To think my mum over reacted. Photo attached

How long has the mother been abusive, you think the sink caused that?

Maybe the mother needs to get a speckled one, not a shiny shiny shiny stainless steel one!

It isn't just a sink though, is it? It is something that stands out like a sore thumb if it is never cleaned, and makes the whole kitchen look better if it is. Perhaps you are the sort of person who treads mucky boots over a floor someone has just cleaned? It is, after all, ''only a floor, designed to be walked on''.

I find it hard to understand your attitude. Either you do not know stainless steel sinks, or you do and never bother to clean it until it becomes an eyesore. There is nothing compulsive about keeping an hygienic kitchen.

Weigh up the argument from both sides. I have completely lost sympathy for the OP since she posted.

There is no doubt that the OP knew her DM had cleaned the kitchen and the sink because she makes a point of telling us.

She knew also that just running the tap would undo all the work her mother had done. OP admits to doing that, so it was a deliberate act of provocation.

Why would she do that, knowing her DM would be upset - angry. How far did she push her DM before she lost her cool? Why would she want to make her mother angry?

It is like a toddler banging on a saucepan with a spoon to see how long it takes to make SM cross and take the spoon away, or emptying the bin over the clean floor.

If you know what upsets someone, why do it?

Many responses on this thread criticise the mother. It is a pity she retaliated in the end. I would have walked out and said nothing and cleaned the sink when DD had left. This DM was provoked too far, and the question we should be asking is why?

We have gone through all the symptoms of menopause and mental illness and Lord knows what else the mother is guilty of, without considering who the victim is in this situation.

I cannot conceive of a situation where I would provoke anyone like this. It is nasty and vengeful. It is hateful to know what upsets a person and doing it.

Yes, a sink is a sink and is intended to be used to wash up, but in the case of this sink, a DD is using it to hurt her DM and that cannot be right.

Well perhaps they have improved now.

Nowhere have I ever condoned violence. I have said both are wrong, both deserve one another.

If you know what upsets another person and you do it anyway, is that justified?

What's with the nonsense about the intense effort needed to clean a stainless steel sink? Quick wipe with a cloth and the job's done. The clue is in the name.

Your posts have excused violence, you’ve reasoned that getting water on a bloody kitchen sink, an item used for water, was as bad as throwing an item and hurting someone.

You’re reasoning that that act was mental abuse is so wrong it’s untrue,

Do you need some ideas on what real mental abuse is? So you can make a comparison?

JFC!

Look at all my posts. Not one of them condones violence, and I think you know that.

What have I said in any post that condones violence? She was wrong. Perhaps it was the last straw for her?

I just cannot see why the DM would have gone so far had it just been for washing hands under the tap, that there was something else we are not told about.

Are you serious? Have you really considered what happened before you attack me?

My first response was to advise the OP to replace the stainless steel sink with one which doesn't have to be cleaned and polished so often. I did. I bought a house with a stainless steel sink and really liked it, until I saw how much cleaning and polishing was involved. I exchanged it for an off white sink with speckles in it that just needed cleaning with ordinary cleaner.

When you know something causes friction, is an opportunity for revenge, or to hurt, or provoke it is either replaced or you stop using it as a means of provoking someone.

The DM was wrong to lash out. She should have allowed her DD to do her worst, turned the other cheek and cleaned it again when the DD left. I wouldn't have cleaned it in the first place if DD was coming. I would rather hear the remarks about having a dirty sink that clean it and lose control, but that is me, and obviously I am alone in wanting to remove anything contentious.

They are as bad as each other.

Let me explain

THERE IS NO REASON TO STRIKE ANYONE! EVEN IF OP SHIT ON THE SINK.

You're either the mother, an abuser or on a wind up!

Are you serious? Have you really considered what happened before you attack me?

My first response was to advise the OP to replace the stainless steel sink with one which doesn't have to be cleaned and polished so often. I did. I bought a house with a stainless steel sink and really liked it, until I saw how much cleaning and polishing was involved. I exchanged it for an off white sink with speckles in it that just needed cleaning with ordinary cleaner.

When you know something causes friction, is an opportunity for revenge, or to hurt, or provoke it is either replaced or you stop using it as a means of provoking someone.

The DM was wrong to lash out. She should have allowed her DD to do her worst, turned the other cheek and cleaned it again when the DD left. I wouldn't have cleaned it in the first place if DD was coming. I would rather hear the remarks about having a dirty sink that clean it and lose control, but that is me, and obviously I am alone in wanting to remove anything contentious.

They are as bad as each other.

I think you're on a wind up too. No one is this dense.

In case you're not, it's as simple as this: someone who assaults another person simply for washing their hands is ALWAYS in the wrong.

Oh, and OP never said she knew her mother had cleaned the sink; her mother shouted it at her afterwards.

No. In the case of this OP I would not make a judgement. If you goad someone into striking you and they do, there is wrong on both sides.

Some sinks are easier to clean than others. If it were a white/grey sink with speckles it would not show water marks. What would be the fun in mucking up a sink like that? Much more fun to splash a shiny stainless steel one when someone had just cleaned it, especially if the sink's owner had upset them.

Two things stand out in the OP's post: that the sink is a stainless steel one, and that her DM had just cleaned it.

They are not strangers who have just met. They have known each other for 32 years. How long has that sink been there?

No. In the case of this OP I would not make a judgement. If you goad someone into striking you and they do, there is wrong on both sides.

Some sinks are easier to clean than others. If it were a white/grey sink with speckles it would not show water marks. What would be the fun in mucking up a sink like that? Much more fun to splash a shiny stainless steel one when someone had just cleaned it, especially if the sink's owner had upset them.

Two things stand out in the OP's post: that the sink is a stainless steel one, and that her DM had just cleaned it.

They are not strangers who have just met. They have known each other for 32 years. How long has that sink been there?

What's with the nonsense about the intense effort needed to clean a stainless steel sink? Quick wipe with a cloth and the job's done. The clue is in the name.

You're speaking the language of a domestic abuser. You're justifying the use of violence by claiming ordinary acts of living are provocations. You're saying that people need to walk on eggshells to avoid triggering violent people.

People like you are part of the problem.

Sorry posted too soon!

Would you be saying to a husband in this scenario, it’s her own fault, you’d cleaned the sink?

My “cleaning” gets ruined constantly, crumbs, grease marks, spills etc. It’s part of running a home 🤷‍♀️.

You are so victim blaming here, it is untrue!

@llizzie

Think about it. Are they not both as bad as one another?

Provoking someone to take action by physical assault is goading. It might perhaps be the lesser of the two evils, but why make it happen in the first place?

They deserve each other.

That you deserved one another. Two wrongs never make a right.

Both violence and provocation are wrong. It causes misery and resentment.

Can you imagine this scenario…

I had just cleaned the sink, it was lovely and shiny. My darling wife walked in and bloody well washed her hands at the kitchen sink. I saw red, through a fork at her, cut and marked her and she’s now got the audacity to be upset with me. I don’t think I’m being unreasonable, I think she deserved it.

What would the reaction be then?

Are you trolling?

Because there is no other rational explanation for what you've written.

Sorry, but it is not mental violence to get a sink wet FFS! How disrespectful to people on the receiving end of actual mental violence.

I feel sorry for anyone who is unable to see both sides in an argument. Not one of my posts has condoned violence in any form. I never would.

Why are you so vociferous in your comment on my post? How can you justify saying that? Where have I condoned violence? Where have I said anything to wind you up?

How do you justify taking sides? Read the OP again. She says she made her DM's sink dirty knowing she had cleaned it. Does that strike you as being an accident? The photo looks more like a burn that a cut. I cannot imagine it being caused by a piece of cutlery, can you?

Consider the row without the end result. Who started it? What started it? Was it the start, or had something taken place before that? It isn't hard to goad someone into losing their temper.

Both are at fault. I would not have thought so had the OP not mentioned that the sink had been cleaned, and knowing stainless steel sinks, I know the effort put into it. Perhaps she would have been wise to have used the bathroom washbasin.