare she.

The other party might choose to escalate further, but I wouldn't rise to it personally, so for me yes that would be the end.

Yes, this is one of the even crazier things about her behaviour. Her DD was extremely ill in hospital and things could potentially have ended up heartbreakingly.

But instead of spending time trying to offer practical help, easing any burdens that they could, visiting her if she's up to it and actually wanting to see her brand new grandchild, her primary urgent concern is "Hmm, their chosen decor is a bit boring and not to MY taste at all".

Even if you had told her that you wanted it redecorated badly in that exact same colour scheme, but just hadn't had the time, you'd still think she would consider that supporting you with your health concerns and all that comes with welcoming, establishing and looking after a new baby would be a much higher priority for the time being. Nothing to stop her waiting until you all went on holiday before doing it as a nice surprise to come home to if you'd expressly told her that's exactly what you wanted.

@mustwashmycurtains no, that's op saying she's wrong and can we please put this nasty episode behind us is appeaseing someone who needs to know they have definitely done wrong.

It’s actually intrusive. I’d feel like I’d been burgled

As soon as they go on holiday, get round there and do the place up.
I'm thinking full on purple, glow stars, lime green, and you can dip all your hands in the silver paint and make a fingerprint dado rail! How cute.
Can you get animal print wall paper?

@Hwi so because your friend unfortunately died OP somehow has to be grateful for someone disrespecting her boundaries and destroying her lounge?!