To hate Friday evenings

So don't bother. As people have said, make the Friday meal something really quick and easy, and don't stress if DS doesn't want to eat it.

Make him a packed lunch for after school, so sandwiches, fruit etc. and forgo the family dinner on a Friday, kids to bed and make yourselves dinner once they are in beds

So DH clears it up??

the tidying can wait until they are in bed and be split between you and dh

packed “tea” ready for DS when he gets home, he doesn’t have to have another meal when you get in

set up some toys/stage the play area/stickers or colouring ready in the morning/night before for him to do when he gets in so he’s not left solely in front of the tv

drop the bath

I know it’s shite op, I’m a single mum to 3 and have had to drop my standards on lots of things as sometimes something has to give! Won’t be long until September.

Leave the toys. They can be tidied away on Saturday. Honestly I’m amazed people can be arsed to tidy up every single day. I certainly don’t. What’s the point? It just gets messed up again.

Friday night tea is and has always been treat night in our house. Kids are much older now and it’s still treat night. If he’s eaten loads of snacks after school of course he’s not going to want to eat a healthy tea. Why are you trying to force a not hungry child to eat? He’s not hungry! Frozen pizza. Dh can whack it in the oven and he can eat that instead of snacks. Or he can have a hot school dinner at lunch and then a sandwich picnic tea on a Friday.

You get in from work. Order takeout or make sure you have an easy tea in the fridge (eg pizza) something that can just be heated up. No cooking required. Both kids are fed. Small one at nursery. School kid had his pizza earlier. Then all you have to do it put them to bed and put your feet up

Why were you leaving work earlier and what's changed?

Who is collecting your ds from school on Friday?

What's happening in September and what changes will that bring?

I would just pre-cook a proper meal and give it heated up instead of the snacks. We’ve always fed my DC a full meal straight away on a Friday - there’s something about the end of the week tiredness that just makes mine ravenous. My bet is he’d probably eat the tea if offered instead of the snacks.

Would some kind of hobby club be an option? Eg squirrels, gymnastics, martial arts etc etc whatever he’d be into. Something like squirrels would buy DH an extra hour to work at home and maybe you could pick up from there? Or something like gymnastics there’s often a waiting room - could he log in and work from there or from the car? If not, I’d go for the babysitter option to tide you over until September.

Skip bath time for sure, just for one night.

Don’t feel you have to rush, I’m sure DS is fine watching some TV and eating snacks if his dad is nearby.

Leave the toys all over the floor, he can play with them Saturday morning before breakfast, and help you put them all away after? Or I’d be reducing what was available on a Friday. Leave out something easy to tidy, put away things that are annoying to tidy.

Accept the stroppiness and difficultness, it’s Friday night. All kids are tired, stroppy and difficult on Friday night. He’s also probably acting out because he’s not seen you all day and you’re maybe preoccupied making dinner? With clingy DD? Maybe ensure you and he can have 10 mins to do something together that isn’t bath time? See if that makes a difference. Even if it is just a one-on-one cuddle when you get in ?.

Healthy dinner is easily solvable by your husband, he can bang something in the slow cooker on his lunch break. Dinner is pretty much served when you step in the house. Looks for one pot style recipes where you just ladle it out (e.g. a stew with potato and veg).

I’d make a Snack plate (you or DH) ahead of time and have it in the fridge ready for after school. I do this for my DD and she loves it and calls it a “picky plate”. I will add bits of cut-up fruit like melon/grapes, cubes of cheese, a little pack of Organix crackers, a few chocolate drops, and some cucumber. for exaimple. She thinks she’s won the snack lottery! LOL

My main tip? Get the kids to eat earlier than 6 if possible. We try to have dinner ready for 5.15 - 5.30 and then will serve a pudding of natural yogurt and strawberries at about 6 to 6.15. I find this combats the hangry whining and stroppyness before it starts, and they’re not hungry in the night or anything.

But how can dh supervise / tidy the toys, whilst working on a helpdesk?

I have same age DC but I have 3 of them, and we had a similar issue with Fridays. I completely changed my mindset and Friday is now pizza night.

We put on the ‘clean up’ song and the kids don’t get pizza until the living room is tidy. We listen to music while we eat and try and make the atmosphere fun. No bathtime on Fridays. We sometimes watch a movie.

OP, gently, you’re going to have to drop your standards regarding mess and toys while your DC are little. I say this as someone who hates a messy house. I’ve had to work hard to not let it stress me out, and I’m so much happier. It’s a short season of life.

He’s 4! Of course he’s going to be bored and make a mess when left to his own devices.

Have a snack box and activity set up for him.
He could have some craft stuff set up for valentines cards next week. Another week it could be a little Lego set. The next week make have a cosy area set up for a film for him.

It will only take a bit of prep the night before.

I’d just go with the lunch box and healthy snacks idea. I don’t think it matters if he has sandwiches twice in one day and it’s only until September (and excludes school holidays). Or at least leave multiple healthy snacks out so your DH can just give them to him instead of unhealthy snacks.

Then you don’t need to think about making his tea, DH can give him his lunch box before you even get home. You can sort yours and DHs tea once the DC are in bed and again make something easy.

The mess is annoying but it sounds like your DHs work is quite busy so unfortunately there’s not much you can do about this. Can he keep the mess to one room?

Ditch the bath, pre cook some pasta or something the night before that can be quickly heated up, store away the toys but leave out a selection (ones without loads of pieces), remember that this is just a phase and it will get easier!

No offense OP but it does sound like you are getting worked up over nothing.
Children play with toys, do you need your house to look like a show home 24/7?

Age 4 you can talk to ds about tidying up as he goes along. When he tips out a toy box when you are home clear it up together. Also perhaps make a special Friday box of things ds can do while daddy is working with things that might occupy him a little bit longer and help him be creative eg colouring, fuzzy felt, building blocks or empty plastic and card boxes, action man, toy cars (,can he build a race track)depend what he is into. Then anything he does positive give him lots of praise when you arrive home

Is the mess in the living room or in his bedroom? Can you leave out just the toys he loves most to minimise the mess if it’s in the living area? If it’s his own bedroom I would ignore and do a Saturday morning clean (depending on your schedules) so that you can do it as a family.

Could he have a hot dinner on Friday at school and then have a picky snack box to eat for dinner when he gets in?

It sounds like you’ve both not fully explored any changes that DH can make to help until Sept.

Have you actually asked him to check with work if he can do compressed hours etc?
If he could get a fixed hour’s break for when they get home, he could give your son a healthy homemade meal from the freezer whilst they chat about their day, and some time to play together or even get pjs on, with him before putting the tv or a film on so DH can finish his working day?

could you try making up a Friday evening toy box to leave out for your son with toys he’s not playing with in the week - put away those that make the most mess - explain it to your son in advance

You could make a healthy snack plate for him to have when he gets home.

What time do you get back with DD?

Everyone is tired on a Friday.

DH is being a bit shit if he refuses to commit to a finish time

Seems a bit OTT to me. It's just making dinner and giving the kids a bath.

When dh logs off, does he do the toy tidying / bath time etc with you? Or does he go off and do something for himself?

Is ds whining about Friday dinner because he is full from the snacking?

If so, then just skip the meal - offer a bowl of porridge 30mins before bedtime.

Any chance you can shorten your hours on a Friday so you can bring both children home and look after them?

If DH was office based you’d have to find a different solution. I think it’s not working for anyone at the moment so you need to change things.

Someone suggested getting a babysitter. That’s a really good idea. They could collect DS, bring him home and play with him until you get in. Maybe a trip to the playground so he’s playing outside might help too.

Or, you could accept this is just how things are for the next couple of years.

I actually really feel for your DH as he’s working but also got to keep an ear out for DS. That’s not fair on him or his employers.