To give consequences to daughter for waking the baby

YANBU in my opinion as someone with a 7 year old, 4 year old and baby. My 4 year old often doesn't understand the need to not come in/be quiet when getting the baby to sleep and I feel she is old enough to, I'd be really cross if my 7 year old was doing it!
It's for a short period of time, it's not like you're ignoring them for the baby all day.

This. Do you mean both of you settle baby? If so that's not necessary, it only takes one and if its just one settling the other parent should be reinforcing that you don't burst in and wake the baby. If it's one adult on their own, reiterate I am settling baby now, once I'm done we will read/bath/eat/whatever

We got our eldest to read a bedtime story to the baby to stop her feeling left out. She loved doing it and it meant we could do nappy and change etc uninterrupted and she then gave me a couple of minutes to settle him. He’s 3 now and still loves her to read his bedtime story to him.

When my MIL brought my dh home from the hospital, she put the telephone under his bed, to teach him to sleep through anything.

It worked a treat - he is 61 now and could sleep through the Band of the Coldstream Guards marching through the bedroom!

This is surely just part and parcel of having a baby when you have other fairly young DC...

Why does it take two people to settle the baby?
One person needs to settle the baby and the other person needs to be with the older children- doing something nice with them to distract them if necessary.
Win win then for everyone.

This thread is full of weirdos, sorry to say.

Mental abuse. You should be sitting next to your newborn at all times when they are sleeping. You have scarred your DD forever by bringing a sibling to her life. Good grief

You don't need to creep around ffs. The baby will never sleep if they're not exposed to any noise.

You should be less concerned about the eldest making noise and teach your baby to sleep with normal household noise . If you are born into a house where there are older siblings that’s life , he will get used to it .

It might be that she is doing it for attention - are you spending time with her when the baby is napping? Perhaps consider making time for her one on one so she doesn't feel sidelined.

I agree with the previous poster who has suggested rewards if your dd does remember not to wake the baby, @sleptlikeababydidnt. If I were you, I'd have a star chart, so every day she remembers not to wake the baby, she gets a star, and a reward for, say, 10 stars. You probably should do the same for the 5 year old, so she doesn't feel left out.

Could you also put a notice on your bedroom door - "Please be quiet - baby is sleeping" - as a visual reminder for her?

I understand it's frustrating. I have a 3 year old and a 13 year old. The 13 year old has adhd and can be quite loud in the evenings, it's not his fault though; even though at times he opens doors very loudly or stomps up the stairs and wakes 3 year old. I remind him to be quiet and that's that. Yes it's annoying but I don't punish him for it! He lives here too.

I think you can simultaneously understand her reasons (needing some attention, and just natural childish impulsiveness) and discipline undesirable lines of behaviour. Children thrive from clear rules, boundaries and consequences. Small amounts of age appropriate responsibility also make them feel important and valued in the family.

So I personally see no problem with consequences in this scenario. It will help her remember the rule more clearly and hopefully mean the behaviour repeats itself less, and everyone will be happier.

Oh my god can people actually not read

@sleptlikeababydidnt this thread is insane.

You've been laid into because you called the bedroom you share with your DH 'our bedroom' and because you've use the term 'we' when describing what you or your DH do when putting the baby down. One person has even made the assumption that you are sitting in your room with the baby for all the time he is asleep while leaving your 7 & 5 YOs downstairs unattended for several hours a day.

No wonder you haven't come back!

Some of the sheep on MN really blow my mind at times.

It's probably best to use natural consequences to manage this situation. Try makign a plan to do something nice when the baby is asleep and then, if she wakes him, you don't have time to do the nice thing.

At 7YO she is probably jealous so, alongside the natural consequences, try to carve out a regular time where you have a few minutes just for her and remind her often how much you love her without mentioning the baby or being a big sister.

No I wouldn't punish her are you trying to make her resent the baby?

I agree with this.
Why are both adults ''settling'' the baby behind a closed door, leaving a 5 year old and a 7 year old to feel pushed out.

Sound like classic jealous behaviour
she knows exactly what she is doing to pull focus on to her not the precious baby

she needs attention and love bombing not punishment

take her out on a mummy daughter date as a starting point and start listening to her

I recall taking my daughter alone for a hot chocolate a year after my youngest was born and had a huge pang of guilt as I realised it was the first time in a year than I’d sat opposite her and just listened to her letting her chat and asking her questions … up to that point is was just “a hums” and “yes darling” ( with out doing any real conversations
her attention seeking irritating behaviour got better after that

I wondered the same.

Give her lots of cuddles and encourage her to come in very quietly, be quiet yourself.

This won't last forever.

Our room as in her DH’s and her room, she has already explained this.

But you said we creep down, so is baby left alone in the bedroom or not?

Ridiculous! Absolutely over the top. She is not being abused. Get a grip.

I'm confused.

You've acknowledged that the baby needs to be in the same room as you at all times.

A 4 month old sleeps for 12-16 hours a day.

You want your 7 year old to be unattended and quiet for 12-16 hours a day?

Your 5 year old must be an unusual temperament, I'm shocked that they are able to be quiet and leave you alone for the vast majority of the time.

You need to find ways of letting your 4 month old sleep through the normal noise of family life. DD used to fall asleep in her pushchair on a walk and I could just pop her in the Moses basket when I got back, or more frequently, she'd sleep on me but I would still be with the family in the living room.

How does she behave if you don't close the bedroom door? Is she knocking because it's closed and a FOMO? Hence continuing until you open it.

Nah, you've got this the wrong way round. Baby fits around the elder siblings, not the other way round. Baby will get used to sleeping through noise if that's what they have to do. At 4 months, after encouraging both older children to sneak around, you'll have a tougher run, but it'll be absolutely worth it in the long run. It's impractical to expect 20 minutes of quiet every time a baby needs to sleep; you have no control over that.