To give consequences to daughter for waking the baby

Our no 3 was sent for hearing tests because she didn't react much to noise. We knew she was okay but .......! She didn't sleep a lot, but neither did her siblings. They helped to look after her, and are close friends.....

She is acting up due to sibling rivalry I suppose. You will be wanting to foster a good relationship with the siblings which won’t be helped by consequences. Seven year olds are able to comprehend responsibility. Perhaps getting little jobs to help around baby care would help a bit.

In the real world, it's perfectly OK to leave a 7 and a 5 YO alone while putting a baby to sleep. Good grief. Have you heard of single parents?

Seriously? Because there's a baby trying to go to sleep. It's not child abuse for family members to show consideration for each other and 7 is not too young for a child to be taught to be considerate.

Children of 5 and 7 can be left alone in their home for goodness sake.

But no, as has been clarified by the op many times at this point, she does not mean both parents are settling the baby.

reminded me of this…

"Speak roughly to your little boy,
And beat him when he sneezes;
He only does it to annoy,
Because he knows it teases."

😆

What do you mean by 'we'.
Surely you are not leaving your 7 and 5 year old alone whilst two of you put a baby down to sleep?

Blimey i thought you were going to say if the other things were the case then she probably needs a lot more attention than she’s getting!

Ok so although you’re not always doing baby’s bed time together, make sure you never do, so that if possible there’s an adult accessible to dd.

If theres only one if you in the house, don't shut the bedroom door so that she can creep in if she needs you, and you can remind her with a signal when you see her coming. Remind her that if the baby is sleeping, she'll get more of your attention, and make sure this is the case. Give her a vested interest in it working out!

I agree a that a baby should fit round existing children though.

But ‘consequence?’
It’s her home and not a time she should be asleep. Why should she tiptoe round?

I really don’t like the tone of some of the posts here .
I was in a very similar situation with 3 small children , similar sort of age gaps .
I was settling baby for naps and at night by myself because husband wasn’t there most of the time when I was trying to do that .
No other help .
He was sometimes there evenings so he would be around when I was trying to settle baby .
He wasn’t necessarily playing or involved but he was there so the other 2 knew they could ask him things but sometimes the middle one would barge in 🤪.
They did get rewarded in some way for just using quiet voices for a little bit .
Oldest one I tried making them feel important by helping, even if it was just getting the middle child something from the cupboard or getting some toys out

I'm surprised at this. When I was 7 I'd never have woken up a baby if I knew I should be quiet for a bit. There was plenty of other things I could go and do. It's learning some consideration. If she feels pushed out it's natural and that should be considered, but also she needs to learn some consideration.

My observation is that you are making problems with your baby by creeping around. A baby can and will get used to sleeping with noise around. I had four children, have worked in a children’s home with babies aged from birth to six years old and fostered newborns whilst bringing up my own children and child minding. I never tried to be quiet around a baby and never had problems with a baby not settling because of noise.
My one experience of a baby like yours was when I babysat my Aunt’s grandchild with her and we were told not to put the TV on for half an hour after the baby was asleep, or to talk above a whisper. That girl is grown up now and still has problems getting to sleep unless in complete darkness and silence.

As the OP clarified about 8 pages back, she used ‘we’ as I interpreted it, to mean ‘one of us’. Does no one else speak like that?! ‘We better get some milk.’ ‘We need to get Ellie to school by 8.30.’ ‘We take the kids to football on a Saturday.’ - none of these to me would mean both parents would do that job, just that it is a shared responsibility and either parent could do it!

OP has said there are not 2 of them in the bedroom with the baby while 2 older ones run feral. Like many families, one parent is out, the other is setting the baby, the older ones are expected to entertain themselves for 15 minutes. All very normal.

Probably as the OP said WE

It's not an unreasonable expectation.

"Shh, baby is sleeping," is hardly abusive.

So you expect a young child who has just had her world turned upside down by the arrival of another child to keep her voice down and tiptoe around in her own house when it isn't even HER bedtime. Try harder OP. You have 3 children, life doesn't revolve around just one.

I think you have to take note of this.
Very unfair on the older child when they have to put their needs second to the younger one. The 7 yr old does not need "consequences" - it would be understandable if she then resented the younger child as this did not happen before they were born.
I do understand that PND would have made the situation even more difficult, but still don't think the older child should see the younger one being preferred over them.

I think it would be better to give her encouragement re how to be a good big sister.
I got my friend this book for her daughter when she had new baby called Im a new big sister. Its great book, gives lots of advice and tips on being a big sister while she is colouring in the pictures.
amzn.eu/d/iojYHU7

Think you need to think about your DD7 here not your baby, baby will just go back to sleep. DD probably feels very left out of why she is is not allowed in the room with you and baby.

My first thought is that she’s feeling put out new sibling etc
i would include her in the baby routine, get her to help whisper hum , and assist you
make her an important part of setting the new baby

@sleptlikeababydidnt

“HundredPercentUnsure
Baby shouldn't be sleeping in a different room to you anyway at 4m old, if you follow the advice from NHS and lullaby trust?

Stick baby in a sling to nap and give your 7yo the attention they're craving.”

'Baby naps in the lounge and sleeps in our bedroom with us'

'It takes 5 minutes to put him down but then he isn't in a deep sleep for around 15 minutes during which we creep downstairs so we need her to keep it down and not go up during that time.'

Which is it?

Parent all your kids ffs

This. She's looking for attention and you will achieve nothing here. Find a new plan.

Your daughter wants your attention. Find some way of giving it to her while putting baby to sleep. One of you deals with the older 2 while one puts baby to bed