DM redecorated my lounge

Just to add, if ANY of them sent back any sort of fuckwittery to DH or to me, I’d block them for a week or so and just enjoy being together with your new little family of 3. These are precious days that you don’t get back

Yes, absolutely. I'm astonished at some people on this thread finding it unusual or unthinkable for a father to actually look after his own new baby.

Even if the nurses were willing and able to do it, why wouldn't the parents want to bond with their new baby if they (or at least one of them) is able to do so?

I'm sorry but I would write a long letter or email and then back away. Completely out of order as you are now a parent yourself with your own family and not a child anymore!

I cannot believe what you and your poor husband have gone through.
You nearly dying and him scared out of his mind no doubt.
Both of you with selfish drama laden fxxkwits for parents.

I bet you have tolerated far too much from them.

You are a mum now, put you, your baby and husband first.
Mind yourself first.
Do not allow them to cause you further upset.
Congratulations and wishing you well.

I did kind of think that, too, but it was still over stepping. She should explain it, if that was the case, apologise, and offer to have it professionally put back the way it was. Not double down and have her husband, OP's dad, berate her over it as well. Especially after almost dying!

I’d send a text to both parents, signed by both of you, sent by you to your parents, and DH to his parents.

“Blub has had a traumatic and difficult birth. Blub DH has been under a lot of pressure. These early days with our newborn is a precious time that we will not get back. It seems a great shame for fallouts and guilt tripping when we should all be enjoying this new little baby. For MIL who wants to visit, you are welcome! Please understand that you will need to stay in a hotel this time. For Parents you are also welcome!

We will not be discussing any contentious issues whilst we are enjoying our new time as a family. If you want a clean slate, we’d love to see everyone. If people cannot put their own issues aside for the sake of a new baby, and parents who are exhausted and stressed, and grateful to be alive… we’ll give you your space for now, and be in touch when things are more settled here.

It’s astonishing

the op seems to actually think that they’re ok parents

when actually they sound horrific

Agreed. I thought exactly the same thing reading those words.

Did they visit you during your week in hospital? Why was she even at your home whilst you were in hospital? She has a key?

It is amazing how blind people can be to how unwell you are – over Christmas I was on antibiotics and oral steroids for a chest infection… And I just don't think my Mum really registered that I was really ill - Despite knowing I was on serious medication for it!

People can be really blind to things somehow.

Say to them to tell 10 people what she did - friends, relatives, neighbours etc - and to see what the reaction is...

If OP’s mother wanted to channel nervous energy into decorating, she could have done it in her own fucking house. This smacks of petty ego and my hat’s off to you @Blubstering for not ripping your parents a new one over their own shitty reaction to yours.

Send them the bill for the repairs.

And to those posters telling OP to be grateful, count her recent trauma as a blessing and all that bullshit, get in the fucking bin.

Congratulations on your baby and your recovery, it sounds like a lot that you have been through! Laugh with DH and imagine yourselves looking back on this ridiculousness. If you do get a chance to communicate anything to Mum let it be 'Mum, I need you.'

On the basis of your last update, your parents sound more than profoundly u npleasant, they sound utterly awful. I honestly wouldn’t want them around your child op

Thank goodness your DH sounds solid, your little family of 3 is off to a good start.

Do you think the combination of you becoming parents and your DH being the one to support you in hospital emphasised to them that you are now a fully independent adult and that they are not responsible for you anymore? And at the same time feeling concerned for you.

Like PP said about dogs marking territory, was it an unconscious attempt at control?

The very fact you think this Op would indicate you should head to the stately homes thread, and sharpish

Wow. I would be so mad about this.

It’s the response of your parents to this drama that I find most telling

Creating the drama of getting offended, your dad calling you to have a go at you and now not talking to you when you’ve just given birth.

They sound deeply deeply unpleasant people OPand quite honestly, in your shoes I’d be embracing their absence

Dh needs to have a conversation, yes mum I know you want to see the baby but quite frankly my wife got sepsis and was in intensive care. She could have died. So right now she needs calm and quiet snd time to bond with our child because she didn’t get to see/hold them much because she was in intensive care. If you feel that your need to see your grandchild outweighs my wife’s need to recover and bond then please explain it to me, because all I see right now is your own excitement making you selfish in the extreme.

As for your parents a similar text… you did something with good intentions which just hasn’t worked out. I’ve had a very distressing and complicated birth and recovering and taking care of my child is my priority right now. I had sepsis, I was extremely ill and in intensive care. in all honesty I would have thought that you would want to support me but if your hurt feelings take precedence over your recovering daughter and new grandchild then just let me know when you (get the fuck over yourselves) feel able to be parents and grandparents again (rather than sulky teenagers)

then leave them to it… there may be an element of reactive fear buried underneath the selfishness but that’s not for you to worry about… enjoy your new family because dh and you sound like a great team

I also wonder whether because you were so very ill in hospital she was incredibly anxious and needed to channel that into something because she - to put it bluntly - thought you might die yourself of the sepsis.

And although it doesn't make her behaviour, and especially the way they've dealt with it afterwards, right, it at least maybe gives some explanation.

This reaction is kind of an emotional release after the absolute fear they felt because you were so ill in hospital after the birth.

I just sometimes find if I can work out a psychological reason behind people's actions – especially the more bonkers actions - then I find it easier to deal with it and move on.

That is the strangest behaviour by her (and your Dad). Are they always like that?

Seconded.
I've just read through your thread and am absolutely appauled at the way relatives on boths sides are behaving, given the absolute ordeal you've just been through.

This is their idea of support? on both sides?

Your parents behaviour is pathetic. The unrequested Paint job is one thing, but to treat you to the cold shoulder when you've just come out of hospital like this is appauling! Especially when they've seen first hand what you've been going through.
Its Childish and selfish.
It's actually bullying to get you back into line, to beg their forgiveness and "show gratitude" for something you don't like and never asked for.
Are they always like this? Leave them to their tantrum.

As for your MIL, if she cannot accept that you are still in recovery, then I wouldn't want her visiting. It shows such a lack of concern.

Try to ignore all this unpleasant nonsense as much as you can and focus on your recovery and your newborn. I'm glad your DH is so supportive, he needs to be your buffer until these idiot relatives calm down. Congratulations on your lovely new baby. Things will get better, especially as you start to recover and feel more yourself

I do hope you’re on the road to recovery and congratulations. Hope baby is doing ok now too.

To be honest I feel like my MIL was very similar to your mum. You couldn’t tell her anything, she probably argue against what her own name was if the mood struck her and it was unbearable. I think we overlooked many, many things over the years because it was easier to “not rock the boat” but she just became outrageous (covid sort of intensified her) and we just don’t have contact now. Once we had a baby it also just levelled her up. I don’t think people like this tone down no matter how many people can talk to them/ explain reason. So to be honest I wouldn’t brush it under the carpet and if this is a sign of what’s to come with her then maybe a bit of distance is best for everyone especially whilst you focus on recovering. If her priority is sulking over being there for you (likewise your father isn’t talking some sense into her) after a traumatic birth then that says a lot.

Is this the first grandchild on either side? Ime, grandparents lose their minds over the first grandchild 🙄. Otherwise totally rational and normal people somehow make this event all about them - although in your case both behaviours sound excessive.

You sound very level-headed. I would just leave both mothers as they are: let your parents stew on the fact for a few weeks and months. When they do eventually come over and see the living restored to the way it was, everyone will have calmed down, they will see how much you hated what they did, and you can say that you really don't like bold colours, you really love what you'd originally chosen, and leave it at that. Don't apologise. Let her grasp she did an awful thing. She probably won't, but you just be you.

Let your MIL continue to cut off her noise to spite her face. She hasn't understood she's not the main act. She will, by her own actions and by not meeting the baby in its first weeks because she hasn't come down. Let her believe it's because you banned her. It's not.

As for needing your parents' help and support: you will manage. I'm afraid you've been bestowed with some incredibly selfish parents and in laws. You are a new mother who can't have help. I was one of those too (each time). I don't know what it's like to have helpful elders! But what I do have, years and years down the line, is precious precious memories of peace and intimacy and quietness and togetherness which I will treasure for the rest of my life. You forget the hard times, of having scrambled eggs and toast for dinner every day for a week, not having a hot cup of tea ever, not getting round to showering until 7pm etc. That all is forgotten. But the precious moments of night feeds, the first smile they give you, the first time you know they're actually looking at you and not in your vague direction, the mental space to appreciate these things in the moment: it's all yours and you get to keep it.