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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

What do you need more of in your life?

85 replies

FashionCrazy · 07/02/2025 20:18

For me it's people.
Other than partner and kids , I have 2 family members, Mum and sister, and we live so far apart we rarely speak or meet up. We have nothing in common.
I have 3 friends I see every month or so.
I'm envious of people that come from big loving families.
I can go for days without speaking to anyone outside of my household. I used to be quite a sociable person. Now I have no confidence.
Loneliness sucks.

OP posts:
LeaveALittleNote · 07/02/2025 22:41

Massages

PerambulationFrustration · 07/02/2025 22:39

Money

GhostInTheWashingMachine · 07/02/2025 22:39

Love
People (dreading the weekend as I probably won't speak to anyone in person except a cashier or two, with luck)
Hugs
Self-confidence

Original poster
FashionCrazy · 07/02/2025 22:28

Errors · 07/02/2025 21:19

Maybe we both need to work on our self esteem 🙂

Show quote history

I used to have some. But I guess as the saying goes if you dont use it, you lose it

OP posts:
Netcam · 07/02/2025 22:22

An extra day at the weekend. I'm happy working 5 days, but would love 3 day weekends in between. Enough time to rest, do the inevitable chores and then a day of fun stuff. Really it would be nice if weeks were 8 days rather than 7.

coldscottishmum · 07/02/2025 22:19

Boundaries.
My biggest issue is I just don’t have any. People walk all over me all the time.

Winterscoming77 · 07/02/2025 22:17

Thepeopleversuswork · 07/02/2025 21:29

A minute of the day without people asking me to do things for them.

There isn't a minute in my waking day when someone doesn't want something from me of one sort or another. Money, time, attention.

My daughter (she's a teen so it goes with the territory)
My bosses and direct reports and the endless admin of work, much of which is pointless
The bank: endless forms to fill in relating to my remortgage
HMRC
People trying to sell me things (TV channels, a holiday, a pension, a garden makeover, a subscription to a newspaper)
My daughter's school: endless demands for money for trips, signatures for consent forms, requests for volunteering, GCSE and D of E related stuff
The council: obscure dictates relating to waste management
My ex: requests for me to manage meetings with our daughter and do all the admin around it
Even friends (albeit in a benign way): seeking confirmation for invitations, WhatsApp threads etc.
My partner texting me when he knows I'm working to ask what's in the fridge

On and on it goes...

I'm the kind of person who likes being busy so much of this is of my own making and I wouldn't want to be doing nothing but its just relentless at the moment. I just crave a ten minute period without someone saying: "can you just..." There's no "just" about it. It's another demand on my time.

I lay on my bed today and one of my teens came in and I said ‘do you want something from me, cos if you do I have nothing left to give’

I feel this!!!

XenoBitch · 07/02/2025 22:14

Money
Family that care.
More years of life for my dog. They never live long enough.

Patterncarmen · 07/02/2025 22:09

LillyPJ · 07/02/2025 21:21

If you like the outdoors and are reasonably fit, I recommend joining Ramblers and going walking. It's a great way to meet people without too much pressure to chat if you don't want to, and being active and outdoors is really good for your mind and body.

Show quote history

Excellent advice.

Dappy777 · 07/02/2025 22:09

Space and silence and nature.

Sadly my local woods have been hacked down and replaced with a housing estate, and now the fields in the centre of the village are going to have 200 disgusting rabbit hutch ‘houses’ jammed on top of one another. Everywhere I go the countryside is being spoiled by houses and flats. The traffic is awful, and at night I’m often woken by the screeching of boy racer cars and their noisy exhausts. I just wish there weren’t so many people.

Patterncarmen · 07/02/2025 22:05

FashionCrazy · 07/02/2025 21:16

I'm 40s too. I don't even think I'd have the confidence to join a group. I just think people would find me uninteresting and no one would want to spend time with me anyway.

Show quote history

See, I don’t think that is true. I think that people would find you really lovely to spend time with. I might encourage you to join something and see how it goes. I wish you well.

longtompot · 07/02/2025 21:45

Sleep

Motivation - to eat sensibly, drink moderately, and exercise more...well at all, not just the slow dog amble

Money

And a bit like you op, a good friend who wants to spend time with me not say that we will meet up once a month for coffee and not even be able to do that

sassyduck · 07/02/2025 21:34

Sex and some friends would be nice.

Thepeopleversuswork · 07/02/2025 21:29

A minute of the day without people asking me to do things for them.

There isn't a minute in my waking day when someone doesn't want something from me of one sort or another. Money, time, attention.

My daughter (she's a teen so it goes with the territory)
My bosses and direct reports and the endless admin of work, much of which is pointless
The bank: endless forms to fill in relating to my remortgage
HMRC
People trying to sell me things (TV channels, a holiday, a pension, a garden makeover, a subscription to a newspaper)
My daughter's school: endless demands for money for trips, signatures for consent forms, requests for volunteering, GCSE and D of E related stuff
The council: obscure dictates relating to waste management
My ex: requests for me to manage meetings with our daughter and do all the admin around it
Even friends (albeit in a benign way): seeking confirmation for invitations, WhatsApp threads etc.
My partner texting me when he knows I'm working to ask what's in the fridge

On and on it goes...

I'm the kind of person who likes being busy so much of this is of my own making and I wouldn't want to be doing nothing but its just relentless at the moment. I just crave a ten minute period without someone saying: "can you just..." There's no "just" about it. It's another demand on my time.

overthinkersanonnymus · 07/02/2025 21:26

Money
Job satisfaction
Laughs
Metabolism
Bedding

BountifulPantry · 07/02/2025 21:25

I think that loneliness is really hard. It’s all well and good me saying go to meet up groups classes volunteering etc. Because if you have low self esteem then you’ll struggle with that.

I’m not sure what the answer is, but sending love to the lonely people on this thread

pimplebum · 07/02/2025 21:25

Peace of mind
money - I’m not greedy I’d just like enough to replace all the broken appliances , car parts mattress thats 20 years old and pay for tutoring and therapy for my sen kids

InvisibilityCloakActivated · 07/02/2025 21:24

Time
Money
Energy
Staff (chef, cleaner, housekeeper, PA to deal with general admin, gardener...)
Books
Self control/will power

LillyPJ · 07/02/2025 21:21

Errors · 07/02/2025 21:13

It’s very tough. I really want to do something about it but not sure where to start. I joined a group called Meet up but haven’t been able to bring myself to go to anything yet. I’m only in my 40s as well. I don’t think life should be like this. I feel so isolated.

Show quote history

If you like the outdoors and are reasonably fit, I recommend joining Ramblers and going walking. It's a great way to meet people without too much pressure to chat if you don't want to, and being active and outdoors is really good for your mind and body.

Hollowvoice · 07/02/2025 21:21

Energy

The day to day is just so hard right now I'm finding it difficult to do anything else.
My get up and go has got up and went!

Errors · 07/02/2025 21:19

FashionCrazy · 07/02/2025 21:16

I'm 40s too. I don't even think I'd have the confidence to join a group. I just think people would find me uninteresting and no one would want to spend time with me anyway.

Show quote history

Maybe we both need to work on our self esteem 🙂

Wavescrashingonthebeach · 07/02/2025 21:18

Lookingafterthepennies · 07/02/2025 21:14

Energy
Sleep
Motivation
Time with my parents
Help with the housework

Snap x

LillyPJ · 07/02/2025 21:16

Errors · 07/02/2025 20:56

I am lonely too. I live alone and work from home. I don’t see enough people and I don’t have a partner

I'm sorry to read that. When people talk about the benefits of WFH, I think of all the friends, my husband, acquaintances etc I met through work. It's not easy to make friends elsewhere. I hope things get better for you.

Original poster
FashionCrazy · 07/02/2025 21:16

Errors · 07/02/2025 21:13

It’s very tough. I really want to do something about it but not sure where to start. I joined a group called Meet up but haven’t been able to bring myself to go to anything yet. I’m only in my 40s as well. I don’t think life should be like this. I feel so isolated.

Show quote history

I'm 40s too. I don't even think I'd have the confidence to join a group. I just think people would find me uninteresting and no one would want to spend time with me anyway.

OP posts:
Lookingafterthepennies · 07/02/2025 21:14

Energy
Sleep
Motivation
Time with my parents
Help with the housework