I just don't want to have sex tonight

Sometimes I can't be arsed having sex. I'm tired and want to sleep.

Doesn't mean to say I don't fancy my husband. I don't understand this expectation that you should always want sex. Sometimes I'd rather sleep. Is that so bad?

I think @valid8me is trying to understand if there are other maritial issues going on causing it, I dont think its very fair the way other posters are reacting. It sounds like OP doesn't want to at all and even once a week is too much which in respect of OP that is of course her choice. But has it always been like this? Has something changed if he was not as grumpy and perhaps did something that makes her happy and gives her joy would she be then more inclined? Sex is only one part of a relationship but it sounds as though there are wider issues. Of course sex should never be a chore and you should never feel as though you have to do it just to please a partner but its always important to look at the bigger picture to see why perhaps OP isnt sounding happy in her relationship with this grumpy man.

Sounds like a totally shit relationship.

No is a valid answer but why not is a valid question?

Cant be asked? Too tired? Dont fancy him anymore? All valid reasons

If a woman came on here and said my husband said no to having sex without a reason then the first thing that everyone here assumes is hes having an affair.

I agree.
Is this a one off OP? Is it a phase? Do you think your feelings towards your husband have changed completely?
It’s a valid question that she needs to really consider.

Do you like him? Do you enjoy being married to him?

"I don't want to" is a completely valid reason. Sometimes you just don't fucking want to, man or woman, married or single, young or old "I don't want to" needs absolutely no further explanation.

The current situation sounds horribly off putting and borderline coercive so I don’t blame you for shuddering at the thought.

But are you attracted to him? Did you enjoy sex with him in the past?

I once had an ex like your husband i couldnt stand it in the end and kicked him out.
I think when sex becomes a chore its not sex its just another job on the list i dont want to do.
Tbh id rather clean up than do it.
Thankfully im single and its staying that way.

Of course no one should have sex they don't want.
It is also valid to ask why don't you want to have sex?
What is going on in the relationship? Sex is a normal and healthy part of most relationships and if one person isn't feeling it, then that deserves exploring. And not when either person is feeling grumpy from refusal or grumpy from feeling put upon.

As Paloma Faith said recently (when asked what turned her on):

"People that understand that foreplay is more about what you talk about in a whole day and how you treat each other in a whole day."

She’s 💯 correct!!

Why are you together?

Fair and right to say NO.

Husband should accept it and say that he is disappointed and sad, without being grumpy towards you.

If you are saying NO a lot over many weeks and your sex life is not good it might be time to focus on why?
Do you cherish a healthy intimate realtionship with your husband long term?
Do you need to spend more quality time with your husband?
Do you need more time to yourself to recharge your energy and delight in life?

A good enjoyable sex life should be sustainable. It is important that you both prioritise time and energy for sex for a long term happy marriage.
It is also more important that you treat each other with respect - respectful language, listening, touch and communication.

This is the reason I left my last boyfriend. I couldn't be arsed with sex due to menopause and basically ended up just doing it anyway to keep the peace.

Eventually I thought no I'm not up for this ant more it's uncomfortable and I'm not in the mood, told him and got the grumps from him. Pathetic.

Who needs an entitled man telling them what they expect from you. That their 'needs' trump your wishes in this matter. Pathetic men and their pathetic sausages.

I feel a lot better single!

Not wanting to is valid enough. She doesn’t want to nothing else matters

Most people always want to have sex every single time? That just isn't true.

The reason is irrelevant, she might just not fancy it tonight which is fair enough.

It's not even about the sex. Why are you still married to a man who is grumpy all the time. I wouldn't want to have sex with him - I wouldn't want to spend 10 minutes having a cup of tea with him

Tell him there is nothing more off-putting than a grumpy man. Cheer up a bit and perhaps my libido will too.

say no tonight

She doesn’t need a ‘valid reason’ to not want to have sex. Sometimes people just don’t fancy it. All reasons for not wanting to have sex are ‘valid’. Nobody wants to have sex all the time and, on the occasions that they don’t, no it isn’t ’reasonable to wonder why’.

I very much disagree with your assertions that you are neither lacking in empathy nor stupid.

There was a similar post about a week ago, I think the poster had just had a baby as well and her husband was coercing her. What is wrong with some men?
He's not entitled to your body and he doesn't respect you if he thinks otherwise.
Of course you don't fancy a nagging sex pest.

Coercing someone into sex is a crime that could see him put on the sex offenders register. Remind the rapey fucker of that OP.
It shouldn't need saying, but you don't owe him sex. If you want to say no, please say no. Are you safe if you say no or is he a physical threat?

Tell him to fuck off

What the actual fuck?

But the reason is irrelevant. She doesn't want to.

No is a complete sentence. Are you the grumpy husband?

Ita a valid question as far as I am concerned.
Nobody should be having sex that they don't want to obviously, we all have the right to say no but most people would actually want to have sex with their husband/wife/partner and if not, then it's reasonable to wonder why.

Maybe the OP has a valid reason but she hasn't mentioned one.

And no, I am not lacking in empathy nor am I stupid so go and be astounded somewhere else.