Page 2 | To hire a cleaner when working PT?

PineMarti · 2025-02-07T18:51:50+00:00

I work 32 hours a week (7-3, 4 days a week) and have one weekday off. Originally the idea was my day off (Friday) would be the day I get on top of stuff at home. I normally do the weekly shop, clean the bathroom, get on top of the laundry etc. But actually I have found it’s great to have a few kid free hours to do things like go for a haircut, get gifts/do wrapping if we have things coming up, so sometimes I don’t get everything done. It really is easier. I suggested we get a cleaner. just a few hours every other week to do things like blitz the bathroom and do a good mop.. DHs reply was “I am NOT paying for a cleaner when there’s a day you can so those things at home” Just to give you an idea of my week: I technically work 7- 3.30 but take my lunch break at the end of shift and leave to get the kids (nursery and KS1 ages) so often I don’t have lunch. I drive the 45 minutes home, feed them, bathe them, homework, bedtime all before DH is home. I am knackered before he has even stepped through the door (and hangry 😂) I have one evening a week where I go to the gym 7-9 and he does bedtimes. Am I being really selfish or would you get a cleaner in these circumstances?

Loveumagenta · 07/02/2025 20:32

Get a cleaner. Stop picking up after your DH like he’s a toddler.
my FT hours are 34 a week BTW.
I LOVE coming home to a clean house once a week AND life is too short to want bathroom floors if you don’t have to.
I used to be a cleaner. Still fucking hate cleaning.

crankytoes · 07/02/2025 20:29

ApiratesaysYarrr · 07/02/2025 19:37

I'm in 2 minds here. Yes, it would be nice to have a cleaner (and it's not going to put you into financial hardship), but you've actually shifted the goalposts from your previous agreement with your husband. You'd both agreed that you would reduce your hours to help with household stuff, and now you are saying that you want to have self care time ( as well as family admin, I mean, how long does it take to choose some gifts in this day and age when you can do so much online?) in that as well and pay someone else to do household tasks. There is nothing wrong with you doing that inherently, but that's not what the two of you agreed, is it?

If the positions were reversed and it was a wife posting about how her husband had agreed to drop one day work so that they could get on top of household stuff but was suggesting a cleaner, you'd get some different answers

Also, if you start work at 7, who is taking your kids to nursery/daycare? If your husband is doing all the drop offs and you are doing all the pick ups, that would fit with your work patterns. Although your husband works what sounds like long hours, it doesn't mean that in 1 day you have to do 100% of the housework

You've made up quite a lot of stuff here 🫤
They didn't agree to her dropping a day so she could do housework. She increased a day from 3-4 days when their youngest went to nursery/school

There was not some big negotiation that involved her dropping days to do the housework. Where did you get that from?

She leaves home at 5:45. She finishes when the dc are in bed. Four days a week. That's a full week
The fifth day is doing the afternoon child stuff and domestic admin including shopping. How would she get the whole week's worth of housework done around that.

He doesn't even put his clothes away 😑

daysfilledwithdappledlight · 07/02/2025 20:13

You shouldn't have to justify having a cleaner - all it comes down to is if you can afford it - which you can!

Again, if you can afford it, why not outsource the jobs that you can. Time is the biggest luxury in life and good for you trying to prioritise how you spend it.

People that don't work at all don't justify having cleaners if they want them, but hearing the work you do and the hours that you put in I can't understand why anyone would resent you delegating one household task a fortnight.

Hope you win this battle so you're carrying one less load!

MinnieMountain · 07/02/2025 20:11

I work 21 hours a week, DH works FT. We have a cleaner. We can afford it, so why not?

lazyarse123 · 07/02/2025 20:06

Stop putting his clothes away for a start. His big man job is not more important or tiring than your essential job.
He's being an arse if that wasn't clear.

zoemum2006 · 07/02/2025 20:05

I think your DH is taking the mick! Why does he get away with not doing anything?

It sounds like the housework/ kids should be split 60/40. You having one extra day a week doesn't give him complete abdication from domestic responsibilities (if he wants that he CAN pay for it!!)

Retrospeaker · 07/02/2025 20:00

I work three days a week, have one day with DS (3.5) and one by myself and I have a cleaner every fortnight. I bloody love it. Do it xx

Psychologymam · 07/02/2025 19:59

PineMarti · 07/02/2025 19:12

I don’t mind doing it but I don’t like feeling obliged to do it. He seems to see as a waste of money when I’m at home and could do it?

I would just like to have a few hours to go for a haircut without having to sacrifice a clean bathroom tbh!

Edited

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Look up fair play (designed by psychologists!). It really teases out all the tasks in your life and you look at them and see how you balance them fairly/or outsource them and looks at how much “me time” both of you get as it sounds unbalanced at the moment.
If you can afford a cleaner then why not make life easier?

Techno56 · 07/02/2025 19:59

When I worked part time (I'm full time now and we still do) we had a cleaner because my husband didn't want to take part in keeping the house clean. I have a chronic health condition and it made it hard for me to get everything done without feeling unwell. He didn't want a cleaner either, going into our bedroom etc. He was given two options, clean or have a cleaner. He didn't give an answer so I got a cleaner and I take the money out of his bank account for it too. He got used to it.

FallOfSloths · 07/02/2025 19:55

Can you take youngest out of nursery on Friday? He gets dedicated time with you, and then frees up money for a cleaner?

You need to work on equal free time. If you're day off is now time off for you, then that's fine if DH is getting equal time to himself. Sounds like he may well be if he's not lifting a finger once he's home!

Original poster

PineMarti · 07/02/2025 19:51

I don’t swan around and do anything. I’m a nurse, I don’t think anything is beneath me. Like I’ve said I don’t mind doing it but having a “buffer” is really helpful too.

If I was a mum who never got a hair cut I would be accused of not taking pride in myself and letting myself go (I mean I only go like every 10-12 weeks anyway? It was just an example) jeez.

OP posts:

Ygfrhj · 07/02/2025 19:51

Just get the cleaner. I have no desire to clean my house any more than I want to cut my own hair or sew my own clothes. A good cleaner will do a better and faster job anyway. Also stop picking up after your husband.

RebeccaRedhat · 07/02/2025 19:49

I don't work and I have a cleaner every week!

BIossomtoes · 07/02/2025 19:47

I can’t get over him saying he’s not going to pay for a cleaner. Surely both of you would pay? I’d be tempted to not do any housework for a few weeks and when he eventually notices point out that there’s an obvious solution if he doesn’t want a cleaner - he can do it.

heroinechic · 07/02/2025 19:46

When you said that the original idea was that you would use your day off to get on top of things in the house I assumed that you had dropped a day, but really whether you dropped a day or not was not the point, the point was that you probably feel obliged because you had agreed with him that you would spend that time off getting on top of things.

And I do think that working part time and having a cleaner is an indulgence, especially if your day off is child free. I work part time to look after my DD (and soon to be DS). I get on top of the house around her naps and in my evenings. I would consider getting a cleaner an indulgence because I'm available to do these things.

I can obviously see why you'd rather swan around getting your hair cut, I think we all would, and if you can easily afford it I can also see the temptation, but I can also see why your DH would think it's a waste of money!

Cheeseismyfavourite · 07/02/2025 19:44

I work the exact same hours and days as you and we have a cleaner bi weekly. The littlest is off with me on a Friday though and we do a toddler group.

The other 4 days are a hard slog, doing a full days work then a good 4 hours solo parenting after, club runs homework etc. it also means as you have the children all the time you can’t book any appointments. My husband can just pop here and there afterwork as he doesn’t have the kids.

if you can afford it go for it!

BreezyScroller · 07/02/2025 19:42

All SAHM (the ones who WANT to!) should have a cleaner anyway.

It would help to stop people considering them like housemaids.

Nothing wrong with cleaning, but it's completely irrelevant how many hours you spend in an office.

Original poster

PineMarti · 07/02/2025 19:40

ApiratesaysYarrr · 07/02/2025 19:37

I'm in 2 minds here. Yes, it would be nice to have a cleaner (and it's not going to put you into financial hardship), but you've actually shifted the goalposts from your previous agreement with your husband. You'd both agreed that you would reduce your hours to help with household stuff, and now you are saying that you want to have self care time ( as well as family admin, I mean, how long does it take to choose some gifts in this day and age when you can do so much online?) in that as well and pay someone else to do household tasks. There is nothing wrong with you doing that inherently, but that's not what the two of you agreed, is it?

If the positions were reversed and it was a wife posting about how her husband had agreed to drop one day work so that they could get on top of household stuff but was suggesting a cleaner, you'd get some different answers

Also, if you start work at 7, who is taking your kids to nursery/daycare? If your husband is doing all the drop offs and you are doing all the pick ups, that would fit with your work patterns. Although your husband works what sounds like long hours, it doesn't mean that in 1 day you have to do 100% of the housework

I have already answered a similar post to this. I have actually increased my hours from 3 to 4 days when my youngest went to nursery, so we are financially better.

He does do the school run for two of those days and the other days he drops the kids off with my mum about 7.30 and she takes them to school. I leave the house at 5.45.

OP posts:

BreezyScroller · 07/02/2025 19:40

ApiratesaysYarrr · 07/02/2025 19:37

I'm in 2 minds here. Yes, it would be nice to have a cleaner (and it's not going to put you into financial hardship), but you've actually shifted the goalposts from your previous agreement with your husband. You'd both agreed that you would reduce your hours to help with household stuff, and now you are saying that you want to have self care time ( as well as family admin, I mean, how long does it take to choose some gifts in this day and age when you can do so much online?) in that as well and pay someone else to do household tasks. There is nothing wrong with you doing that inherently, but that's not what the two of you agreed, is it?

If the positions were reversed and it was a wife posting about how her husband had agreed to drop one day work so that they could get on top of household stuff but was suggesting a cleaner, you'd get some different answers

Also, if you start work at 7, who is taking your kids to nursery/daycare? If your husband is doing all the drop offs and you are doing all the pick ups, that would fit with your work patterns. Although your husband works what sounds like long hours, it doesn't mean that in 1 day you have to do 100% of the housework

i see your point, but it's their life, not a race to the bottom.

Yes the OP is freeing some time during the week, and frankly not a lot.
It saves her husband from doing the cleaning himself, and might give them a chance to do something at the weekend, and for him to take a few hours for himself during the weekend - which is only fair.

It will benefit him too

scorpiogirly · 07/02/2025 19:39

To be fair 32 hours is only 5 odd hours off what my workplace classes as full time. So I don't really think you're working part time at all.

avocadotofu · 07/02/2025 19:38

I work three days a week and we have a cleaner and also get our groceries delivered, which is also a big time saver! So, I'd definitely go for it!

BreezyScroller · 07/02/2025 19:38

PineMarti · 07/02/2025 19:24

I feel obliged to do it now because he seems to think it’s some sort of crazy indulgence!

Show quote history

I can't stand people who are being martyr. Pretty much everything is a "crazy indulgence" nowadays, the shame.

Let's all move back into caves with no running water, it's so much more fun to survive miserably, only work to pay the bills with not a penny left for non-essentials.

where do I sign for that wonderful life.

Original poster

PineMarti · 07/02/2025 19:38

Renthorrorshow · 07/02/2025 19:36

I think anything over 30 hours is classed as full time so I would definitely stop referring to yourself as working part time OP! Just wanted to give you a heads up that taking your lunch break at the end of an 8 hour shift probably isn't legal - 6 hours without a break is the max I think - so keep that arrangement as quiet as you can. And definitely get that cleaner! Let the people who actually like doing it and are good at it make some money while you do something more enjoyable.

I do get another 15 minute break earlier in the day 🤣 I think I’d keel over otherwise

OP posts:

ApiratesaysYarrr · 07/02/2025 19:37

I'm in 2 minds here. Yes, it would be nice to have a cleaner (and it's not going to put you into financial hardship), but you've actually shifted the goalposts from your previous agreement with your husband. You'd both agreed that you would reduce your hours to help with household stuff, and now you are saying that you want to have self care time ( as well as family admin, I mean, how long does it take to choose some gifts in this day and age when you can do so much online?) in that as well and pay someone else to do household tasks. There is nothing wrong with you doing that inherently, but that's not what the two of you agreed, is it?

If the positions were reversed and it was a wife posting about how her husband had agreed to drop one day work so that they could get on top of household stuff but was suggesting a cleaner, you'd get some different answers

Also, if you start work at 7, who is taking your kids to nursery/daycare? If your husband is doing all the drop offs and you are doing all the pick ups, that would fit with your work patterns. Although your husband works what sounds like long hours, it doesn't mean that in 1 day you have to do 100% of the housework

Renthorrorshow · 07/02/2025 19:36

I think anything over 30 hours is classed as full time so I would definitely stop referring to yourself as working part time OP! Just wanted to give you a heads up that taking your lunch break at the end of an 8 hour shift probably isn't legal - 6 hours without a break is the max I think - so keep that arrangement as quiet as you can. And definitely get that cleaner! Let the people who actually like doing it and are good at it make some money while you do something more enjoyable.