To give consequences to daughter for waking the baby

New baby, new rules, new disruption, new defiance. It’s a reaction to feeling sidelined. So include her. This is the consequence of having a baby when a child has been “top dog” for years and can barely remember her sibling as a baby. It’s all new to her and she’s reacting by being defiant and trying to re-establish her position. It’s natural and doesn’t deserve punishment.

My 5yr old knows if he is excessively loud and wakes his sister up after he goes to sleep he looses watching the TV in the morning. He only did it once and that was because he had a tantrum in the hallway after he got sent to bed

I think blaming her for the baby waking isn't fair, but it's reasonable to be cross if she's being loud when you've asked her to be quiet or coming into the room when you've asked her not to. I think 7 is fine to say you need to not come in for 15 mins or whatever it is. But you need to be also hyper aware that the rage you feel for her waking the baby is disproportionate to what she actually did. So you can't punish her more for waking the baby vs if she does it and doesn't wake the baby, or does it when you're in the bathroom or shower.

I feel for you though, there's no frustration like the frustration when you get the most difficult one settled and the loud one opens a door, or goes to the toilet or asks for water.... and the whole process starts again.

Who is 'we'? As said, it takes one of the adults to settle the baby, the other stays with your primary aged children.

On what planet is a 7 year old too young to understand consequences?

Mine understands them fine. She just doesn’t give a shit.

She probably feels with each child born she is now irrelevant, look at it from her viewpoint

If you speak to her the way you have worded things here, she will absolutely be feeling pushed out.

So, involve her, or make sure she's definitely not being "pushed out". Her life has had major upheaval, help her through it.

What is she needing to go in your room for?

I agree op, I'd have a consequence for this. At 7 she is easily old enough to know that if she's been told to stay downstairs, she stays downstairs. In our house similar aged DC get 30 min tv after dinner, I'd get 3 lego men and put by tv. Each one is 10 min tv, every time she goes upstairs when told not to, she loses one. If she is still doing it, swap to 2 lego men each worth 15 mins. If still doing it, 1 lego man for whole 30 mins.

Can you tweak your routine so that the 7 YO is not left alone while you put the baby to sleep? She is craving attention and is far too young to understand consequences.

You could also try and make her part of it and give her some “responsibilities” in the baby’s routine

Yes, perfectly fine. Put rules in place with appropriate sanctions if they aren't followed. You cna spend time with her after, or even if you don't, that's fine too. You've a busy family and everyone needs to woke towards its peace and routine.

I suspect it's actually a symptom of bigger issues.

My 13 year old is the exact same and it’s not changed now little one is nearly 2.

little one did get used to it mostly but there are occasions she’s just too loud so I can totally sympathise xx

My baby absolutely would not go to sleep if I was sat chatting with my older child, he finds her voice very interesting. He needs quiet…sometimes even the creak of a floorboard wakes him.

Oh I just saw there are two of you. We always used to have one with the baby and one with the older child at bedtimes.

fair enough, and if it is the case both parents are with baby I agree that’s unnecessary. I took it to mean that that’s the routine the parents have, with one of them doing that each time, not that 2 of them are doing it each time. If someone asked me how I settle my baby at bedtime I’d say ‘we bathe him, then we feed him, we have stories then we try and settle him to sleep in his cot’ - as either one of us might do that of an evening. We wouldn’t both do it together usually! But perhaps that’s just the way I speak 🤷‍♀️😂

So you settle the baby to sleep upstairs, when creep downstairs with the baby?

Maybe while you're settling him you could choose that time to have a catch up chat with your 7 year old, or story etc. the calm voices will also be soothing to the baby.

Baby sling isn’t the answer for everything and I have used one myself. Stop suggesting it. It is not as freeing as people think. I can’t drink a hot drink in one and what if I wanted to have a lie down.

She’s 7 and capable of following an instruction. It would annoy me too as its a few mins out of each day.

Step too far. You'd be introducing long term resentment towards yourself and the sibling for short term gain.

At 7 she's old enough to understand "let me get the baby down, and then I can play with you properly". And you then have to honour that (even though I understand just how exhausted you must be!)

One of you is with DD when the other gets the baby to sleep

Why is it we though surely it isn’t both of you. If it is just you and we is a typo just calmly explain you will be with her shortly bd afterwards give her attention

if it is both one needs to be with the others

But you come downstairs after he falls asleep in your room - so is sleeping alone yes?