Page 2 | To hate Friday evenings

toastbutterjamandtea · 2025-02-08T08:04:35+00:00

We have two children, DS(4) and DD (2). DS used to go to an after school club twice a week with me picking up the other three days. On Fridays this club has now stopped due to lack of intake. This isn’t as bad as it could have been because DH usually works from home Fridays but now it means he has to rush out to get DS then carries on working while DS watches TV. He gets bored, demands snacks (which DH gives to him which I do understand because he’s still working) and then starts messing around and messing the lounge and toy area up. So I have to get DD from nursery and she’s always at her most clingy and demanding then walk through the door and have to cajole DS into having a healthy dinner and have an absolute tip. Then DS is always stroppy and difficult at bath time. I have changed my work hours in light of this but I can’t do so until September. So right now I HATE Fridays!

PoppysAunt · 08/02/2025 12:22

toastbutterjamandtea · 08/02/2025 12:18

@PoppysAunt - this is getting a little bit tedious. Neighbours don’t magically pop up eager to care for unwell children. If we moved to a city or town amazing yes we could have a childminder but that advantage would be offset by a school that wouldn’t be as good and having to resettle DS.

I can honestly say that DH and I are rarely ill and certainly have never been so unwell that a neighbour has been needed and while I believe I am very laid back as a rule compared to most MNetters i wouldn’t just be handing my children over to people purely on merit of the fact they live close by. That’s not a criticism: you know the people who cared for your child.

Anyway I think when I’m having to justify not putting the house on the market, buying a new one, moving DS school and DD’s nursery because of the next however many Fridays until July the thread is peak MN.

I agree it's getting tedious.
If you can't see the benefit of having neighbours that you get to know, any kind of local community or even students, retired people or teenagers looking for babysitting work then that's fine.
Your choice. Your life.
Good luck moving forward.

Cakeandusername · 08/02/2025 12:21

It doesn’t sound workable and I’m surprised dh work ok with him having some care of a 4 yr old and working on a help desk.
What about a babysitter who comes to house?
A sensible teen to play with ds £20 well spent. DH still in house with them.

Original poster

toastbutterjamandtea · 08/02/2025 12:19

@YouveGotAFastCar no, he’s fine with an activity. It’s when he’s trying to get DHs attention but can’t. And like many children is much nicer to other adults than his own parents!

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TheSidewinderSleepsTonite · 08/02/2025 12:19

toastbutterjamandtea · 08/02/2025 08:37

@KarmenPQZ there is an element of both! I do accept he’s playing but it can be frustrating when eg he empties an entire tray of toys to get the one he wants. He also kicked a box over yesterday because he was frustrated about something. It’s a bad time - he’s tired and stroppy and then feels ignored by DH so ups the ante if you like. I am not blaming him or DH, just explaining what I walk into!

He sounds like a normal 4 year old though, op. Mine are 4.5 and 2, and sometimes tip all the boxes out to make stepping stones etc. Is it a mess? Yes. But they're just playing. Make your life easier. Accept the mess, do an oven tea and give you and your DH a break.

Original poster

toastbutterjamandtea · 08/02/2025 12:18

@PoppysAunt - this is getting a little bit tedious. Neighbours don’t magically pop up eager to care for unwell children. If we moved to a city or town amazing yes we could have a childminder but that advantage would be offset by a school that wouldn’t be as good and having to resettle DS.

I can honestly say that DH and I are rarely ill and certainly have never been so unwell that a neighbour has been needed and while I believe I am very laid back as a rule compared to most MNetters i wouldn’t just be handing my children over to people purely on merit of the fact they live close by. That’s not a criticism: you know the people who cared for your child.

Anyway I think when I’m having to justify not putting the house on the market, buying a new one, moving DS school and DD’s nursery because of the next however many Fridays until July the thread is peak MN.

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YouveGotAFastCar · 08/02/2025 12:17

Eh, I can appreciate the moan; I hate walking into a bombsite too.

I’ve found it easier by forcing myself to chill about it; though. My DS is three and knows we tidy up before dinner, so he’ll do a (somewhat half hearted sometimes) tidy up of the main toys, and anything that’s just been poured out goes into a storage box… and then whoever doesn't do bedtime sorts that and the rest of the tidying/loading dishwasher/etc, during bedtime.

I think Fridays are probably feeling a lot worse for you because it sounds like you had a lovely 90 minutes or so with a Maccies and a book and then a change you didn’t make has led to it being more chaotic, but it’ll become normal before long and you won’t resent it as much. And it sounds like it was a good thing while it lasted!

if DS is tired and grumpy after school, was he not a nightmare during/after after school club?

PoppysAunt · 08/02/2025 12:13

toastbutterjamandtea · 08/02/2025 12:10

Well, what would we do if one of us was ill and lived in a city? I’m not meaning that facetiously - I genuinely don’t think it’s relevant. Yes, we’re remote but that has as many benefits as drawbacks and it’s not as if we’d magically have a lovely support network in a town.

You'd have a childminder near by. You'd have a babysitter. You'd have a student who could do a couple of hours.
If one of you was ill and you lived in a city, or even in a village with neighbours you'd have someone to call on, someone to help.
I live in a quiet semi rural location. My neighbours had to call an ambulance for their asthmatic son. They asked me to sit with their little girl while they were gone. That's the beauty of having neighbours.
It's not magical.
It's practical.

JimHalpertsWife · 08/02/2025 12:12

toastbutterjamandtea · 08/02/2025 12:10

No - I am a teacher so it isn’t needed then.

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What happens on the days you pick ds up from school - do you work shorter days then?

Original poster

toastbutterjamandtea · 08/02/2025 12:10

Moonnstars · 08/02/2025 12:05

What is your arrangement in the school holidays? Do you alternate leave to cover every week? As whatever provision you use then, is that available?

No - I am a teacher so it isn’t needed then.

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Original poster

toastbutterjamandtea · 08/02/2025 12:10

Well, what would we do if one of us was ill and lived in a city? I’m not meaning that facetiously - I genuinely don’t think it’s relevant. Yes, we’re remote but that has as many benefits as drawbacks and it’s not as if we’d magically have a lovely support network in a town.

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PoppysAunt · 08/02/2025 12:08

toastbutterjamandtea · 08/02/2025 12:02

I am really happy with where we live @PoppysAunt . We moved here because we had children!

Ok, that's nice, but you can see how it's limiting your support network?
What would you do if one of you was ill?

Moonnstars · 08/02/2025 12:05

What is your arrangement in the school holidays? Do you alternate leave to cover every week? As whatever provision you use then, is that available?

Original poster

toastbutterjamandtea · 08/02/2025 12:02

I am really happy with where we live @PoppysAunt . We moved here because we had children!

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Original poster

toastbutterjamandtea · 08/02/2025 12:01

To be fair it’s a tricky time of day anyway. I hate the 3-6 doom shift. But it’s easier on the days when DS is in wraparound or I’m not working.

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PoppysAunt · 08/02/2025 11:55

toastbutterjamandtea · 08/02/2025 11:49

@PoppysAunt - if DH had to be in the office and we had no after school care then I would have had to hand in my notice. No other option, apart from changing DS’s school which would be the other possibility. I don’t know which; DH and I would have talked about it and worked something out. As it is, we’re muddling through until summer.

You seem to live in a very remote area and are lacking in a reliable source of childcare.
What did you consider before you had children? This will continue to be a problem, so what have you discussed about the future? If there's literally no childminder or babysitter available at all, you're working and the DH working, then something has to give.
There's no point in everyone being so unhappy.

Daisymae23 · 08/02/2025 11:51

toastbutterjamandtea · 08/02/2025 11:34

@Daisymae23 - I think the thread has become a bit circular is the problem. I do try to make things as easy as I can but ultimately I still have to feed a child, deal with grumpiness from everyone (inc me 🤣) and clear up.

There is no way we’d reliably be able to get a babysitter. We live in the arse end of nowhere and the nearest neighbour is a five minute drive away and lives on a farm which is why the ‘oh just get a play date doesn’t work. I do make tea as simple as I can but DS has never eaten well - he isn’t picky but always takes a certain amount of cajoling and bribery and nagging to eat. So if you make him a sandwich he just nibbles the filling. And everyone saying it doesn’t matter - yes it blinking does because when hungry he’s horrible!

It really was just whinge about a part of the week I find very stressful and sets a poor tone for the weekend. Hopefully next year will be different. In the meantime there is chocolate and wine and summer is coming …

Good luck with however you decide to approach it and it’s perfectly fine to have a whinge! Hopefully you have some mum friends you can have a wine and whinge with?

And based on this thread I think some people would be horrified as to how I approach the post nursery, before bed time hours but it works for me so I’m keeping myself to myself! 🫣

InDogweRust · 08/02/2025 11:51

I am not surprised op, its very common for asc to not open on a friday. Employers often make part timers have fridays off, and its common for companies to have shorter friday hours/early finishes on Friday, especially in summer.

Can you ask around and see if you could pay a local teen could come for a couple of hours, to just get him an easy tea (fish fingers & chips in the air fryer etc) and occupy him for a couple of hours?

Original poster

toastbutterjamandtea · 08/02/2025 11:49

@PoppysAunt - if DH had to be in the office and we had no after school care then I would have had to hand in my notice. No other option, apart from changing DS’s school which would be the other possibility. I don’t know which; DH and I would have talked about it and worked something out. As it is, we’re muddling through until summer.

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Ddakji · 08/02/2025 11:49

toastbutterjamandtea · 08/02/2025 11:46

I’d have had to resign form my job. I’m well aware he’s working- it doesn’t mean it’s easy to deal with!

But you’re clearly still annoyed that he’s not “present”. But he can’t be - he’s working, that’s that.

So look at it this way - because he’s working from home you don’t have to resign. Yes, he can’t look after your 4 year old, but you still have your job and your DS is safe.

PoppysAunt · 08/02/2025 11:47

Ddakji · 08/02/2025 11:44

He’s shut away from it all because he’s working! It’s not possible to work and look after a 4 year old so the mindset that he can needs to change. What would you do if he was working in an office on Fridays?

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Quite. They'd have to sort something out if he was a teacher or a similar demanding, inflexible job. Just because he's wfh doesn't make it ok.

Original poster

toastbutterjamandtea · 08/02/2025 11:46

I’d have had to resign form my job. I’m well aware he’s working- it doesn’t mean it’s easy to deal with!

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Ddakji · 08/02/2025 11:44

toastbutterjamandtea · 08/02/2025 11:40

DS is grumpy because he’s been ignored for an hour and a half and is bored

DD is grumpy because she’s been at nursery and is tired and fretful as she misses me (we’re at a clingy stage)

DH is grumpy because he’s been trying to work while DS has been trying to get his attention

I am grumpy because the house is a tip, I’m carrying a grumpy toddler around, DS is stroppy and difficult and DH is shut away from it all!

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He’s shut away from it all because he’s working! It’s not possible to work and look after a 4 year old so the mindset that he can needs to change. What would you do if he was working in an office on Fridays?

PoppysAunt · 08/02/2025 11:44

Well, you've been given some good suggestions here. I think at the very least you and DH need to work out how to care for your son while the DH works. A negative family mood every Friday sounds awful.

Original poster

toastbutterjamandtea · 08/02/2025 11:40

PoppysAunt · 08/02/2025 11:35

I don't know why everyone is grumpy, though?

DS is grumpy because he’s been ignored for an hour and a half and is bored

DD is grumpy because she’s been at nursery and is tired and fretful as she misses me (we’re at a clingy stage)

DH is grumpy because he’s been trying to work while DS has been trying to get his attention

I am grumpy because the house is a tip, I’m carrying a grumpy toddler around, DS is stroppy and difficult and DH is shut away from it all!

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Moonnstars · 08/02/2025 11:40

toastbutterjamandtea · 08/02/2025 11:34

@Daisymae23 - I think the thread has become a bit circular is the problem. I do try to make things as easy as I can but ultimately I still have to feed a child, deal with grumpiness from everyone (inc me 🤣) and clear up.

There is no way we’d reliably be able to get a babysitter. We live in the arse end of nowhere and the nearest neighbour is a five minute drive away and lives on a farm which is why the ‘oh just get a play date doesn’t work. I do make tea as simple as I can but DS has never eaten well - he isn’t picky but always takes a certain amount of cajoling and bribery and nagging to eat. So if you make him a sandwich he just nibbles the filling. And everyone saying it doesn’t matter - yes it blinking does because when hungry he’s horrible!

It really was just whinge about a part of the week I find very stressful and sets a poor tone for the weekend. Hopefully next year will be different. In the meantime there is chocolate and wine and summer is coming …

The play date could work as they could go to someone's house (nearer the school) and you pick them up from their and take back to your house in the middle of nowhere.
Same with advertising for a mothers help. I can't believe there is no one at all that could be interested, especially if paying them.

I have also become a little confused in timings, how long is the child being supervised for with dad til you get home? It sounds like it's only an hour so really TV and snacks could be the plan