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Difficulties with colleagues

108 replies

Ereerenownow · 08/02/2025 09:41

To feel like a complete outsider at work. Smallish team all women of late 40s/50s. I'm slightly younger. I accept that I don't have much in common with them but I am really ostracised by them and the manager who is also female and similar age to others and good friends with 2 of them. When I first started one of the original ogs accused me of something I didn't do and even though witnesses came forward to put her right, she kept escalating abd escalating the situation until mediators had to be involved and she was given a warning by hr.

Manager took her side and made me feel like I was cracking up, accusing me of causing trouble and trying to force me to apologise to my accuser which I refused to do as i hadnt done anything wrong. Looking back I think this was a mistake as I was seen as a problem and a trouble maker as the manager wouldn't acknowledge that I was falsely accused.
Now the women including manager go out for lunch without me, are going on holiday together (I overheard them talking about it) and generally making me feel like shit. I've tried to build bridges by being friendly etc but it seems that one after the other, they seem to have a problem with me until im at the point when I feel sick at the thought of going into work. My confidence has gone and although on the surface they are mostly polite to me, I see them giving me the side eye and smirking at each other. For various reasons, I can't leave the job at the moment but I do need some tips or suggestions on how to not let this get to me.

OP posts:
Ereerenownow · 08/02/2025 10:03

Lamelie · 08/02/2025 10:00

Start job hunting. I’ve been struggling for a year, similar situation with ostracising. Funnily enough I’ve been there 15 years and the company culture has changed around me. Having your guard up and constantly double guessing/ scrutinising boundaries and all the time going above and beyond my duties so there can be no criticism of my performance has left me utterly shattered. My last ally left last week and I’ve requested voluntary redundancy- they’ve asked me to think on it but if they refuse I’m taking sick leave until they kick me out.
Flowers

I'm so sorry this happened to you. I've considered counselling as I'm so floored by it all.
I keep receiving emails from manager about how I'm upsetting team dynamics but I honestly don't believe I'm doing anything wrong other than refusing to join in with the drama. Maybe I am the problem, I don't know, I think I need to talk to a counsellor. I hope you are well x

OP posts:
Lamelie · 08/02/2025 10:00

Start job hunting. I’ve been struggling for a year, similar situation with ostracising. Funnily enough I’ve been there 15 years and the company culture has changed around me. Having your guard up and constantly double guessing/ scrutinising boundaries and all the time going above and beyond my duties so there can be no criticism of my performance has left me utterly shattered. My last ally left last week and I’ve requested voluntary redundancy- they’ve asked me to think on it but if they refuse I’m taking sick leave until they kick me out.
Flowers

Ereerenownow · 08/02/2025 10:00

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No I've never had a problem with previous jobs and colleagues. In fact, I'm going out tonight with a group of women from my last job.

OP posts:
Runoutofmilk · 08/02/2025 09:59

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Ereerenownow · 08/02/2025 09:58

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Just over a year

OP posts:
Ereerenownow · 08/02/2025 09:57

sesquipedalian · 08/02/2025 09:49

“it seems that one after the other, they seem to have a problem with me”

Why? What happens? Does one turn another against you? Or is it separate things that you have done? How many people are we talking about? Who were the witnesses who came forward to speak up for you when you were falsely accused? Can you be friendly with them? There are always some people (perhaps your manager is one of them) who will take against you for whatever reason, but not normally all of them.

One of them was speaking badly about another person and I asked them to stop. They started screaming at me and crying and said I had really upset them. Maybe I did but they were being vile about someone who didn't deserve it.
Another one 'grassed me up' to the manager when I made a comment about it how it was inappropriate and I was labelled a trouble maker again.
The witnesses who came forward were from another team but share our office space. They aren't in the office much so I was lucky they were when the incident happened.
I am always polite to them but when I try to be friendly, they have been known to physically move to another part of the office to get away from me.

OP posts:
Runoutofmilk · 08/02/2025 09:53

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

sesquipedalian · 08/02/2025 09:49

“it seems that one after the other, they seem to have a problem with me”

Why? What happens? Does one turn another against you? Or is it separate things that you have done? How many people are we talking about? Who were the witnesses who came forward to speak up for you when you were falsely accused? Can you be friendly with them? There are always some people (perhaps your manager is one of them) who will take against you for whatever reason, but not normally all of them.