To forgive someone - that won’t apologise?

I can't work out if you want an apology for her missing your wedding or an apology for her saying you made her feel guilty when you claim you didn't. News flash - even if you didn't mean to make her feel guilty she clearly did feel guilty so you should just say sorry to her as that wasn't your intention. You clearly have a bee in your bonnet that she missed your wedding for a reason you think is not good enough. Talk about making a mountain out of a mole hill.

Then the OP can choose to ignore my advice.

What you say is right but actually it's not easy to move on with someone who is this arrogant. She ignored op then reached out.. made a fuss then doesn't want a fuss.. honestly that's not easy to unsee for some ppl...

This.
To lose a whole group of friends because you won’t accept that her feelings are her feelings seems madness.

This is needless drama but two stubborn people.

It's not a big enough issue for either of you to get over imo but you obviously think differently.

I think you’re being ridiculous. It’s not as black and white as her lying about you. She felt you made her feel guilty. You didn’t intend to make her feel bad. Whatever.
I thought it was going to be something awful and demonstrably true or false like saying you stole something.

I think you should do things as a 4 again rather than forcing the poor two bystanders to always choose between you. You don’t need to be besties but surely you can tolerate her in a group. I also feel sorry for your mutual friends.

I wouldn't be so stubborn about an apology. It's in the past. You both were at fault so just let it go. You hurt each others' feelings, whether you meant to or not, and she's managed to get over it. You should try to as well.

She’s extended the olive branch, it’s up to you if you want to try and mend the friendship. It seems like a load of drama out of nothing and I tend to think she’s right - what happened happened. You both felt how you did even if you didn’t mean to make her feel guilty.

I thought you were going to say she accused you of sleeping with her husband or something.

How childish this is.

well, you haven't forgiven her have you? That much is clear.
You want an apology from someone who thinks they've done nothing to apologise for, so you ain't gonna get one.
Be a grown up. You're part of a bigger group, nod politely when you come face to face, avoid sitting next to each other and that'll be everyone happy.

You must have said something to put across that you were upset.
She picked up on it, it wasn't just a good guess.

Is this it? Like others I was expecting something far more serious.

If I was you (and of course I was not) I would apologise myself and move on.

By the way, my best friend did not come to my wedding. We laugh about it now.

You may ask what she accused me of. She was pregnant and had decided not to come to our wedding. I was upset by this, but had accepted it. She said I was trying to make her feel guilty, which I definitely was not

Is... that all?

Just tell her you forgive her for lying about you but your preference is that you are no longer close friends

It will absolutely piss her off

Also her guilt is her issue unless you were hounding her and screaming dramatically banging her door down endless texts about how she needs to be supportive just telling someone your disappointed hurts no-one in fact it shows people that they are cared about 🤷‍♀️

Anyway,OP, why don't you apologise to her for making her feel guilty?

Or at least apologise for any upset you may have caused.

Wow, here's me thinking she accused you if stealing money from her nan and using that money to buy drugs that you sold to her kids.

Such drama.

"You may ask what she accused me of. She was pregnant and had decided not to come to our wedding. I was upset by this, but had accepted it. She said I was trying to make her feel guilty, which I definitely was not. Separately, I have since had a daughter myself, and would definitely still be there for someone at that time, but that’s irrelevant."

"but that's irrelevant"

It's not irrelevant... it's very relevant.

She accused you of trying to make her feel guilty for not attending your wedding - very acceptable not to come to a wedding for any reason, but especially being pregnant.

You say you were not trying to make her feel guilty, but then immediately say you've since been pregnant and would never do what she did. You are clearly bitter about her choice and you probably did make her feel guilty, whether you intended to or not.

Can you forgive if she doesn't apologise? To be honest that's not really the question you need to consider. It's whether the two of you should bother with each other. It doesn't sound like either of you like or respect the other. You haven't been in touch with her for months. She's in touch now because it's convenient for "the group". It's hardly the foundation of a healthy and meaningful friendship.

If I were you I'd forget it and move on.

It’s perfectly possible that she believes you made her feel guilty even though you know you didn’t intend to.

But more importantly, this is a lot of fuss about nothing. Just move on and put it behind you.

You invited friend to wedding.
She declined as she was pregnant.
You let her know you were upset but accepted her decision.
She interpreted your response as you trying to make her feel guilty.
She messaged group that you were making her feel guilty.
You messaged group saying that was not your intention and left group.
9 months pass.
Friend has reached out for you to come to event.
You declined invite as you want an apology.

Is this correct?

To be fair you can't really say you didn't make her feel guilty if that's her interpretation? Perhaps it wasn't your intention but from her perspective that's how it may have felt? Especially when you factor in pregancy hormones.

This seems like a very insignificant misunderstanding and if you've struggled to reconcile in the intervening time either the friendship wasn't as strong as you think it was or everyone involved has too fragile an ego.

I think you either accept you want get an apology and moved forward in rekindling the friendship as best you can, or you part ways and continue to be civil on the rare occasion you need to endure each others company.

I hadn't realised it was only a group of three; that's a whole different dynamic to mingling with other folk in the group. I think the third party might end up feeling very awkward.......

Is there any truth in what she said about you guilting her? Although regardless of that I’d rather not be friends with someone emotionally manipulative which is how I think she is behaving.
can you see the others separately?

For your own sake, you should try to forgive, so that it does not eat you up, but I appreciate that will be very hard for you. My natural inclination is to hold grudges!
However, it is something you will never forget, and you would be quite justified in being cautious about her in future. Your disinclination to be a doormat shows that you have appropriate boundaries; you know that you deserve an apology, but you have other matters to merit your intention - especially the baby - congratulations!
As for other friends being affected; they will hold whatever opinion they choose to hold, and it seems to me that her attempt at guilt-tripping you would suggest that, deep down, she knows that she owes you an apology.
If group meetings crop up, it should be perfectly possible to tactfully avoid her, whilst remaining civil.