To hate Friday evenings

Just to say…it’s ok to find it hard and boring and unfair and stressful sometimes because it is. It’s ok to have days where you hate parenting. You’re doing a fab job and you clearly care very much about your family. You’re in a particularly rough patch and I feel like what you need is a bit of sympathy rather than judgy women telling you that it’s not that hard. It’s bloody hard work!!!

Same at my DCs school - they have stopped doing Fridays as it seems most parents either one doesn’t work Friday or wfh and they stopped running with only 4 or 5 taking up the spaces.

i have friends using college students to cover the 2 hours 3-5 on a Friday. They are responsible girls who live in the neighbourhood and as it’s a Friday they don’t have to complete their homework. They finish college, drive home, walk to collect the kids and walk them back to the parents house. Hang out, play and do homework. So far has worked great although they will be off to uni next year so already looking at replacements (one has a younger sibling who is interested in taking over though!)

we are lucky as we are a small village with a college near by and the girls luckily have free periods last period on a Friday although if they do have to stay at college for anything - parent picks up and they arrive as soon as they can to take over.

And I think a 4 year old should be able to occupy themselves for an hour.

Was this an after school club run by the school? I am surprised they didn't have enough numbers, our after school club is always busy!

I'm not surprised at all! Our school has never had after school club on a Friday-nobody wanted it!

OP, what is the carnage that DS is making? If it's lots of little toys upended and mixed in with each other (mine used to do this) then I'd stash away some of those to make tidying up easier-it can all go into one of you box then. I would have a word with DS as well-explain it would be so helpful for mummy and daddy if we can all help today (and not make a huge mess)-I'd try a sticker chart. How long is he playing alone for till you come in/DH finishes work?

Ok, you've posted for advice, so here goes.
Firstly, you won't have "down time" on a Friday because you've got 2 young children - but just see this as temporary. It gets better.
Secondly, your DH is working. He should not be supervising a 4 year old, that's not fair on him, and that's often why people are critical of those who wfh.
I've no idea why everyone is miserable. Can another parent pick up DS and look after him for an hour or two if you offer to pay?

Can you set up a 'high value' activity for your son to do when he gets home so that he feels like he's having a treat when he gets home rather than being frustrated and ignored? Then it would direct his attention, keep him occupied, take the pressure off both of you, and hopefully reduce the mess all in one?

A lego challenge, treasure hunt, coded message to crack - whatever he likes and would be appealing to him.

Annoyingly, whenever I've found a stress point unbearable, it's always turned out that a bit more prep and organisation on the part of the adults has been the solution. 😜😂

Does dh clean up once he gets off work? What does he do on a Friday evening.
what times does he finish and what time do you arrive home ?
Once through the door I’d be doing very little untill dh got off work .
Ask him to give your ds a chopped apple and carrot to snack on .
Could you make Friday night fish and chips night and bring it home with you.
You are going to have to change a few things but also your mind set.
Make Saturday or Sunday the new Friday !

Advertise for someone to come and be with your child to play with them and keep them company until your DH finishes work or you get home.

If it's just for a couple of hours in your home they don't need to be a registered childminder or nanny. Your DH is also going to be there but working.

Possibly a 6th form or college student or an older person looking for a little bit of ad hoc work?

They might need to be over 18 to collect him but potentially your DH can still do that bit.

I think you either need to get proactive on a solution that can work for you or relax a bit about the mess etc on a Friday.

No it can be solved by your DH pulling his finger out and tidying up
All the " drop your standards " crap gets right on my nerves
I would go ballistic if I walked in to that

He is WORKING?! He's already trying to manage a 4 year old whilst working. How bloody ridiculous that you'd go m ballistic at your DH (or your child) for this.

So you get home at 4?

Yes, didn't see this before I posted. This is exactly what I mean.

Have you actually asked any other parent about a playdate? You say no one else is in the same situation but you don't need to focus on it being all about childcare. See if any parent can take him Friday and you take their kid another night.
You seem to be ignoring this suggestion and the idea of finding a babysitter.

Rather than snacks, I would make DS up a plate of cold stuff for his tea to eat at 4pm while his Dad is working and keeping half an eye on him. Cold chicken, chopped cherry tomatoes and cucumber, hummus and breadsticks or whatever. If it's pre prepped in the morning it's quicker than snacks and then he'll have a nutritious dinner at least, and that's sorted before you come home. You could do the same for your DD then feed her when you get in but at least one child is sorted then and not filling up on rubbish.

See if you can get a childminder to do pick-up if it’s upsetting you

I don’t think a 4 year old watching TV with snacks is that bad. I’d have a really easy tea that you can bung in the oven or pasta pesto.

Open a bottle of wine and order a takeaway for when they’re in bed.

I take back my enthusiasm post having now seen this. I find it does help to just stare the doom of my hell day in the face and accept it: because it’s the hope that kills ya. One day the DC will be old enough to appreciate the joys of an Indian takeaway, and Friday nights will be a thing of joy and beauty and jalfrezi. Until then, quietly flipping the Vs under the kitchen counter while making tea and despairing at the whingeing is a good way to blood-let the feelings without harm.

and have to cajole DS into having a healthy dinner

I'd make Friday dinner a fun "eat what they like" (with some boundaries!) and big it up as exciting and joyful until September

The children can help with clearing up because it needs sorting before fun starts

Could you make them a “picnic tea” as I used to call it? Like a large packed lunch, especially if they’ve had a cooked lunch at nursery/school. Put it in the fridge then dh can just grab it out and they can live their best lives with a Friday living room picnic infront of the tv? Just once a week while needs must.

Maybe it would be a good idea to have a toy sort out, he can only play with so much at a time. Stick the ‘small stuff’ that makes the most mess out of reach on a Friday and make it a special weekend treat to bring out the ‘bits’ I know toys make a mess but to be honest with a few big tubs a whole floor can be spotless in five minutes.

Has your husband actually tried to put in a flexible working request to finish earlier on a Friday in writing? The employer would need to review and see if they can adapt working schedules for the team but do need to take the flexible working request into consideration

We had this problem in Covid that my 4 and 6 year old had to get on with playing on days when I was at work husband wfh but used to have 2 hour meetings where they had ti keep busy.
I used to
Buy snacks at start of week ready for those days and vary it so they were excited
Had an activity ready that they'd like and not too messy

No. Yours. When are you going ballistic and why?

No Is your reading comprehension really poor ?

OP - I worked in a preschool, so I know toy carnage 😂

And I know how quickly it can be cleared up.

Op it sounds like your DS needs after school care
He's 4
It's not fair on anyone and if your DH is working , it's not really safe
Is there a CM who could pick him up on Fridays then you collect both on the way home from work?

So you would go ballistic at him after he's finished working, for not tidying up while he was working?