To give consequences to daughter for waking the baby

I agree, natural consequences.

Later there will be a thread about a 7yo who doesn't follow instructions at school to keep quiet and everyone will say its because of flakey parenting. Over here a parent tries to parent and is practically labelled a monster. The double standards are ridiculous on mumsnet sometimes.

Surely the 5 and 7 year olds are at school when the baby naps? Or is this only happening at weekends?
Tbh the baby just had to fit in with the older children. We were out at clubs after school hours. Weekends all over the place. Clubs, days out etc. Do you stay in for all the babies naps? If so I can see why the older child feels pushed out

You can still adore your siblings and at the same time feel left out.

There was 10 years between my brother and I and my mum used to say ill just be 15 minutes but sometimes she wasn't. Sometimes she was longer. It really felt like a threat to my time with my mum while she was still in a reasonable state to play with me and not over tired.

Also a lot of 7 year olds can tell the time, but they can still experience time blindness too. A minute can feel like an age. 10 minutes feels like eternity, especially if the prospect of something more exciting is coming.

In this instance as OP already has 2 children she should try and get the baby used to sleeping while there is some background noise like a white noise machine or equally take both her other children upstairs with her while she puts the baby down so the other 2 can entertain eachother and still feel secure knowing mum is right there.

Sounds like she's already responsible for minding the 5 year old at the time.

No, take her in once with you and show her how you settle the baby quiet as a quiet mouse and teach her how to let herself in and be quiet and patient sitting on the floor until you are ready. Integrate and include her, don't scapegoat her just because her sibling is less impulsive

None. Poor child feels left out and wants attention.

The op wants to make the matter worse and 'give her consequences' which is just a veiled way of saying 'punish her'

Really nasty way to think about her daughter who up to the siblings arrival would have been the centre of attention.

Not an expert but co-sleeping is fabulous.Leave dad downstairs, once bub is asleep transfer to cot. Then you and dad have time to put the other 2 to bed. If one comes in with you who cares? My now 30yo snuck into my bed regularlly until he was about 8. It doesn't matter. Just go for happy and chill. Good luck.It's actually a very brief time.

I would promise mine game if they didn’t wake the baby - so gets full attention when baby is asleep. Works a treat.

Who is we then? In our room? We is more than one as is our. Surely she would say whilst I put the baby down in its room if it were just her.

The Pp was talking about a reward system
Utterly ridiculous
She needs a firm telling off not a reward system
Acknowledge she wants you BUT right now I'm getting baby to sleep.
Do not wake him

It's fine for children to feel left out, sad, annoyed etc
They need to FEEL to develop resilience not have parents wading in with rewards to cushion things every 5 minutes.

"we've just put him down" If you actually mean that two of you are settling the baby while your other kids have no parental attention, then it's pretty obvious that the seven year old is saying "why is the baby so loved that he gets both parents while I get none?" Obviously the conclusion she's come to that she is loved less which sounds fairly likely.

However also it may be that actually you mean "we've" as in which one of you is dealing with the kids that day while the other is working or something. I think in that case obviously what you are doing can't be helped. I would say are there good consequences for the seven year old not interrupting? Like does she get someone's attention once baby is down? Is it special time for the bigger two to do an intense parent time activity while baby naps? If both of you are there maybe the 5 and 7 year old could each get an adult to do something, if they let you get the baby down quickly. Or if one adult, there must be a game that a 5 and 7 year old would both play with an adult, that a baby wouldn't?
"Go get out X quietly. If you are quiet, I'll get baby down quickly and then we'll have time for a full game or to finish X, before he wakes."

Age 7 with a younger sibling I'm pretty sure she's familiar with the idea that one sometimes has to take turns for attention. I mean, it probably happens at school too

I think your use of the word 'we' so continuously up thread - even though you did actually clarify you didn't mean 'we' you meant one at a time - has set people's minds on the wrong track possibly.

When I read 'we are upstairs with a closed door with baby' I read that both mummy and daddy (even worse if this is not her dad) were enjoying cosy time with baby and leaving the other 2 out. That would actually be cruel.

But you didn't mean that.
But it's possibly set the tone.

What would you call it? I’ve always referred to my and DH’s bedroom as ‘our’ room — because it is!

The OP isn’t saying it does.

I am fascinated people believe this.

There are angry and depressed adults for multiple reasons.

id suggest it’s more commonly due to their parents having given them an fundamentally incorrect impression of the world imparting the belief it centres exclusively on their needs and feels throughout their childhood so when they go out in the actual world they are self centred individualists… who are interacting with a bunch of other people who were parented similarly and are also self centred individualists and surprise surprise it’s not a functional set up as their never ending needs and asks cannot be satisfied and they don’t consider others…

vs being emotionally damaged because your mother asked you to watch paw patrol with a snack for 20mins…

Why does it take two to put the baby down?

The reason is because she wants her parents attention and to not feel second best to this baby.

She's being told that baby is more important.

You need to check a dictionary if you think this is abuse. If you really cared about abused children you wouldn't normalise their experience by applying the term to every trivial bit of parenting that you disagree with.

Ffs

100% it's about the change in dynamics.

When your parents are basically saying this baby is more important than you, it's going to cause issues.

This child has known no different her entire life, and BAM all of a sudden there's a baby, who will naturally need more attention, but she's being literally shut out of rooms with her parents, because they are prioritising the baby. She's potentially going to be punished for expressing a negative emotion.

The parents can deal with this quite easily without the need to punish a child who hasn't got the tools to express how they feel.

Does it really take two to settle the baby?

Take it in turns, one with the baby, one interacting with the elder two, so no-one feels left out.

Your five year old and your seven year old are two different people at different stages of development - don't compare them, especially not to criticise.

You need to consider WHY she's doing it, not THAT she's doing it.