Screen time at restaurants

100% this. It’s a compete non issue and sounds like you’ve over focused on other people’s habits too much

We went out for lunch a a child a few tables over was so engrossed in his colouring he was ignoring everyone and had a meltdown when he had to eat.

Yep absolutely am judging because it’s all very well saying « different families different choices » as if these choices have no impact on anyone else. But I guarantee these kids that are stuck on a screen any time it’s slightly inconvenient for the parent to interact with them, are the same children who in a few years time will arrive at school with social, communication and behaviour issues. And the parents will be completely at a loss why. So actually, these families’ rules’ have a huge impact on wider society. So I will continue to judge…

Agreed. If it is a lengthy meal with other adults, whereby the kids are expected to sit quietly while the grown ups enjoy more courses, drinks, coffee etc then I'll happily allow a programme with headphones etc. If we were at home they could go and play etc, but obviously they can't when out.

I normally take top trumps, dobble etc, plus pen and paper etc, but if I want to be able to have an uninterrupted conversation with another grown up without having to join in top trumps or whatever then I see nothing wrong with a quiet episode of the Inbestigators or whatever.

There is quite an age gap with our kids, the 14 and 12 year old will join in with adults meaning the now 7 year old is kind of solo really. Not quite of an age whereby he can really join in and sit still for long periods, and not quite at adult convo levels yet. If just DH and I then fine, but if there are other adults there that we are trying to have a catch up with that is different.

You parent the child you have, and I always raise an eyebrow at these kind of faux naive posts because they blatantly are attempting to judge in a PC way, because how many parents really need help with how to respond to a perfectly normal scenario?

"Different families make different choices" has always been our mantra.

We normally bring colouring and stickers and expect our three year old to sit through a quick meal eg. 90 minutes. If it’s a longer affair we will allow Netflix on our phones after the main course.

It’s rubbish parenting, if the child is neurotypical. I know some parents use screens to help neurodiverse children cope with over stimulating surroundings. Using it a digital babysitter for neurotypical kids is terrible. It completely cuts the child off from joining in with the family. Plugged into their little world and fostering a dependency on screens. As I type this on my phone 😂 However I wouldn’t have my phone out during a meal. I do wonder what socialisation will look like in the future if screens during a meal become ubiquitous from an early age.

I know this is a slightly old thread now but thank you for this.

I have just come back from a lunch out for Mother’s Day. A kid on the table next to us was handed a tablet which he proceeded to then play on for an hour uninterrupted. He was even served his meal which he ate whilst continuing to play on the screen. He was around 5 years old. The parents and grandmother made no attempt whatsoever to interact with him. Sad sad times.

People eat out for different reasons and they aren't always going to be for social reasons. Young children tend to be more excited and struggle to manage their emotions more on holiday so I'm happy to relax some rules and let them watch a screen at dinner, especially after a long, busy and sociable day.

Managing the 'atmosphere' of a restaurant isn't my responsibility, or my child's.

Did you read my post? I haven't chosen yes, I've chosen sometimes and within a specific set of circumstances - i.e., on holiday after spending the entire day doing family activities with the plan to spend the evening doing the same, I allow my DC (who are all older than 4) to have devices at the table precisely so that they can have a short break from socialising. DH and I sit and chat, they're free to join in with that if they choose to. Alternatively if they want to watch a video (headphones on) or read their kindle or do some maths games (one DC finds numbers grounding) then they can crack on and enjoy it, they're entitled to have a relax on holiday.

I couldn't give a shiny shite what you or anyone else thinks of it, especially when their 'norm' at home and at all other times is no screens at the table. While you're busy staring at everyone else and passing judgement, we'll be enjoying our meal and our holiday - careful you don't choke yourself from clutching your pearls so tightly.

Because it's anti-social. Screens are anti-social. Even without sound.

And just for a moment, imagine if every table was like this. No one talking. Everyone staring at a screen.

Joy! Great for business. Great atmosphere. Not.

Why is it wrong for the restaurant owner and everyone else at the restaurant when the child has headphones in?

''Different families have different rules''.

We are more laid back on holidays so allow ipads at restaurants.
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@MMugsyBalonz but there isn't middle ground when making a call on screens at the table. It's black or white. Yes or no. You've chosen yes.

I think that is wrong. For your children. For you. For the restaurant owner. For everyone else sitting in that restaurant around you and your family.

I definitely judge parents who let their kids use screens during a whole meal!
long journeys are totally different.

We saw this on honeymoon (even worse when they were allowed to watch their bloody you tube crap without headphones 🤬)

I know parents want some downtime but why can't they colour/draw etc. I used to be expected to sit there and join in the conversation.

I'm pregnant atm and am planning on having no screens.

As people above have said my mum would have just said "well I'm not so and sos mummy"

@Errors love it may steal that one in the future 😂

Coming back from the honeymoon, it was a 10 hour flight. Now i get flying with children for that long must be challenging, but hearing a toddlers game, for the entire duration nearly drove me bloody demented. There was no "if you want to play the game either it's silent or you wear headphones" oh no we were in close proximity and "treated" to "let's do that again" and "it's too high, we might fall down". I nearly screamed! To add insult to injury, while we were waiting for everyone to get off, the iPad was rammed into my back, no apology from the toddlers parent. Not only that did the game go off? Oh no it stayed on the whole way to baggage reclaim!! As I say, I'd imagine it's hard keeping a toddler entertained cooped up for 10 hours but at least use mute/headphones!!

We do watch some tv shows at home but don’t use any portable screens yet.
DC aged 3 does not really like colouring and is usually unimpressed when I bring out crayons and colouring book so it can be hard.

Some friends are totally screen-free and aghast that we watch films. Others are screen-happy and happily give their toddlers a tablet. Whilst it’s not brilliant I don’t think it is always lazy parenting (not disagreeing that it is sometimes but you are only seeing a snapshot of anyone’s day so I try not to judge).

We travel often by plane or train and don’t use screens but I am actually considering getting a tablet for long car journeys because that is more difficult for me to interact whilst driving safely.

We have a no screens at table or bedroom rule in our house. Often in a restaurant my kids might bring a book because it can be a long wait. The youngest one might colour.
I would never judge a family for using screens at the table though. The child might be tired/hungry/cranky and finding the wait difficult. The parents my gave spent the whole day engaging and playing with the child and this might be their only chance to sit and relax.

Judgemental post

We’ve always had a no screens at the table rule. We rely a lot on screens in other ways more than typical Mumsnetters seem to but it’s always been a hard rule here. It does cause questions when we go out with nieces and nephews who are allowed screens but because we have stuck with it my 4yo has never put up too much of an argument and has the most impeccable table manners during a meal out. He will also tell DH off if he ever dares so much as to touch his phone at the table. As others have said it’s just about making clear your family rules.

This is brilliant-love it. Technically you aren’t wrong. Screens are as proven to be as addictive as crack cocaine (watch the withdrawal consequences as you take one off a young child before they want you to), so yeah they do rot your brain.

I judge OP, don’t care to admit it. Keep doing what you’re doing. A 4 year old doesn’t need an iPad.

I’m another who would happily judge. There is no need for screens at a dinner table. Tell your 4 year old anything. At least you’re conversing with her.

@mariaberria

Well said!

So sad that families don't engage with their ex at the table. Don't give in op, you are doing the right thing. Just say to your dc "we don't watch screen at the table because we like to talk to each other". The saddest thing I say recently was a family of 5 and all were staring at screens individually whilst eating and not a word being said

I am absolutely not criticising and know so many parents who use this phrase kindly and effectively, saving them a lot of time and energy (!), but I remember being a child and absolutely hating this- along with “I’m the parent, and you’re the child, so what I say goes.”

So, my alternative has always been giving age-appropriate explanations, as in-depth as they need to be to understand, so they get exactly why we do things the way we do.

OP, I would suggest, non-judgmentally ofc, having a talk about why you prefer not to use technology when you’re out and about. You might have to repeat it a few times, but eventually, she will understand, and it shouldn’t become a longterm issue because she’ll know the reasoning behind the decision.

We’re low/no tech, so it’s come up in the past.

We like talking to you. Some kids parents do not want to talk to their kids.