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AIBU?

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Original poster

To give consequences to daughter for waking the baby

262 replies

sleptlikeababydidnt · 08/02/2025 08:49

I'm probably just tired but dd is 7 and is constantly waking 4 month baby up either by bursting in our room to ask something when we've just put him down despite being told not to come in our room while we settle him or by raising her voice and waking him when he's napping, it's getting beyond a joke.
We have a 5 year old who manages to keep her voice down and not wake the baby who also doesn't come in our room when asked not to.

Aibu to give consequences for waking the baby or is that a step too far and I just need sleep?

OP posts:
Original poster
sleptlikeababydidnt · 08/02/2025 09:01

It's mainly that she is asked not to come in our room where baby sleeps and yet still finds an excuse to or she'll knock loudly and won't stop until she's answered even after we tell her to go downstairs for a minute.

OP posts:
Blakesaflake · 08/02/2025 08:59

I was 7 when my younger brother was born. I was made to tiptoe around him.
I felt pushed out and made to grow up too fast.

Not his fault, my parents just centred him. My mother had PND because she didn't want to have him but my father made her. She was distant and unavailable, changed from being my loving mother, and my father overcompensated by smothering my little brother.

I was told to be a big girl and suck it up.

These things stay with you.

My brother and I don't have a relationship as adults and I still resent the way I was made to behave.

MintTwirl · 08/02/2025 08:56

Do you think she is doing it on purpose? If so then she is likely screaming out for your attention even if it is negative attention if is still attention to her.
If you think it’s not on purpose then you can’t really punish her for simply being 7 years old.

Simonjt · 08/02/2025 08:55

Surely the person parenting the seven year old should be the one stopping her going inti the bedroom? We didn’t expect our son to be quieter when his sister was a baby, not only is that not realistic, but it would have also taught him that he came second to his sister if we had gone down that route, which is a guaranteed way to make a child feel isolated, worthless and no longer a full member of the family.

Needanewnameidea · 08/02/2025 08:55

“Not come into our room while we settle him” - does she have another adult she can access during this time? How long is this time? It’s not unreasonable for a seven year old to need her parents attention too.

Lowhangingfruitisthebest · 08/02/2025 08:53

Perhaps you could reward her for not waking the baby instead of punishing her for waking them?

ValentineValentineV · 08/02/2025 08:52

I think the baby should fit in with your older DC not the other way around.

pictoosh · 08/02/2025 08:52

Your baby isn't your 7 year old's responsibility. I understand how frustrating this must be...but you're asking her to quell her natural childish personality and impulses. Your 5 year old is better at it but they are different children.
Remind her by all means but don't punish her...she won't be doing it deliberately.

My thoughts.

Paperthin · 08/02/2025 08:52

I think it’s just family life and baby will soon get used to having 2 older siblings. Your last sentence is about your sleep though rather than baby, so that’s hard if these are times when you are trying to sleep too. I wouldn’t punish with consequences, I’d be rewarding both of them if needed to use quiet voices sometime, at 7 and 5 they are older enough to understand that.

ValentineValentineV · 08/02/2025 08:51

A step too far.

Eviolle · 08/02/2025 08:51

What consequences could you give a 7 year old for waking up a baby?

Iwilladmit · 08/02/2025 08:50

Who is with DD when you’re settling the baby? Does she feel threatened / left out? I got a new sibling when I was that age and felt pretty much forgotten.
maybe look at the reason for the behaviour rather than just punish.

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