DM redecorated my lounge

It could also be a delayed response to almost losing her child. I feel the responses here are unfair.

Purple is my favourite colour but even I wouldn't paint my walls royal purple. Unless you had said that you needed it repainting and wanted it that colour, then your mum is out of order and has overstepped. It's great to hear that your husband is being so supportive, so I'd say just focus on the two of you and your baby and leave your parents to come to their senses.

Whatever team mum is , there is no need to be grateful for an act which is totally unwanted, and is a clear over step causing inconvenience, expense and stress.

Oh god op, I feel for you on many levels. Haven't managed to wade through the whole thread but I bloody hope they are talking to you again - that bit is unforgivable and you handled the initial conversation really well.

I can see how this was intended as potentially a lovely surprise and I imagine your mum's shock and shame at having got it so wrong has backed her into a corner. Not your problem though.

She should have immediately offered to put it back to how it was and in time you could have potentially had a laugh about that crazy time your mum got it so wrong but instead she doubled down - probably out of embarrassment. Easier to paint you as a bit post partum crazy and ungrateful than own her massive fuck up.

Hope you're ok.

I think you handled it brilliantly. I don’t think I could have contained myself.

Your father has really added insult to injury here.

I would leave them be on this to give them time to think long and hard about what their priorities should be, which is you and your baby.

I hope you don’t mind me saying (I’m not an expert, but I had remaining placenta which started to get quite nasty, but caught in time with antibiotics), but shouldn’t the bleeding have stopped by now? Be very mindful of the odour. If it seems wrong, it really is wrong.

Best wishes to you and your little family 💐

You really shouldn't have to deal with that drama right now.

Either this is worrying batshit behaviour, or I'm assuming your mother has a history of reading people incorrectly, being controlling & manipulative and good at painting herself as a victim when put on the spot.

@Blubstering
I just want to say I'm really sorry you've had this start to motherhood. It sounds traumatic and scary for you both. I had a PPH which was luckily dealt with v quickly. If I had come home to a purple lounge I would have absolutely sobbed at the thought of all the work needed to resolve it.

On the breastfeeding front, there are some great resources online . Olivia Lactation Consultant on Instagram has some brilliant videos.

That's insane. Not only is it way out of line, but why would anyone think it would be sensible to bring a new baby back to a house that's going to smell of paint.

I think your response was very measured.

Do you not think you might be giving her a bit too much credit?

I agree with that tbh.

She had 200 plants to check for pests every day!

I mean no one paints someone's sitting room wall purple without their say so unless they want some attention/drama/fallout do they?

Can you take a non identifying pic op…. Cadbury’s purple, just awful!

OMG. Who in their right mind redecorates someone else's house without asking? I'm not surprised you're annoyed!

My husband bloomin ate all the snacks I’d packed!!

That slice of toast though…. Best thing I’ve ever eaten. Ever. White, cheap, delicious

He said ‘yes but it was far too plain’

Talk about missing the point! 'Dad, we don't think it was plain-we liked it and now we are having to pay someone to put it back to how it was. How would you have felt if your mother in law had redecorated your lounge when you had just painted it with a colour you really liked?!'

@TheFormidableMrsC
It makes me want to go round maternity units with some sort of food trolley at all hours! Poor women are probably still going through the same thing we did!

Get a grip. No one has the right to stay uninvited at someone else's house. Whatever the circumstances.

Sorry your birth was so bad, mine was too, I would wholeheartedly recommend Illy at mixingupmotherhood for a private debrief. I would also really recommend finding a good paediatric osteopath/chiropractor if the birth wasn’t good, the NHS can’t recommend this but the NHS didn’t pick up a birth injury in my daughter and the chiropractor did.
your mum has majorly messed up, Cadbury purple on the lounge wall IS LUDICROUS. I’d be furious . I don’t know if you’re able to find it funny it’s so ludicrous, maybe in time. I think you handled her completely appropriately, it’s on her how she takes it. Take your time before you meet people, protect yourself & focus on your little one.

Do you not think you might be giving her a bit too much credit? I can’t imagine anyone with relatively normal intelligence could actually believe this to be a kind and helpful thing to do. And then to guilt trip you when you (with incredible politeness!) admitted you weren’t keen, followed by refusing to speak to you when you are a new mum recovering from a horrendous birth experience… I think she must be one of the most toxic narcissists I’ve ever read about on here, and that’s saying something!

You need to do a bit of self reflection now because you have been astonishingly permissive with her. Appreciate you are in a vulnerable state at the moment, but if contact resumes you’ll need to start advocating for yourself or she’ll keep walking all over you.

Op… the attention is on you for the first time
and now there’s a baby in the mix
please say you don’t have plans for this woman to provide childcare in future?

Maybe if you bothered to read OP's comments you'd have read: "She was looking after my plants while I was in hospital (I have an extensive rare houseplant collection, it’s a hobby we share) so we gave her a key."

Why eat humble pie to someone who has badly overstepped the mark and effectively vandalised OP's house?

OP's mother should be learning that she can't just trample over boundaries like this. If she even knows what boundaries are, that is. She should at the very least be offering to pay to have it put right now, although I am almost willing to bet that she won't. I'd certainly put it to her though and wouldn't care at all if she didn't like hearing that. Maybe it would teach her not to march into other people's homes and paint the walls unwanted colours.

Poor OP, what an utterly ridiculous situation to have to deal with at such a time.

Your DM has massively overstepped the mark here, I cannot think of anything more insane to do.

Its really their job to do the fixing but in the interests of moving on, just be clear with them

'Look I'm very weak and I would love it if you could come and help me with the baby. I don't have the energy to fight with you over the redecorating, but I need to let you know that it was a very unwelcome gesture, however well intentioned. Please can we draw a line and move on.'

Balls in their court.

Yes I agree with this. Seems wild.

Essentially your Mum didn't like your colour scheme, as she felt it was 'too plain'. So she took advantage of the fact you were in hospital, and decided to change the colour scheme. If I was charitable, I could say that she was stressed/worried about your being in hospital, and needed an outlet for it, and decorating helped keep her mind occupied. Regardless of the reason behind her actions, she seriously overstepped boundaries. She had absolutely no right to come into your home and decorate without your knowledge. I would have been livid in your position too.

You are vile, and your misguided ridiculous opinion does not help OP.
WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU!!!!
Upstanding parents? My arse, they are controlling parents who think they have the right to bulldoze into their DD’s home and cause chaos at a time when she needed calm, love, and care.
May be YOU are that kind of bulldozer mother or MIL who makes everything about you and can’t see the light.
OP is not ungrateful, and 99% of MM users agree.
I detest people like you!