Page 8 | Want my abusive violent son out!!

Whatayear2023 · 2025-02-07T13:01:04+00:00

I've had enough!!! I have not one single person helping me! My son is 13 almost 14. He refused school 2 years ago. I am supposed to home school him but he won't do a thing just says no. He's very violent towards me I don't go most weeks without a bruise He lies about the most horrid things. Anything I say he twists Anything I ask him to do is met with a fook off pathetic fat pig. He breaks Anything I have tells me it's shit anyway Xmas day I got him stuff he opened.it and said to take it all back its all a load.of.shit despite it being things he asked for or needed I have been to Dr's twice who made referrals and apparently each time it's call the family advice... when he was in primary a referral was done due to him attacking me.unprovoked and all these referrals are parental workshops. I'm not being funny but when do they actually sort out the child instead of just saying oh you need parental course. I've read.and tried so many different approaches over the years.nothing works. He's not abused witnessed violence I don't drink use drugs and I've never brought a man home. I want to walk out but can't ...

Original poster

Whatayear2023 · 07/02/2025 13:51

MissDoubleU · 07/02/2025 13:46

No you’re not, you need them to have the full picture. He is committing assault and it could escalate to unknown levels. They need to know the full truth if you’re going to get any help

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Thanks... every single person from primary high school agencies etc I've always let in spoke to them etc there's nothing to hide from me. I'm not perfect and make mistakes but don't deserve this.
He punched my eldest last year and in doing so broke 2 fingers. There was investigation over that. I asked for counselling then for him as eldest son said move instead of excuse me can you please move so I can get to fridge, so he thinks punching him is OK for being spoken to disrespectfully.

OP posts:

Butchyrestingface · 07/02/2025 13:51

Almost 2 years ago his nan had him after I had 2 black eyes a tooth knocked almost.out and knife.marks. where he went nuts all over doors. He was lovely apparently for 2.or.3.weeks until he started being abusive to her not letting her watch TV telling her to get up to bed or else etc so she dropped him off and said never again. So it I'd just me and the kids. I have no family myself... my mum died December and she was all I had.

Are you against putting him in care, @Whatayear2023 ? The concern is he could end up seriously injuring you or one of the other kids and you are not being supported at the moment.

Starsandall · 07/02/2025 13:50

Call sendiass for your area. If you haven’t go to the go and ask for a paed referral. Does he have a diagnosis of any kind? It sounds like it may be worth exploring. Pupil referral units deal with children like him. Maybe look up local ones for advice. Also call the school nursing team it doesn’t matter whether he is in school or not they can support you.

ByPearlSnail · 07/02/2025 13:49

OP look at the fb group ‘Not fine in School’, there’s a lot of us in a similar situation.
Another one is Newbold Hope, although sometimes it’s a wait to get accepted into the group, they add people in one go once every few weeks or so.

Porkyporkchop · 07/02/2025 13:47

You have to call police everytime he threatens u or assaults you
social care will only intervene when police are getting called out constantly

MissDoubleU · 07/02/2025 13:46

Whatayear2023 · 07/02/2025 13:45

Yes he has been spoken to by police on two occasions. I'm not hiding anything and I'm probably more open than I should be.

No you’re not, you need them to have the full picture. He is committing assault and it could escalate to unknown levels. They need to know the full truth if you’re going to get any help

Princessconsuelabananahammock9 · 07/02/2025 13:46

When did his dad become disabled?

Did he have regular contact with him prior?

Louisetopaz21 · 07/02/2025 13:46

Get your local domestic violence team involved to support you with safety planning. The police and dv team can complete a dash risk assessment and you can be referred to Marac if you meet the threshold. Police can also put in place measures such as flagging your property when you call so they prioritise you and an emergency button.

Weddingbells6 · 07/02/2025 13:45

Voluntary care I think. I feel desperately sorry for you, none of us are perfect but of course you can’t force anyone into school especially if he’s violent. Ring social services and ask for him to be removed. To be honest it angers me that if you had other children and he was as aggressive they would threaten to remove them but you’re supposed to take it! He is a child and I hope you can work it out with him and him eventually return but I think for now he has to go and they can get him therapy / help.

Good luck.

Original poster

Whatayear2023 · 07/02/2025 13:45

Yes he has been spoken to by police on two occasions. I'm not hiding anything and I'm probably more open than I should be.

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Startinganew32 · 07/02/2025 13:44

It's not very likely that he will be placed in care. You can't just 'put your child in care' and you certainly can't just drop your child off at an office and expect social workers to find somewhere for them to stay.

You can. They have a duty to house him if you do and you are firm enough on refusing to take him back.

XWKD · 07/02/2025 13:43

I'm so dreadfully sorry you are going through this, OP.

Startinganew32 · 07/02/2025 13:43

I’m afraid I’d put him in care without a moments hesitation with violence this bad. If you have other children it’s unbelievably cruel to make them live in this environment. It’s also not fair for you to have to. He will kill you at some point - don’t let that happen.

Hwi · 07/02/2025 13:43

Next time he raises his hand to you, call the police and ask him to be put to a young offenders' institution (say he beats you regularly). If the staff don't succeed in turning his behaviour and life around, the inmates will quickly cure him of his propensity to beat people. Either way, it is too late for social workers, I think the YOI is the only way.

Original poster

Whatayear2023 · 07/02/2025 13:42

Glorybox2025 · 07/02/2025 13:37

It's not very likely that he will be placed in care. You can't just 'put your child in care' and you certainly can't just drop your child off at an office and expect social workers to find somewhere for them to stay.

You need a social work assessment, police to be involved every time he assaults you, a referral for autism and ADHD assessment (contact the GP and ask for right to choose) and involvement from the local authority SEN education team. Home schooling isn't meeting his needs and can't continue. There are schools for children with emotional/behavioural school refusal, and those for children with ND. The LA should have a service for children not in education. Pretending he's homeschooled to avoid fines is just masking the issue. You need to make a big fuss until you get a professional network involved.

He said he would do work at home but now won't... we have a home education officer who checks and I've told her what's happening and all she says is try this try that... if I've tried this and that then what...
She said she would bet her house he's mentally ill as she said you can tell by talking to him.
Went to gp last November crying I couldn't cope needed help etc a referral was made as gp said sounds like he has sad but got.letter saying we don't meet criteria for extra support at some mash meeting ?? Then it says to contact family advice for parenting groups

OP posts:

beAsensible1 · 07/02/2025 13:41

Have you been to the police OP? as if you are getting knife marks and black eyes, its quite serious.

Are your other children at risk from him as well?

Onelifeonly · 07/02/2025 13:41

I think you should call the police next time he is violent, and every subsequent time. I have had dealings with them and know others who have too, and they can be instrumental in getting problems like this taken seriously. They would likely contact social children's care - another professional will have more clout with them than you do as a parent (sad, but true) and possibly education and child mental health services too.

I know these services are sorely underfunded these days, but it's worth a try. If he is allocated some kind of therapist and won't cooperate, it's still possible you could get some support for yourself.

wherearemypastnames · 07/02/2025 13:39

He is physically violent to you

Report to the police - probably a way to get social service also - it's your only way out that I can see

MissDoubleU · 07/02/2025 13:39

Whatayear2023 · 07/02/2025 13:27

A lot of things offered are only available if child goes or is willing to engage...my son is not. He says no and apparently he says it's his.human right to have his opinion and I or anyone else cannot force him to speak or go somewhere he does not want to go. If he's asked a simple.question he replies I don't think that is any of your business.

It is your human right to safety and his wants don’t trump your needs. Get the police involved for his own sake. He needs to understand fundamentally that someone CAN force him to go somewhere he doesn’t want. The police can and WILL force him into incarceration if his violent behaviour continues. Honestly it sounds like it will be the best thing for him. He does not have the right to violence.

Original poster

Whatayear2023 · 07/02/2025 13:37

Lightuptheroom · 07/02/2025 13:33

Ok, so home education can't be forced on you, it's 'elective'
Put in an In Year Admission application and get him back in school, schools cannot 'off roll' pupils, it's illegal.
Should he continue to behave like this in school, then they have to put behaviour management in place.

That's the first step and gives him some structure and means someone is tracking him.

Then, contact 'Early Help' yes it's social workers and the local authority, but its low threshold and designed to give you support. They can suggest local youth groups, assign a worker to your son, give him some input from someone who isn't you.

Hes had that in primary... the attendance officer there did it... he refused to speak to youth support worker and told him to go as he's not welcome in his home and he's wasting his time and effort. Primary school did do all these things but just like me they couldn't force him to do it
I even gave permission in High school for 2 teachers to come to take him to school as I couldn't get him to go... they tried he said no to them also

OP posts:

Glorybox2025 · 07/02/2025 13:37

It's not very likely that he will be placed in care. You can't just 'put your child in care' and you certainly can't just drop your child off at an office and expect social workers to find somewhere for them to stay.

You need a social work assessment, police to be involved every time he assaults you, a referral for autism and ADHD assessment (contact the GP and ask for right to choose) and involvement from the local authority SEN education team. Home schooling isn't meeting his needs and can't continue. There are schools for children with emotional/behavioural school refusal, and those for children with ND. The LA should have a service for children not in education. Pretending he's homeschooled to avoid fines is just masking the issue. You need to make a big fuss until you get a professional network involved.

Pineapplewaves · 07/02/2025 13:36

Next time he is violent towards you, call the police, that will put a stop to him thinking he's untouchable.

Halycon · 07/02/2025 13:35

augustusglupe · 07/02/2025 13:33

I know, I’m fed up of this being used for bad behaviour.
Maybe he’s sen, autistic, adhd?! But he’s also violently abusive to his mum and that needs to take precedence over everything.

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Exactly.

Why do people get to shirk all responsibility for their behaviour because of a possible condition like that? Drives me mad. Also, the courts don’t generally give a shit about diagnoses like those, so removing all personal responsibility does no favours for the future of someone with ASD/ADHD.

SoTiredNeedHoliday · 07/02/2025 13:35

Is he angry with external non family members or is he 'normal' then?

I'm so sorry you are going through this. You really are in no win situation and I expect you feel no one understands - how can they, this is not brought on by what you are doing. Its something in him

Did he find school challenging? did he perhaps feel 'no good', 'not good enough' when he was there? Not that that is an excuse for how he is. I just wonder why he's so angry.

PragmaticIsh · 07/02/2025 13:34

Whatayear2023 · 07/02/2025 13:27

A lot of things offered are only available if child goes or is willing to engage...my son is not. He says no and apparently he says it's his.human right to have his opinion and I or anyone else cannot force him to speak or go somewhere he does not want to go. If he's asked a simple.question he replies I don't think that is any of your business.

From everything you've said it sounds as though ASD is possible, with a PDA (Pathological Demand Avoidance). Has your GP helped with a referral for SEN assessment?

It also sounds as though his school off-rolled your DS. Which shouldn't happen but does. The council are required to provide him with an education, even if it's a home based education or in a specialist school.